Comments on: 15 YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS

15 YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:26:58 -0800

"You'd be crazy not to buy that. I mean, look at it. IT'S FULL OF WHIMSY."

By: seanmpuckett

seanmpuckett — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:31:22 -0800

15 YEARS AND ONE DAY IS DIVORCE PAPERS

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:31:27 -0800

IT IS NOT A NICE CHICKEN

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:32:00 -0800

That was funny!

By: yeoz

yeoz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:32:40 -0800

Where can I get a giant metal chicken? I only have giant plushie chickens and I am looking to upgrade.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:32:48 -0800

Best. 15th anniversary. ever. For her, I guess... (not really sure that's how anniversaries are supposed to work)

By: EJXD2

EJXD2 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:33:48 -0800

That might be the worst article I've ever clicked to from MetaFilter. The image of the chicken at the door was fantastic, but I didn't enjoy the writing at all past the first paragraph.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:34:38 -0800

I NEED something like that for my new apartment.

By: never used baby shoes

never used baby shoes — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:34:52 -0800

"this chicken will cut you" - that line is just awesome.

By: charlie don't surf

charlie don't surf — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:35:31 -0800

PassiveAggressiveFilter: You don't want me to waste money? I'll show you wasting money.

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:35:55 -0800

Best. 15th anniversary. ever. For her, I guess... Yeah, I was a little uncomfortable about how things wound up. If I had purchased some wacky thing as a gag gift and the recipient reacted like he did, I'd take it back because...it's supposed to be something they enjoy, right? She didn't get it as an anniversary gift for him, she got it for herself. It just felt oogy.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:36:00 -0800

Me, however, I would've just bought the damn towels.

By: roomthreeseventeen

roomthreeseventeen — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:36:07 -0800

I need to get one of those. Hilarious.

By: brand-gnu

brand-gnu — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:36:28 -0800

Oh, man.... I could totally feel Victor's pain.

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:36:34 -0800

EJXD2: "That might be the worst article I've ever clicked to from MetaFilter." YOU'RE WELCOME! I make a lot of serious, link-heavy posts. Sometimes it's nice to just post something silly.

By: SPUTNIK

SPUTNIK — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:36:56 -0800

I love her writing, but seriously honey? Meds. Keep up your meds.

By: theodolite

theodolite — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:37:39 -0800

I read the post as "IT'S FULL OF WHISKY" and there's pretty much no way the story could have lived up to that.

By: fiercecupcake

fiercecupcake — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:38:39 -0800

My ex-wife bought us one of those chickens while I was at work one day, during a time when I was working something crazy like 70 hours a week. It made my day, made my night, and made all my coworkers' too. When my folks came to visit, my mom liked it so much she insisted my dad go get them one. So I guess you know where I stand, regarding giant metal chickens.

By: Trurl

Trurl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:39:21 -0800

Whimsy is not your bitch.

By: fiercecupcake

fiercecupcake — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:40:07 -0800

Wait. It's been long enough that I had to go back and check my math. It was more like 90-95 hours a week. Jesus. No wonder I thought that chicken was hilarious.

By: Horace Rumpole

Horace Rumpole — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:41:14 -0800

I'm going to Costco this weekend. Fingers crossed.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:41:28 -0800

"this chicken will cut you" still has me giggling like a madman.

By: headnsouth

headnsouth — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:41:43 -0800

Hubby won't let me buy towels? Ooh, my BFF and I will show him! Nice followup to the first-world-problems thread.

By: 2bucksplus

2bucksplus — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:42:37 -0800

Put a bird on it! ...on what? Your stoop I guess

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:43:01 -0800

Knock knock! Who's there? It's me, Judgey Judgington!

By: oblio_one

oblio_one — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:43:25 -0800

additionally, these are first-marriage in the first-world problems...

By: Seamus

Seamus — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:44:12 -0800

i want that chicken. but then, i have a concrete jackalope and about a hundred gnomes in my yard. the only thing better would be the 8 foot tall concrete gorilla i always used to see on the drive between dallas and austin. victor has no soul.

By: Mrs. Pterodactyl

Mrs. Pterodactyl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:44:17 -0800

Yeah, I was a little uncomfortable about how things wound up. If I had purchased some wacky thing as a gag gift and the recipient reacted like he did, I'd take it back because...it's supposed to be something they enjoy, right? She didn't get it as an anniversary gift for him, she got it for herself. It just felt oogy. I didn't read it this way; I don't think she ACTUALLY got it as an anniversary gift for him, I think she got it for herself and then enjoyed his reaction and made a game out of it and he's coming to peace with that. It's like the time I got a rubber stingray and left it in the bathtub for when my husband came home. Ah, memories.

By: charred husk

charred husk — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:44:20 -0800

That read like a Scary Go Round comic.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:44:56 -0800

Then I pointed out that the last towels I'd bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all "EXACTLY" and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour.

oblio_one--EXACTLY!

By: tomswift

tomswift — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:45:00 -0800

I kinda wish two things: 1. she had bought the towels 2. he doesn't make idle threats

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:45:18 -0800

I love her writing, but seriously honey? Meds. Keep up your meds. What makes you think she takes medication?

By: ambient2

ambient2 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:45:33 -0800

That read sorta weird to me, dunno if there's a broader context because I haven't read any of her other posts, but there was the mirth... and a my-husband-was-a-colossal-asshole tone.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:45:51 -0800

Well, to be fair, Victor did threaten to strangle her if she brought home any more towels, so I guess he sort of deserved a ridiculously childish prank.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:46:00 -0800

Also: I think a lot of people seem to be taking every event in this entry as 100% Seriously And Literally True, and I'm not sure that's really warranted.

By: deezil

deezil — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:47:20 -0800

A friend showed me this one yesterday, and I'm still not impressed. Wasting $100 on a gag is a little extreme, but they also make tons more money than I do.

By: Debaser626

Debaser626 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:48:04 -0800

Hrmph... Chicks.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:49:28 -0800

Also: I think a lot of people seem to be taking every event in this entry as 100% Seriously And Literally True, and I'm not sure that's really warranted. I confess: I can't tell if this is meant to be mock-serious or ironically-mock-serious. CASTIGATE ME!

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:49:28 -0800

I didn't read it this way; I don't think she ACTUALLY got it as an anniversary gift for him, I think she got it for herself and then enjoyed his reaction and made a game out of it and he's coming to peace with that. No, I know she didn't actaully get it as an anniversary gift, it was obvious it was something based on his reaction. But I got something more malicious out of it, rather than a good-natured teasing thing; it was more, "Oh, yeah? He's gonna be a big meanie about this? I'll tell him it's his anniversary gift, make him feel bad, so there!" I think a lot of people seem to be taking every event in this entry as 100% Seriously And Literally True, and I'm not sure that's really warranted. Then I'm not sure the quality of the writing is coming across, then. She may have been attempting to exaggerate for "rollicking comedy", but it's coming across more...mean. Is it possible to tell this story so people receive it as comedy? Of course. ...She just didn't pull it off, I think.

