Comments on: You are your Favorite Classic Rock band!

You are your Favorite Classic Rock band!

storybored — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:13:02 -0800

What your Favorite Classic Rock Band says About You (Part One) as well as What your Favorite Classic Rock Band says About You (Part Two)

By: storybored

storybored — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:17:04 -0800

My favorite from part 2: "Joe Jackson: You are a good speller." He's right!

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:21:30 -0800

I-hm huh. I haven't done a proper gig in like two years but I still find glitter on my clothes. also i have sung this, in person, in front of other people

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:22:39 -0800

for the most part, this is just absurdity, with the odd exception of the grateful dead, which actually seems true

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:23:37 -0800

The Kinks: You have bad teeth and are good in bed. I-hey!

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:24:54 -0800

Uriah Heep: You do not exist.

By: sanko

sanko — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:25:39 -0800

This is probably the worst thing I've seen on McSweeney's ever.

By: fuse theorem

fuse theorem — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:25:40 -0800

My favorite isn't on either list but my second favorite is. Contrary to some public speculation, I have never smoked banana peels, catnip, or poppies. My third choice was in the relative vicinity though.

By: mazola

mazola — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:26:34 -0800

They're just making shit up. The Moody Blues: You are a former volunteer at the Liberace museum, a serial killer, or both. ...but when they're right, they're right.

By: oddman

oddman — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:29:24 -0800

I'll have you know that my while my garage is indeed full of failed stereo-barbeque hybrids, I enjoy the fruits of my successful stereo-barbeque hybrid quite regularly.

By: nzero

nzero — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:31:43 -0800

That Jethro Tull one kind of nailed me. Damn.

By: box

box — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:34:33 -0800

I like these. Barely related, does anybody remember a thing in Harper's years ago that compared prog-rock bands to gangsta rap groups?

By: mwhybark

mwhybark — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:37:02 -0800

Is this something I would need a TV favorite classic rock band to understand?

By: obiwanwasabi

obiwanwasabi — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:37:23 -0800

David Bowie: There is still, somewhere, a Dig Dug or Zaxxon machine with your high score on it. So not Elevator Action? Huh. *burns Bowie stuff*

By: Greg_Ace

Greg_Ace — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:38:00 -0800

What I got out of this is that I was thoroughly entertained by seeing the names of many bands I hadn't thought about in years, though I've certainly enjoyed quite a few of the songs from those bands in the course of my life. But I also thoroughly enjoyed realizing that I had no interest in tracking down and listening to any of said songs on YouTube or anywhere else. Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

By: kenko

kenko — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:39:01 -0800

This person obviously knows NOTHING about King Crimson.

By: blargerz

blargerz — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:40:14 -0800

I never really noticed it before, but the Moody Blues are kinda creepy, aren't they?

By: munchingzombie

munchingzombie — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:40:46 -0800

McSweeney's is awful, especially these lists. It is like a garbage heap of sentences they like with no context to put it in.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:42:29 -0800

*burns Bowie stuff* Bowie burns but is not consumed.

By: spinifex23

spinifex23 — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:43:26 -0800

I only used my tiny flashlight a few times last month.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:44:59 -0800

I remember this when it came out. I think the author is in one of those Punkews bands I like. Not Blacklist Royals or one of the big ones but another one. There was a list like this going around for indie bands that was really accurate. I like these lists, actually. I'm either: Bob Dylan: You have the Swiss army knife that comes with a map reader and tweezers. which used to be true or Bruce Springsteen: Your ringtone is either "Takin' Care of Business" or "Chariots of Fire." which is incorrect. it used to be Bat Out of Hell, and before that Dream Police hey! where's Cheap Trick?

By: RobotVoodooPower

RobotVoodooPower — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:46:49 -0800

Brian Eno: You have spent the entire afternoon watching a screensaver that you developed.

By: box

box — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:51:25 -0800

I like Basement Tapes-era Bob Dylan, which, conveniently, means that I have used my fancy Swiss Army Knife to carve my misspelled name into a picnic table.