By: maryr

maryr — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:49:51 -0800

That read like a Scary Go Round comic. High praise, if you ask me. There's a million years of evolution and then there's showing off.

By: tomswift

tomswift — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:50:21 -0800

Metafilter: 100% Seriously And Literally True

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:50:31 -0800

oh lord, the pic of the chicken looming ominously at the front door just made me loose a particularly demented cackle of glee. luckily everyone in my office is drunk rn

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:50:47 -0800

Like, is she pretending to be Jean Teasdale, or is she emulating the writer who wrote the Teasdale columns?

By: Alterscape

Alterscape — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:50:47 -0800

Hrmph... Chicks. I'm pretty sure that was more of a chicken than a chick.

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:51:08 -0800

muddgirl: " CASTIGATE ME!" Would you settle for a 5-foot metal chicken? :D

By: Capt. Renault

Capt. Renault — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:51:10 -0800

Umm, I've never been married, and so maybe I don't really get how marriage goes, but spending $100 just to piss off your mate? Is that how it's supposed to work?

By: MonkeyToes

MonkeyToes — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:51:32 -0800

Hmph. All I got for my 11th anniversary was a box of turkeys.

By: Hushpuppy

Hushpuppy — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:52:02 -0800

I have wanted one of those metal chickens since they started showing up at roadside junque shops in NC about 10 years ago. My husband said no. We have moved about 18 times since then, so it is just as well, but I still want one. Now I know the best way to reintroduce the idea.

By: jillithd

jillithd — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:52:04 -0800

Uh, you guys are overthinking this. I'M STILL GIGGLING! I almost snorted my coffee out my nose. Definitely up there with The God of Cake.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:52:27 -0800

Well for example I don't know that Victor actually threatened to strangle her, and if he did I imagine they have the sort of relationship where that is understood to be a joke.

By: darksasami

darksasami — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:52:50 -0800

I still like the saga of James Garfield better.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:52:58 -0800

You know, I was sympathetic to this woman until Mrs. Pterodactyl connected it to that damn sting ray she left in the tub to scare me. Fucking "Rachel Ray."

By: Mrs. Pterodactyl

Mrs. Pterodactyl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:53:56 -0800

But I got something more malicious out of it, rather than a good-natured teasing thing; it was more, "Oh, yeah? He's gonna be a big meanie about this? I'll tell him it's his anniversary gift, make him feel bad, so there!" I don't get this sense, but I do see what you mean here. It felt to me more like a celebration of wackiness than an if he can't take a joke the hell with him, but I definitely understand where it could seem that way. I think also his lack of sense of humor about it is part of the story and if she said "but of course secretly he loved it" that would ruin the whole thing. The one bit that moved me towards the other interpretation was the idea of him locking himself up in the study and hitting things, but the sense I get is that this is more a matter of how she's decided to present the story than actual meanness. Anyway, I didn't intend to imply that I got it and you didn't, sorry if it came off that way!

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:54:27 -0800

"...one of these days... Pow! Right in the kisser! One of these days Alice, straight to the Moon!"

By: Citrus

Citrus — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:54:27 -0800

...spending $100 just to piss off your mate? Is that how it's supposed to work? Not if you're doing it right.

By: maryr

maryr — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:54:37 -0800

Well, how close was it to Steve Irwin's death?

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:54:45 -0800

That's a big chicken.

By: redsparkler

redsparkler — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:54:57 -0800

"But, in brighter news I'm getting a lot accomplished due to not sleeping. Like, I'm really good at drawing dinosaurs now. And at making water-beds for cats. And at involuntary hallucinations and forgetting where I live." I'm getting enough amusement out of this to justify its existence, I think.

By: GavinR

GavinR — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:56:41 -0800

Well off person wasting $100 to piss off her spouse while some people can't even find a job. The middle class almost deserves to die off.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:58:13 -0800

Nice. We've reached some new level of not-getting-it.

By: Acheman

Acheman — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:58:22 -0800

Aww, reading this really made me very happy. Thank-you for posting it.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:58:35 -0800

You must be fun at parties, GavinR.

By: Etrigan

Etrigan — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 13:59:40 -0800

Yeah, she totally should have invested that $100 in a small business that could employ one-fifteenth of a person for a week. What a bitch.

By: Apropos of Something

Apropos of Something — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:01:27 -0800

Victor's seeming impulse towards violence and anger leaves me with a queasy feeling in my stomach here.

By: stormpooper

stormpooper — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:02:43 -0800

Well, if he wanted her to save money, she could do what I do to urk DH---rub leg stubble on him in the middle of the night. Yeti Princesses Unite!

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:03:32 -0800

redsparkler: ""But, in brighter news I'm getting a lot accomplished due to not sleeping. Like, I'm really good at drawing dinosaurs now. And at making water-beds for cats. And at involuntary hallucinations and forgetting where I live."" Heh. And her cat's name is Ferris Mewler.

By: N-stoff

N-stoff — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:04:43 -0800

Victor's seeming impulse towards violence and anger makes me think large-metal-chicken moments are a regular thing in their relationship.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:05:40 -0800

Like, is she pretending to be Jean Teasdale, or is she emulating the writer who wrote the Teasdale columns? No, she's writing a blog in which she purports to talk like people who write blogs write.

By: nathancaswell

nathancaswell — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:06:58 -0800

everyone wants a giant cock

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:07:54 -0800

stormpooper: "Well, if he wanted her to save money, she could do what I do to urk DH---rub leg stubble on him in the middle of the night. Yeti Princesses Unite!" Cold feet and leg stubble are a horrible combination.

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:08:30 -0800

nathancaswell: "everyone wants a giant cock" Named Beyoncé.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:10:14 -0800

ALSO I AM EXTREMELY CONCERNED THAT SHE MAY HAVE CONCUSSED HERSELF AFTER HITTING HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL FOR EXACTLY ONE HOUR PERHAPS SHE OUGHT TO CONSULT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL

By: J0

J0 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:10:16 -0800

I also read it as "full of whisky" Then I read the subtitle "pick your BOTTLES" I got excited

By: Pruitt-Igoe

Pruitt-Igoe — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:13:32 -0800

Terrible

By: The corpse in the library

The corpse in the library — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:15:15 -0800

> What makes you think she takes medication? As a Bloggess fan, I can toss in that she takes plenty of medication. I love this post of hers. One of my favorites.