By: oneswellfoop

oneswellfoop — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:51:41 -0800

"Yes: Your ideal partner would be into both tantric sex and fat guys." That's not funny, that's eerily true. But my #2 favorite is Steely Dan and I have never either snorted cocaine nor owned a copy of Remembrance of Things Past. I suspect by that point the author was getting impatient to finish the damned thing. But I salute him in avoiding any jokes about Canada, Libertarianism, Mark Twain or castrati for Rush. And I'm still kinda creeped out about Yes. Did I mention I live just down the road from Jon Anderson? And (in the other direction) from where Jack LaLanne lived?

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:51:52 -0800

Metafilter: You have a favorite rune. Metafilter: You know what a steeplechase is. Metafilter: You do not own a bong, but can quickly make one from a piece of fruit or an abandoned toilet. and the Jimi Hendrix one is really true

By: oneswellfoop

oneswellfoop — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:55:52 -0800

they missed... Devo: You are not men. Sparks: Your name is Mickey Mouse. Cheap Trick: Your mommy's all right. This is why I'll never sell anything to McSweeney's.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:57:34 -0800

Cheap Trick: You had a moment in the middle of In Color And In Black And White

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 20:57:43 -0800

ELO: I have never owned a lava lamp. But I have spent an entire afternoon watching a screen saver. So I'm reading this list from right to left: make a lifestyle choice, and find the music that's appropriate. Time for cocaine and Proust! (plus, "Joe Jackson" is a classic rock band? WTF?)

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:00:13 -0800

Devo: You have laughed smugly at somebody who couldn't fix their computer

By: AsYouKnow Bob

AsYouKnow Bob — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:02:03 -0800

Not "Classic Rock" (well, Zep and a few others do get a mention), but compare Questionable Content's Jeph Jacques presents "Bands as Metaphors for Folks You've Dated". (Previously) Oh, there's even a Part II.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:11:03 -0800

I do not now nor have I ever owned a jacket with elbow patches. But I have the urge o buy one now.

By: brennen

brennen — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:11:26 -0800

Brian Eno: You have spent the entire afternoon watching a screensaver that you developed. But really, who hasn't?

By: brennen

brennen — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:13:30 -0800

And for the record, the first thing I ever tried to smoke was probably a rolled-up post-it note. Well, not an actual Post-It, but a cheaper knockoff with worse adhesive. I didn't have very good bad influences in the 3rd grade.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:15:06 -0800

These are my people. Brilliantly crystalized and encapsulated, the whole lot of us.

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:15:56 -0800

It's okay. When I was in the third grade I couldn't get good Post-Its either. The ones we had were mostly stems.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:22:36 -0800

Questionable Content's Jeph Jacques presents "Bands as Metaphors for Folks You've Dated". (Previously) Oh, there's even a Part II that might be the one, but i think there was one with my favorite bands on it Metafilter: the guy/girl in theater who thinks they're hot shit and all the nerds fawn over them while normal people can't stand them Belle and Sebastian is the guy who writes you a poem on the first date and you cringe in anticipation but it's actually a really good poem yep

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:24:59 -0800

Cheap Trick: you eschewed 8-tracks because you could not clean your weed with the double albums.

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:27:08 -0800

Iggy Pop: You have occasionally burned piles of David Bowie stuff.

By: Hardcore Poser

Hardcore Poser — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:36:30 -0800

Janis Joplin: You are Ke$ha.

By: corey flood

corey flood — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:44:43 -0800

I think the author is in one of those Punkews bands I like He's in American Steel.

By: clavdivs

clavdivs — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:51:01 -0800

Ta-ta-ta take it.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:58:01 -0800

I don't know which "inspired" the other, but: What Your Favorite Indie Band Says About You. Part Two.

By: bardic

bardic — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:02:49 -0800

"Yes: Your ideal partner would be into both tantric sex and fat guys." The LOL -- I haz it.

By: brennen

brennen — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:29:23 -0800

The "indie band" one just seems kind of mean-spirited and weirdly granular without being, you know, funny. (Then again, I just realized I don't know who at least half of those bands are, so maybe it's just that being 30 means I am no longer in on the joke.)

By: Hardcore Poser

Hardcore Poser — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:40:35 -0800

From What Your Favorite Indie Band Says About You. Part Two.

Sonic Youth Guys who mistake their blender for a radio.