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:16:43 -0800

75 comments and no clarification that it's A FUCKING METAL ROOSTER? Exhibit A: Rooster, showing wattles, earlobes and comb; Exhibit B: ah crap, chicken is the term for the whole subspecies. It's still a rooster.

By: quin

quin — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:19:16 -0800

me: The 5-foot tall one was $300, marked down to $100. That's like, $200 worth of chicken for free. I use this exact same kind of logic when convincing myself to buy something awesome and useless. It works remarkably well at mollifying my higher, more frugal, brain functions.

By: bwg

bwg — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:20:42 -0800

As soon as I saw the photo of the giant rooster at the door I heard the shower scene music from Psycho in my head. Worth it just for that.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:21:02 -0800

Wow, the women in this thread think this story is funny. The men think she's kinda toxic. Gee, who thought the thread would go that way? Myself, I thought the whole thing was incredibly cliched. I mean, didn't I read this in the Lockhorns once? Or Blondie? Or some other form of Sunday morning birdcage lining?

By: whimsicalnymph

whimsicalnymph — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:21:23 -0800

I'll show you whimsy.

By: the young rope-rider

the young rope-rider — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:21:23 -0800

Aggressive humor is banned from my romantic relationships. When you've seen someone actually get strangled by their spouse the fake threat isn't as charming. I would be driven totally insane by someone who thought $100 for a joke made sense. Anyway, I don't have to be married to either one of them (thank God) and the bit with the UPS guy was pretty funny.

By: mrbill

mrbill — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:23:07 -0800

I'm a man, and I think she's hilarious. This kind of oddball humor is her thing, and I'm sure she exaggerated her husband's reaction just a tad. Her writing is quirky, funny, absolutely positively "normal real life" at times, and she's the kind of person I would love to have as a neighbor.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:23:30 -0800

Myself, I thought the whole thing was incredibly cliched. I mean, didn't I read this in the Lockhorns once? Or Blondie? Or some other form of Sunday morning birdcage lining? Exactly. I know it's not 100% sincere and truthful or whatever, but I can't figure out if it's intentionally or unintentionally cliched. Reading some of her other stuff makes me think it's unintentional (I mean, it is intentionally a joke but unintentionally a very, very old one), but I'm probably missing something.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:23:51 -0800

I had to check, but I'm about 85% sure I'm a man. Also zarq posted this, and probably not because he thinks she's 'toxic.'

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:24:54 -0800

Here's a fun fact: Ross (Dress For Less) is a fantastic source for all sorts of discount yard art/what-the-fuckery. Burnished metal elephant table? Check! Metal horses pawing at the air? Check! 2' tall gnomes in a variety of poses and professions? Check! Giant frogs, both anthropomorphic and vaguely realistic? Check! And if the Yard Full 'O Whimsey is too much whimsey (wimp), you can also adorn your house with a sufficient collection of bottled ships and faux-nautical whatnots to appear either quite manly or quite salty. Ooh, and the religious iconography: FANTASTIC! Fuzzy buddha? YES! Chrome-plated Jesus? YES! In short: I love Ross, but my wife scowls at me when I discuss what I saw in the store. If not for her, I might have smothered myself in whimsey.

By: Chipmazing

Chipmazing — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:25:01 -0800

Aggressive humor is a necessity in awesome relationships. This is fantastic.

By: haplesschild

haplesschild — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:25:59 -0800

I read this the other day, and after laughing at the idea of a giant chicken, I was irritated at both of them. He sounds like a grumpy jerk. She sounds like an entitled princess. It was such a fun story that just took such a sour turn the minute he opened the door and walked away.

By: obscurator

obscurator — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:26:17 -0800

Seems like the nefarious towel prohibitionist would be just as displeased if his wife showed up at the front door...and why not just fill up the chicken with towels? That'll show him to appreciate the dryness of the human body! Also, whatever happened to the good ol' flaming paper bag of dog shit? Too teenage? Costs much less than $100, unless you factor in the shoe-replacement..

By: mecran01

mecran01 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:26:21 -0800

All of my efforts to live my life in a way that would make for a good blog entry have ended in disaster, and not the wacky, whimsical sort.

By: MrMoonPie

MrMoonPie — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:26:42 -0800

This thread reminds me why I stopped hanging out with assholes.

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:27:42 -0800

Afroblanco: "Wow, the women in this thread think this story is funny. The men think she's kinda toxic. Gee, who thought the thread would go that way?" I'm a guy. Wouldn't have posted this if I thought she was toxic.

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:28:49 -0800

Heh. On non-preview, what shakespeherian said. :D

By: mrbill

mrbill — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:32:01 -0800

I'm convinced that Victor is a very patient man. His thought as he opened the door was probably "Metal chicken? Well, at least it isn't another stuffed boar head..."

By: bitteschoen

bitteschoen — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:32:22 -0800

Friends don't let bloggesses buy giant metal chickens and write about it! Ok I confess I also thought it was hilarious and I'm a woman, so there's another cliché for you collectors out there. Something tells me it may be a little reckless to try and extrapolate and analyse the marriage dynamics of anyone from a post about a prank, but, yeah, well I don't really care about the serious part one way or the other. The prank would be hilarious even if it was about a couple of serial killers.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:33:17 -0800

I too am a man and I enjoyed this huge metal cock yarn.

By: whitneyarner

whitneyarner — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:33:50 -0800

Christ, what an asshole.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:34:09 -0800

I frequently drive past a store that has a big outdoor display of crudely cobbled-together animal-shaped metal "yard sculptures". And I would think, "Who buys those?" Now I know.

By: ambient2

ambient2 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:35:25 -0800

For what it's worth, I'm a man, thought they were both kinda toxic, as this was presented. Yeah, didn't take it 100-percent literally, think she did in fact hit her head against a wall for 60 minutes, though it was hard to get a sense of what was accurate, what was exaggerated, what what entirely fiction, how serious the guy was in his no-towels mandate.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:35:33 -0800

I think most of those things are probably bought as jokes, yes.

By: Jehan

Jehan — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:36:26 -0800

75 comments and no clarification that it's A FUCKING METAL ROOSTER? 76 comments and no innuendation that it's A FUCKING METAL COCK? On preview: Mister_A, the giant metal cock salutes your observational and innuendo skills.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:38:25 -0800

Also, this story is only "funny" if you assume he's the breadwinner in the family. Otherwise, it's like, "um, you wasted $100 of your own money on a stupid rooster. Uh, good job, I guess..."

By: Seamus

Seamus — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:41:42 -0800

Or they could think of it as "our money". That's how it works in my house. I think.

By: Solomon

Solomon — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:41:49 -0800

I wonder what the markup was on that thing? It looks like it's made of old metal oil drums, which I can't imagine are that expensive to buy second hand....? I think I'm in the wrong line of work. Hope she keeps her kids away from it.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:42:57 -0800

You guys have a hard week, or what?