Mean-spirited, yes, but that one's a keeper.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:45:54 -0800

yeah, that Sonic Youth one is perfect, and that was the list i was thinking of and apparently I coach a Little League team. Neutral Milk Hotel People who get where Christians are coming from with the whole "hope Jesus will rise again" thing. this is alot more accurate to both me and a few other Hold Steady fans I know. though I might love NMH more Fiery Furnaces Those dicks who still won't smile, even after you acknowledge their apathy with the "Woah, don't get too excited!" joke. this describes the band itself better than their fans I think the author is in one of those Punkews bands I like He's in American Steel. thanks! I was close... new 'Steel' was in the name

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 22:53:02 -0800

though now that i think about it i know a Hold Steady fan who's a massive baseball fan. and he's Australian. so yeah

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 23:22:53 -0800

I liked the "What Your Favorite Indie Band Says About You List" because it rekindled my hopes that someone, somewhere hates The Decemberists as much as I do.

By: Shit Parade

Shit Parade — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 00:04:08 -0800

I wish there was a McSweeney's warning label.

By: Decani

Decani — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 00:45:18 -0800

I liked the "What Your Favorite Indie Band Says About You List" because it rekindled my hopes that someone, somewhere hates The Decemberists as much as I do. posted by Afroblanco at 7:22 AM on April 6 Well hello there!

By: salmacis

salmacis — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 01:16:54 -0800

Was that supposed to be funny? What was the joke?

By: zephyr_words

zephyr_words — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 01:46:46 -0800

Most of the jokes sucked but I especially don't get all the shit about the flashlights.

By: AndrewKemendo

AndrewKemendo — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 03:14:32 -0800

The fact that Black Sabbath is included in a list with Hall and Oats makes me want to go on a hellride

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 03:54:59 -0800

I don't own a garage, and generally loath barbecue. However, I fear there is something in the general direction of truth to this: Santana: You have had an hours-long conversation with someone before realizing it was just a pile of clothes. Not hours, I think, and not a pile of clothes. But it was a pile of something rather than then the person I thought it was.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 04:05:02 -0800

Step 1: Assemble list of bands. Step 2: Assemble list of random put-downs, some of which are music-related. Step 3: Randomly attach items from second list to items from first list. Step 4: Failure!

By: Redhush

Redhush — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 04:09:22 -0800

I have painted unventillated rooms, but it is not my greatest joy

By: Redhush

Redhush — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 04:10:38 -0800

and even if you don't like Mcsweeneys, once it's been through a metafilter, it seems a lot funnier

By: marxchivist

marxchivist — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 04:18:54 -0800

I was going to get angry for the time I spent reading this, but this one near the bottom made me laugh: Blue Cheer: You have a subset of friends whose sole purpose is to hold your hair while you vomit.

By: jeffburdges

jeffburdges — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:00:43 -0800

Rush: You carry a small flashlight everywhere, and use it at least three times a day. Almost correct, good job! I've a small laser pointer in my backpack for easily entertaining myself, playing with cats.. or theoretically giving presentation. There is in-fact a flashlight button on it but I never use that.

By: rikschell

rikschell — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:01:22 -0800

Like all the best McSweeney's stuff, this walks the line between funny and not-funny and serious and not-serious in multiple ways. Also the line between good and not-good. McSweeney's started out publishing work that writers couldn't get published anywhere else: they've taken that niche and pretty much run with it. You have to respect that (or maybe you don't).

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:30:07 -0800

I think maybe it's a lot more hilarious in that spinal tap way, where you get the self-deprecating part when you've lived the 70s rock thing as a musician, and you see the truth in it.

By: Splunge

Splunge — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:58:56 -0800

No Be Bop Deluxe? Good. Some things are sacred.

By: spacely_sprocket

spacely_sprocket — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:11:08 -0800

The Raspberries: You've used a flashlight to look for the pot that fell on the carpet while you were trying to clean it on an eight track cartridge, before smoking it through a pipe you made out of a carrot. Nailed it!

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:32:25 -0800

Be Bop Deluxe: You say quietly in the front seat of your '70 Chevelle while your best friend and his girl got it on in the open trunk. War Pigs was playing on the cassette deck, and you've hated that song ever since.

By: salmacis

salmacis — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:37:14 -0800

Like all the best McSweeney's stuff, this walks the line between funny and not-funny Yeah, in the same way that Hitler walked the line between sainthood and evil.

By: jtron

jtron — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 06:48:10 -0800

I don't even really like the Kinks that much

By: eric1halfb

eric1halfb — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:01:33 -0800

Joni Mitchell: You have accidentally eaten more than half of a scented candle. If you intended to eat only half a scented candle and managed to stop yourself before getting carried away, does that make you a Judy Collins fan?

By: rocket88

rocket88 — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:02:23 -0800

Ah, McSweeney's: Home to jokes that sound like they should be funny but really aren't.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:04:09 -0800

Meat Loaf: You have a mustard stain on your mousepad. That's-- that's ridiculous. Utterly absurd. Lies and slander. ::buys new mousepad::

By: Devils Rancher

Devils Rancher — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:07:18 -0800

*sat* quietly. I need an extra-large keyboard or something.

By: oddman

oddman — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 07:18:30 -0800

I find it weird that so many of you react violently when you don't get the joke. Do you try to get in a fist fight with bombing comics at stand-up shows?

By: zzazazz

zzazazz — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 10:02:04 -0800

Some of those are way to accurate.

By: jtron

jtron — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 10:06:46 -0800

Was the indie bands one linked earlier in the thread really funny and inside, or a boring sexist piece of crap? you can probably guess what my opinion is, but I am willing to entertain evidence that the former is true

By: tommasz

tommasz — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 10:43:04 -0800

I laughed and laughed until I got to my favorite.

By: wenestvedt

wenestvedt — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 10:48:14 -0800

I am crying tears of joy now, and my throat hurts from stifling laughter at those McSweeny's lists. Yes, yes, McSweeney's can be way too precious, but these were a lot of fun.

By: S'Tella Fabula

S'Tella Fabula — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 12:07:43 -0800

The first list is mean. I'm not David Bowie.

By: cp311

cp311 — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:03:15 -0800

"You have injured several people by jogging into them." I wish I could say that I exercised enough for this to be the case...

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:05:44 -0800

You have the Swiss army knife that comes with a map reader and tweezers. I stole this Swiss Army Knife from Roger McGuinn. True fact.

By: hilker

hilker — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:09:45 -0800

does anybody remember a thing in Harper's years ago that compared prog-rock bands to gangsta rap groups? I seem to recall it said that Wu-Tang's "Protect Ya Neck" and Yes's "Roundabout" were similar in that everyone gets a solo, and compared The Chronic-era Dr Dre to Jethro Tull because of all the flute.

By: Lovecraft In Brooklyn

Lovecraft In Brooklyn — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:51:27 -0800

Most of the jokes sucked but I especially don't get all the shit about the flashlights. I do. It implies Rush fans are the sort of computer techy people who hung around cables under desks and such. I knew what it meant. I always like these.

By: spock

spock — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 16:54:37 -0800

This is why I'll never sell anything to McSweeney's. You don't sell to McSweeneys. You get accepted by McSweeney's where it is then seen by other places looking for humor, where they will edit out your edgier items. One day, if you are lucky, you get an email seeking permission to license it for a commercial venue. DAMHIKT. I'm pretty sure that soon after that you are solicited to be a writer for a late night talk show host. (Gee, I hope it is one I like).

By: Benny Andajetz

Benny Andajetz — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 10:03:20 -0800

The ringtone on my phone is Dylan's Positively 4th Street. And I have a Swiss Army knife. Don't make me use it. (Actually, when I was a muuuuch younger man, I used a quick acid test to help me get a handle on new people I'd meet. I'd ask them who's your favorite band of these three: The Beatles, the Stones, or the Who? I don't remember exactly what their answer revealed to me, but I do remember that I really preferred hanging out with Who people.)

By: jtron

jtron — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 10:18:41 -0800

We must have traveled in very different circles; I always preferred Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd to any of those three

By: Benny Andajetz

Benny Andajetz — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 10:31:04 -0800

We must have traveled in very different circles; I always preferred Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd to any of those three Most people who were really into music preferred other bands, but everybody had opinion about those three. Back in the day I could probably name a lot of what other music you were into from your answer. I didn't say it was smart. And I was a wake-and-bake back in the day.