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:43:32 -0800

How does this joke hinge on who made the money that paid for the lamp? I didn't really get the sense that it was the cost that angered him so much as the fact that it was an enormous ridiculous looking thing that he now had to live with.

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:44:46 -0800

filthy light thief: Here's a fun fact: Ross (Dress For Less) is a fantastic source for all sorts of discount yard art/what-the-fuckery. (Continued thoughts) And, somehow, the stock is often changing. They appear to push one or two themes or collections at a time, and then it all changes in a few weeks or a month. I want to know, does the stock actually get bought, or do they change it up in hopes of finding a new style that people actually like. "Hmm, the sharp and pointy abstract yard art didn't do as well as we hoped, how about some plaster frogs in pastel hues? No takers? OK: back to metal shapes, but let's try something with an African savannah theme. Bring in the elephants and lions!"

By: filthy light thief

filthy light thief — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:46:45 -0800

Solomon: I wonder what the markup was on that thing? It looks like it's made of old metal oil drums, which I can't imagine are that expensive to buy second hand....? I think I'm in the wrong line of work. If it's a discount shop, which it may well be, it's probably mass-produced in China for pennies on the dollar, then left to turn to rust and/or dust on shelves somewhere. I don't think there's really a huge market for these kind of things, but they're probably cheap enough to make and light enough to ship that they work as attractions in the front windows of stores, even if no one buys them.

By: octothorpe

octothorpe — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:47:05 -0800

GavinR: "Well off person wasting $100 to piss off her spouse while some people can't even find a job. The middle class almost deserves to die off." Hey she's supporting the economy. Or at least the giant sharp metal chicken part of the economy.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:47:14 -0800

How does this joke hinge on who made the money that paid for the lamp? It's all in the setup. Victor is the Controlling Husband/Father Figure who buys The Wrong Towels and is Too Manly to admit his mistake or let his wife fix it. The Blogess is the Mischevious Wife/Child who bucks under the husband's controlling mandate and screws him over with a White Elephant. Again, I know the Blogess meant this to be a joke, but I don't understand how deep the joke goes.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:47:41 -0800

This joke would have been literally even more perfect had she instead boughten a giant metal Butt Elephant.

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:49:50 -0800

Some crafty, funny friends sent me this on FB the other day. I thought it was hilarious. I can imagine my wife doing something like this to me...and me thinking it was hilarious. I really think that (unsurprisingly) mefites are beanplating this.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:50:21 -0800

Victor didn't buy the wrong towels. She bought the hot pink towels.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:50:50 -0800

But, he's still controlling even if he doesn't make a dime. She sets up him as controlling when he tells her not to by towels. She's mischievous even if she earned the money for the chicken because, as I said above, the problems the chicken caused are unrelated to cost.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:52:04 -0800

the problems the chicken caused are unrelated to cost. I dunno. $100 is a lot of money to some people. Depends on your income bracket, I guess.

By: Mister Fabulous

Mister Fabulous — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:52:13 -0800

I'm sorry, but if I were Victor I'd probably piss myself laughing because I'd been had.

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:52:55 -0800

Like, is she pretending to be Jean Teasdale, or is she emulating the writer who wrote the Teasdale columns? No, she's writing like Dooce. And like Tiger Beatdown. And I'm not sure where any of that started, but somehow the Internets are to blame. Actually, I think Pamie invented this style, and it became the go-to Humorous Chick Blog template from there. I know because it tended to infect my writing when I was blogging. (I mean, I like it, it's funny, but it's definitely a Thing, and not every blog needs to USE CAPS FOR PUNCHLINES and read like a 14-year-old girl is saying it).

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:53:03 -0800

My apologies (for the misreading of the first paragraph, and the continual mis-spelling of Bloggess) but my interpretation still stands. The Manly Husband simply can't understand the difference between bath towels and beach towels! the problems the chicken caused are unrelated to cost Then why set up the whole "300 on sale for 100!" bit? A White Elephant doesn't have to be expensive - just inconvenient. It could have been 100 on sale for 20.

By: teleri025

teleri025 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:53:15 -0800

As someone who has an irrational fear of chickens, I am a little sympathetic to Victor's side on this one. Of course, if it'd been a giant metal bunny, I'd find it hilarious.

By: bitteschoen

bitteschoen — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:53:56 -0800

I think most of those things are probably bought as jokes, yes. As I started reading I was actually wondering "ok but what does this thing DO?" then realise it was the most futile question ever. Although it would have been great if it had been a giant metal cock AND towel dispenser.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:55:11 -0800

I'm pretty sure that Sady Doyle doesn't pretend her partner is Desi Arnez and that she is Lucille Ball, which is the part I find confusing.

By: churl

churl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:55:14 -0800

The story's actually really funny, and I like how it's written, but I completely don't get the current of outright hostility toward the husband throughout the thing. He's an "asshole" and a "motherfucker," really? Because he thought they had enough towels already? Maybe it's just me.

By: mmrtnt

mmrtnt — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:55:32 -0800

Perspective. Now you has it!

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:56:23 -0800

Or really, I'm confused about whether The Blogess is pretending to be Lucille Ball or Lucy Ricardo.

By: mstokes650

mstokes650 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:57:48 -0800

Oh sure, it's kinda funny now, but late at night when out of the corner of your eye you see a dark shape up in that tree and go "OH CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??" it won't seem so funny. Well, until you realize it's a giant metal chicken again. Still, that chicken will cut you.

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:57:59 -0800

Yeah, but muddgirl she does the whole OMG YOU GUYS thing for humor sometimes. She does it well, but it's definitely a style. I have people send me Bloggess links frequently, and they are funny, but it's a funny I've seen before.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 14:58:40 -0800

The Manly Husband simply can't understand the difference between bath towels and beach towels! I... don't think that's it, though. I think she said 'I wanna buy some towels!' and he was like 'You just bought towels!' and she was like 'But they're totally different kinds!' and he was like 'NO SUCH THING AS DIFFERENT KINDS' because they're married and therefore probably understand how to communicate with each other and probably joke around with each other and I don't think her humorous bloggy tale is supposed to be Confessions Of An Abused Housewife. She is writing everything, including her husband, in a tone of heightened whimsy, and part of the humor of that tone is that whenever someone within the narrative says something sarcastic or humorous or whimsical, it is dealt with as though it is just as serious, if not more, as everything else.

By: Bulgaroktonos

Bulgaroktonos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:00:19 -0800

Sure, $100 is a lot of money to some people, but its also not a lot of money to other people, the post gives us no idea how Victor feels about $100 or even if he knows the cost. We know he thinks it was "wasted money," but I'd wager that has as much to do with the utility of the chicken to Victor as anything else. I also assume she includes the detail that it was on sale because it sets up the $200 of free chicken joke.

By: mmrtnt

mmrtnt — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:00:58 -0800

"Giant chi... er, Candy Gram!"

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:01:01 -0800

schyler523: “I really think that (unsurprisingly) mefites are beanplating this.” I've been trying to pin down why this rubbed me the wrong way. I guess it's probably the fact that the first thing I thought of when I read this was how Victor must feel at having his wife write up one of their arguments online as a big joke and then portray him as a total and complete asshole. I guess maybe he is an asshole, and she's telling the truth. Is that what I'm supposed to assume to find it funny? That she's married to a jerk? Because if she's not married to a jerk – if she is actually married to a nice guy – well, I guess maybe they have a little understanding that when she writes things in her blog about how he's a humorless jerk, it's just a joke. It's hard for me not to think about how he feels when reading it. Yeah, okay, I'm "beanplating."

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:02:00 -0800

"There! I blogged to the whole world about how he's an asshole! Let's see how he feels about it now!"

By: maryr

maryr — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:02:13 -0800

I would love to set this woman loose in a Christmas Tree Shops. Don't you just love a bargain?

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:03:52 -0800

It reminds me of Bad News Hughes and Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About, both of which I very much miss- their later incarnations just aren't the same. I like to read about families like this. Does mean I give their family dynamics the small_ruminant Seal of Approval (TM)? Errr, not really. I mean, if they were presented as sane and well adjusted, they wouldn't be any fun to read about.

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:04:57 -0800

and then portray him as a total and complete asshole. Boy did I come away from this with a completely different take than you did.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:05:23 -0800

I... don't think that's it, though I'm calling it how I read it. If the Bloggess didn't intend for her husband to sound like a controlling jerk (even a fake controlling jerk) then it's pretty clear that she missed the mark. But I think she DID intend for her husband to come off as (a pretend) Ricky Ricardo, and that's fine, if that's how they play. It just makes for a very uncomfortable joke that has to be over-explained. "No, wait, my husband doesn't ACTUALLY want to punch me so hard I fly to the moon."

By: maryr

maryr — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:06:25 -0800

Also, to those complaining of her "wasting her money" - keep in mind that she LOVES this giant chicken and giggles every time she sees it. It's not entirely a waste.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:08:30 -0800

I'm calling it how I read it. That's fair. It's not how I read it, though, and I don't think her husband came off sounding like a controlling jerk (or even a fake controlling jerk), and I don't think she missed her mark at all.

By: melissa may

melissa may — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:09:02 -0800

I read the link and giggled uncontrollably, then read this thread and committed seppuku with a giant metal cock. Please, do read that literally. I am typing with blood-spattered fingers and it's getting awfully dark in he

By: everichon

everichon — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:10:09 -0800

This thread is causing me to LOL because it's like someone pulled the pin on a giant, rooster-shaped hand grenade, threw it into Metafilter, and walked away from the explosion all Hollywood style.

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:10:39 -0800

and I don't think her husband came off sounding like a controlling jerk Me neither. I came out of it feeling terribly sorry for him if it was at all true. But it was still funny because it wasn't me in either of their positions.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:12:50 -0800

Victor was surprisingly pissed that I'd "wasted money" on an enormous chicken, because apparently he couldn't appreciate the hysterical value of a 5 foot chicken ringing the doorbell. Then I said, "Well, at least it's not towels" and apparently that was the wrong thing to say because that's when Victor screamed and stormed off, but I knew he was locked in his office because I could hear him punching things in there.

No, she isn't insinuating that her husband is a jerk at.all. Clearly this presentation of her husband is a nice, sane man who reacts to a joke in a normal fashion. Again, I know that if there was a real incident, it didn't happen that way. I'm talking about the joke that the Bloggess is attempting to tell. And the joke definitely hinges on a very traditional "I Love Lucy" plotline.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:13:55 -0800

...with an eviler Lucy.

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:14:46 -0800

Actually, she kept reminding me of Stephanie Plum in the Janet Evanovich novels.

By: cmoj

cmoj — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:15:33 -0800

WHIMSY, not WHISKY. That's at the opposite end of my interest spectrum.

By: Ritchie

Ritchie — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:15:57 -0800

Whimsy now on sale!!! Was $300, now $100!!! Goes great with any blog post!!! Those guys have the biggest front door I've ever seen. Do they live at Hampton Court?

By: Zozo

Zozo — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:16:38 -0800

Man, this had been a weird day. I was out late last night celebrating my friend's successful Ph.D. candidacy exam and slept in this morning, with a pretty nasty hangover for my troubles. Then I didn't realize that school's out and that the buses are running on a summer schedule until I'd been waiting at the wrong stop for fifteen minutes. Then I got to work and found the parameters of the project I'm currently working on have changed, again, and I've got to wrestle all the work I've already done into the new format at executive whim. And then I fired up Chrome and somehow managed to log onto a version of MetaFilter from an alternate universe where nobody has ever used exaggeration for comic effect.

By: shakespeherian

shakespeherian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:16:38 -0800

Clearly this presentation of her husband is a nice, sane man who reacts to a joke in a normal fashion. I think the joke of the presentation, if you want to boil out all the humor, is that she is pretending to be a hopelessly clueless person who does extremely stupid things and doesn't understand what's wrong with them, and Victor is the adult that has to put up with her, thus making the joke about her.

By: padraigin

padraigin — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:17:45 -0800

Jeez you guys miss the point: IT WAS LIKE TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS WORTH OF FREE CHICKEN! This might as well be the greatest story ever told.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:19:30 -0800

small_ruminant: “I came out of it feeling terribly sorry for him if it was at all true. But it was still funny because it wasn't me in either of their positions.” That hit the nail on the head for me, frankly. I am probably taking this personally. I was married for a few years to somebody who didn't respect me at all, and who used words like "asshole" and "motherfucker" about me, and who told other people that we'd had arguments and that I was a stuck-up jerk. So, yeah, I read this and felt a little sick. muddgirl: “Again, I know that if there was a real incident, it didn't happen that way.” Furthermore, this whole "it's just a joke!" thing hardly holds water. Is it just a joke if Victor is a real person – any kind of real person – who gets to feel embarrassed at knowing the world thinks of him as a humorless dweeb? The only situation in which this would count as "just a joke!" is if Victor didn't exist at all. shakespeherian: “I think the joke of the presentation, if you want to boil out all the humor, is that she is pretending to be a hopelessly clueless person who does extremely stupid things and doesn't understand what's wrong with them, and Victor is the adult that has to put up with her, thus making the joke about her.” Yeah, that was the first thing that I thought of reading the article, actually. She's just a silly housewife who buys loads and loads of towels, and can't resist shopping with friends and who buys something ridiculous just because she loves the joke and because she loves wasting poor husband's money. Can you see how uncomfortable this joke was for some of us on all levels? I mean, I'm vacillating between interpretations here, and all of them are unsettling.

By: Zozo

Zozo — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:30:24 -0800

What if Victor is in on the joke, and finds it funny? What if he doesn't mind playing the straight man in his wife's wacky misadventures? What if you're looking at a totally harmless joke through the lens of your own harmful experiences and seeing things that aren't actually there?

By: kdar

kdar — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:31:28 -0800

It sure sounds like she and her husband have a healthy, mutually-supportive relationship.

By: Etrigan

Etrigan — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:32:40 -0800

Clearly, the real villain here is zarq for not putting a big disclaimer on it: "TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY IS A MIRROR AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK INTO YOUR OWN SOUL, STAY THE FUCK AWAY."

By: Scoo

Scoo — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:34:04 -0800

If my wife pulled this kind of passive aggressive crap on our 15th anniversary, that would be the ONLY cock she got that day HEYY-OOOOOOOOOOOO.

By: tamitang

tamitang — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:36:01 -0800

This... Oh sure, it's kinda funny now, but late at night when out of the corner of your eye you see a dark shape up in that tree and go "OH CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT??" it won't seem so funny. Well, until you realize it's a giant metal chicken again. Still, that chicken will cut you ...is the funniest thing I have ever read on Metafilter.

By: bitteschoen

bitteschoen — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:36:26 -0800

No matter how hard you try, you cannot boil the humour out of a metal chicken...

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:42:37 -0800

What if Victor is in on the joke, and finds it funny? What if he doesn't mind playing the straight man in his wife's wacky misadventures? Yeah, this was the way I interpreted the whole thing. It's a skit in the form of a blog post. I'm wishing I hadn't read this thread. It's really drained all the humor out the link. :(

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:44:35 -0800

I mean, it's a giant cock made out of metal, people! How can you go wrong? Other than in a Tetsuo: The Iron Man kind of way...

By: zarq

zarq — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:44:41 -0800

Some days, I really have no fucking clue why I bother to post things here.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:45:27 -0800

Sweet Jesus on stilts, do you buzzkills know who you are? You are people who for Grigori would not have sold goat, that's who.

By: Bunglegirl

Bunglegirl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:50:15 -0800

I often wonder what Victor is really like because he plays the grumpy guy in a lot of her stories. He must like her zaniness somewhat if they've been together 15 years. I didn't really get the sense that it was the cost that angered him so much as the fact that it was an enormous ridiculous looking thing that he now had to live with. Well, he managed to stop her from buying a large taxidermied boar head named James Garfield until he went back and bought it for her to shut her up. I agree that $100 is a lot of money but find her totally hilarious.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:51:18 -0800

hey dudes so it turns out that the sixth anniversary is NOT the spider frozen in acrylic anniversary just thought you might want to know if you want 6th year lovin

By: workerant

workerant — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:52:06 -0800

My next-door neighbors (Kenneth and Theresa) are a study in tension. We live in the Great Smoky Mountains of East Tennessee, and Theresa's family has occupied this holler since the early nineteenth century. Anyway, I stopped by their house for something a while back and noticed a very impressive ten-point buck head trophy mounted over the fireplace that I didn't remember seeing before. I said, "Kenneth, what's with the buck head? Is it new?" "Sure is. I shot that one in November at the farm over in Middle Tennessee. Got it stuffed and up on the wall it went." Now, I wouldn't be too crazy about a giant stuffed deer head in my living room so I asked him "What does Theresa think of it?" Kenneth looked down and kinda shuffled his feet. "Well, she ain't none too happy 'bout it." "She isn't?" "To make room I had to take down the eight-pointer she got last year."

By: jammer

jammer — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:52:45 -0800

I dunno. I found myself giggling at the picture of the giant chicken at the doorstep. That kind of ding-dong-ditch is the sort of thing my wife and I would do to each other; that part of the story I found truly amusing and I'm glad I read it. However, the husband/wife dynamic left me feeling more squicked out than the good part left me amused. My take on this is that this story is one of three things: 1) Honest, perhaps with mild exaggerations, in which case it is creepy and sad. 2) Exaggerated for the sake of humor, but unintentionally taken to the point of being off-putting in which case it's just poorly written. 3) Exaggerated for the sake of humor, and knowingly written to the point of being off-putting, but without sufficient contextual clues to let you in on the joke, in which case it's creepy, sad, *and* poorly written. I usually roll my eyes at beanplating, but I ... just didn't enjoy this, it's because of one of those three reasons, and I'm not sure which it is.

By: Ghostride The Whip

Ghostride The Whip — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:53:41 -0800

Isn't it possible she's both exaggerating for the sake of emphasis and kind of a nutjob, which is what makes it funny? Do I have to seriously ponder the psychological machinations behind Hyperbole and a Half each time I reread about The God of Cake or Simple Dog? I can't imagine the time some people spend deeply contemplating silly blog posts written in an over the top style to be amusing.

By: Alice Russel-Wallace

Alice Russel-Wallace — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:55:47 -0800

Zarq, for the record, I thought it was HILARIOUS - it brightened my day, so there! Mainly because of the thought of the rooster shanking anyone without respek for the art of silliness.

By: MeghanC

MeghanC — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:56:41 -0800

Koeselitz, I think that you're taking this too personally and overthinking. I'm sorry that you were in what sounds to have been an awful, toxic relationship, but calling each other names isn't necessarily indicative of anything other than people who think that name-calling is funny. My (healthy, happy) relationship with my (loving, awesome) partner isn't all that different from what's shown in this story, only if it were our relationship, someone would've gotten punched. Not hard. Not in a way that left marks or even hurt. But someone would've gotten punched, and someone else would've yelled dramatically and banged their head against a wall, and then we would have fallen over laughing, because that's what we do. We tell horrible stories about each other to people, because we're okay being the punchlines to the other's jokes--my current favorite story is about what an unbelievable asshole he is, only telling the story usually involves a lot more profanity than that. The first time I told *him* the story--about himself, in which he is the bad guy--he laughed so hard that he literally fell out of his chair. I read the Bloggess all the time and think that she's quite funny--at least in part, I'm sure, because I see something of my own relationship (which, again, is pretty damn functional) in hers. I can certainly sympathize with being made to feel uncomfortable by the post, especially if you have a history of unhappy relationships, but I think that it's unfair to make either "character" out to be the bad guy without more personal knowledge than any of us have.

By: Lulu's Pink Converse

Lulu's Pink Converse — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:57:22 -0800

Zozo: "What if Victor is in on the joke, and finds it funny? What if he doesn't mind playing the straight man in his wife's wacky misadventures? What if you're looking at a totally harmless joke through the lens of your own harmful experiences and seeing things that aren't actually there?" Yeah. If you bother to read the blog beyond this one piece, it's pretty clear that Victor is the straight man in her writing, and they have That Kind of Relationship. For pity's sake, I told my own husband that if he brought home another racing bike, I'd strangle *him* and guess what he brought home last night? But I didn't actually strangle him. Though my reaction would probably have been better had he brought home a metal chicken. Mostly because a metal chicken would be a hell of a lot cheaper and we don't already have five metal chickens. It all depends on the relationship. Again, if you read more of the blog, there's no reason for the Judgey McJudgerson going on about the whole thing.

By: dunkadunc

dunkadunc — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:59:01 -0800

Wow, that guy sounds like a dick.

By: immlass

immlass — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:59:51 -0800

I've seen this around a lot and to add to the statistics, I'm a woman and I don't get why this story is supposed to be so funny. For that I matter, it's not like I ever find the Bloggess that funny. This story doesn't rise above the usual for me. (And yeah, the presentation is a little Lockhorns-ish for my taste. Please feel free to send pity Memails to my spouse for my toxic humorlessness; his username is in my profile.)

By: Alice Russel-Wallace

Alice Russel-Wallace — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:00:30 -0800

Also, it has hints of a J. Walter Weatherman-type lesson... "AND THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T STOP ME FROM BUYING TOWELS".

By: Capt. Renault

Capt. Renault — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:01:16 -0800

Sorry -- I just didn't think it was funny at all. To me, it had a mean-spirited "oh, I'll show you" vibe that I just don't like. Went over like a lead balloon to me, and there was no beanplating involved. I get the joke -- I just thought it was mean, and can't see why someone would do that to someone they love. To each their own, I suppose.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:04:29 -0800

MeghanC: “I'm sorry that you were in what sounds to have been an awful, toxic relationship, but calling each other names isn't necessarily indicative of anything other than people who think that name-calling is funny.” But they didn't call each other names; that's kind of the point. She told a bunch of strangers on the internet that he's an asshole. Isn't that a little different? I mean, do turn to your friends at parties and say: "my husband is such an asshole?"

By: Kevin Street

Kevin Street — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:05:22 -0800

Honestly, I think there's value in being with a partner who can surprise you on a regular basis. Maybe Victor had a bad day, he's grumpy about the towels and stuff, then the doorbell rings and ... IT'S A GIANT METAL CHICKEN! It's a totally absurd reminder not to take life so seriously. Like the Internet bunny with a pancake on its head, but in real life. Then she put the chicken outside his window where he can see it every day, but he never moved the thing. So maybe he doesn't really mind it so much. Maybe he actually likes being married to someone who will go to such extremes to make their lives an adventure, but will never admit it.

By: meinvt

meinvt — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:07:37 -0800

Wow! I can't believe all the vitriol at either of them. For that matter I can't believe I bothered reading to the end of this thread. I wonder if folks would have had the same reaction if it had been $10 instead of $100 in the story. What if she got the cock for free? Personally, I thought the story was great, well told, and about the sort of relationship that can endure this because it is so strong.

By: millipede

millipede — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:07:59 -0800

This woman reminds me of what I hoped I would grow up to be when I was about 12. That is all.

By: DrGirlfriend

DrGirlfriend — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:08:55 -0800

I'm not sure how the prank she played was mean. Maybe it's because she made it seem like her husband was just enraged, but that just read like hyperbole to me. IMO, this was the gist of the story: he's annoyed with how many towels they already have and tells her not to buy any more, she thinks he's being unreasonable, she goes shopping and finds a way to play a joke on him based on the unreasonableness he perceives, joke rubs him the wrong way, she says something that makes it worse, and in the end everything simmers down. I'm not seeing the maliciousness. This thread was exhausting. Damn.

By: flyingsquirrel

flyingsquirrel — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:09:29 -0800

I thought this was hilarious. I saw it yesterday via FB, and I'm glad to see it here. Life needs more of the silly (says the woman who wears giant red cardinal slippers in winter, grinds pepper from a plastic Jesus, and collects rubber rats).

By: Capt. Renault

Capt. Renault — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:11:03 -0800

I'm not seeing the maliciousness. To me, it's in the trying to score points off each other more than any of the particulars. But, again, I'm entirely unqualified to speak to what makes a marriage works.

By: Lipstick Thespian

Lipstick Thespian — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:12:09 -0800

These two people are seriously fucking irritating.

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:12:36 -0800

Metafilter: What if she got the cock for free? I REGRET NOTHING

By: MeghanC

MeghanC — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:14:12 -0800

koeselitz: But they didn't call each other names; that's kind of the point. She told a bunch of strangers on the internet that he's an asshole. Isn't that a little different? I mean, do turn to your friends at parties and say: "my husband is such an asshole?" Yes. I mean, I do. I've done it when he's standing right next to me. And then he laughed. He's done the same thing to me (though, okay, usually it's "she's fucking crazy") and then I've laughed. Maybe we're still stuck in sixth grade, but we generally believe that a heaping dose of name-calling makes things funnier. I mean, what makes a funnier antagonist--"the man in the yellow Honda headed east on 78," or "That asshole in the little yellow box"? I'm going for asshole, every time, even if the asshole is my partner. I assume--or I choose to believe, anyhow--that if the name-calling were an issue for Victor, he wouldn't be in the relationship.

By: winna

winna — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:14:33 -0800

I felt sorry for Victor and the UPS man, and even for her. See, I am sort of that whimsical kind of person. I have the giant chicken equivalent, even. One night last winter I was coming home from school and I was exhausted and unhappy and stressed after a fourteen hour day that had ended in a bloodbath of statistical model building and I went to the grocery store so I could buy some food to shove into my maw before I went to sleep. I rolled through the store until I got to the front, where they have the little display of useless 'home decor' junk. And there, giving me this outrageously snotty look, was a perfectly enormous green china frog. He was looking at me with loathing, and though frogs do not have eyebrows, he was arching his eyebrows at me. This was a frog who was clearly classing me as canaille and wondering why the grocery store let people like me into the establishment. This was a frog with standards. And after that long, sad, difficult day, a frog sneering at me was just hilarious. I laughed so hard I had to sit at one of the cheap iron chairs they were selling for the patio and put my head down. I laughed until I cried and my stomach hurt. And then I bought Wilberforce and his two smaller brothers, Eustace and Wallace. So every time I round the corner into my kitchen and am confronted by a trio of frogs who appear to be lamenting the low company into which they have fallen, it cheers me up. She's making Victor into part of her audience, and it really seems like he is not into it. It's not funny to drag people into your theater and shove them into a chair if they're not into it. It's kind of bossy and self-centered. I guess I can see how it would be inadequate as a story if you explain the giant chicken without dragging in a straight man, but it has to be rough on Victor. I hope that Victor enjoys being her straight man, but this story doesn't really seem like he's okay with it. The detail of him just shutting the door on her and walking away doesn't seem like it. If he's okay with his straightmanishness, you'd think he'd've stayed there so as to milk the situation rather than completely disengaging.

By: DrGirlfriend

DrGirlfriend — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:14:49 -0800

Scoring points is not always malicious. Sometimes it can be lighthearted. Of course, the problem here (I think) is in how people are perceiving the nature of the joke, which maybe is not helped by her tone?

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:22:55 -0800

Look, people, this is clearly a couple who have been happily married for 15 years and are very used to and probably revel in each others' general ridiculousness. exhibit a, wherein she falls in love with a hideous taxidermy boar head exhibit b, wherein he goes back to buy the damn thing for her

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:26:07 -0800

MeghanC: “I assume--or I choose to believe, anyhow--that if the name-calling were an issue for Victor, he wouldn't be in the relationship.” You might think that, when people are hurt by stuff their spouse says, they either put a stop to it or leave. But you'd be wrong. As such, I don't see why it's warranted to assume that about Victor at all, particularly since she gives us no reason to conclude that.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:26:13 -0800

For the story to work, it has to have a long-suffering, exasperated, irascible yet tolerant partner. Phyllis Diller had Fang; Joan Rivers had Edgar; David Sedaris has Hugh. This is exactly the sort of thing my best friend would do to her beloved husband of 35ish years -- we've all just accepted at this point that she's the Cat in the Hat and the rest of us are the fish.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:27:19 -0800

"bloggess, honey, i've been thinking - i shouldn't be so judgmental about the things you like and i've decided to be more supportive ... remember how we used to talk about getting a pet?"

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:31:20 -0800

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:32:00 -0800

I would love it if my wife brought home a giant metal chicken. Mrs A would love it if I brought home a giant metal chicken. Especially if it was $200 of free whimsy. Now my life will not be complete without a giant metal chicken. Thanks, zarq!

By: bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated

bessel functions seem unnecessarily complicated — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:38:28 -0800

Yep, that was entirely awesome. And reading some more of her posts, I think I'm going to end up hooked. Damn you zarq! I have other things I should be doing!

By: everichon

everichon — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:45:53 -0800

He should declaw the rooster to get back at her. Or fight it in a cockfight.

By: hippybear

hippybear — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:47:17 -0800

I'm not even reading the thread. I got in from work and was all "nearly 200 comments? what on earth could that be?" And then I read it and laughed so hard I cried. Thank you zarq. What a perfect introduction to the weekend.

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:47:37 -0800

I saw the photo of the front door, thought about the metal folk sculpture, read the line about "scaring the snakes", and something in the back of my mind whispered "Texas". A-yup.

By: 26.2

26.2 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:48:07 -0800

If we had a giant metal chicken, I would get far more than $100 bucks worth of laughs out of it. That thing would go on a tour to see all our friends. One day you'd go to the office and there'd be a giant chicken sitting at your desk. Go to visit your in-laws and the chicken would be in the kitchen wearing an apron. Honestly, if it replaced me in my casket I'd come back from the dead to laugh about it. That chicken would be comedy gold.

By: Ideefixe

Ideefixe — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:55:40 -0800

I'd guess that Victor likes the ad revenue. She's a pretty popular blogger, if not in the same league with Dooce or Ree. I think most spouse/SOs of popular bloggers somehow survive the mortification.

By: lattiboy

lattiboy — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:56:42 -0800

Frowned-upon metafilter topics: Circumcision Cat de-clawing Israel / Palestine Giant metal chickens sounds about right

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:13:01 -0800

winna - I get Wilberforce and Wallace, but who's Eustace? Also, I'm glad you didn't name one of them Huxley, as I would have to correct you — It's "Darwin's bulldog", not "bullfrog".

By: los pantalones del muerte

los pantalones del muerte — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:13:03 -0800

Man, tough crowd. Seemed funny to me. It sounds like something Nora would do to Nick.

By: Space Kitty

Space Kitty — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:17:01 -0800

I thought it was funny as hell. Now that FelliniBlank mentioned it, it does remind me of David Sedaris' travails with Hugh. I guess people's mileage varies even more than I thought.

By: waxbanks

waxbanks — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:21:12 -0800

Damn, just when I was getting ready to start up my 'I was a childish passive-aggressive dick to my spouse and wasted $100 on a "joke" and wrote a "funny" blog post about it and here CLICK MY ADS ALLCAPS' blog, I find out at there are already plenty of PERSONALITY+++ Dooce knockoffs. Really a dreadful link, sorry.

By: 0xdeadc0de

0xdeadc0de — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:24:20 -0800

That's an expensive-looking front door for someone concerned about dropping a Benjamin on whimsy. Don't be such a tightwad, Victor.

By: OolooKitty

OolooKitty — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:31:41 -0800

I love the Bloggess. She has brightened many of my days. And I loved this post. The picture of the giant dangerous metal chicken at the door made me laugh for five minutes. And then I read this thread, and now I have to go lie down. I don't understand what's going on around here these days. Seriously.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:42:29 -0800

OolooKitty: "And then I read this thread, and now I have to go lie down. I don't understand what's going on around here these days. Seriously." I know. It's like a whole thread filled with Victors.

By: hippybear

hippybear — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:50:11 -0800

I knew I was right to not read the thread. :)

By: speicus

speicus — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:57:40 -0800

Dysfunctional relationships are FULL OF WHIMSY

By: speicus

speicus — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 17:57:52 -0800

This thread is FULL OF WHIMSY

By: barnacles

barnacles — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:00:17 -0800

robocop is bleeding: "hey dudes so it turns out that the sixth anniversary is NOT the spider frozen in acrylic anniversary just thought you might want to know if you want 6th year lovin" You, sir, have apparently never been partner to an arachnologist!

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:06:37 -0800

Whimsy my ass.

By: cooker girl

cooker girl — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:09:13 -0800

I get that it's supposed to be funny, and I actually love the photo of the chicken at the door (possibly the funniest part of the story). It (and most of how the Bloggess writes about her marriage) reminds me of Everybody Loves Raymond (and everything of the same ilk), and, to me, that's why it's not funny. I can appreciate that others do think it's hilarious but as someone who grew up watching married people actually treat each other like shit, I don't want to read about married people even pretending to treat each other like shit. It makes my heart hurt. That said, I'm glad that some of you find it funny. I really, truly do. Hopefully you can understand why it rubs some of us the wrong way.

By: Rory Marinich

Rory Marinich — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:13:19 -0800

These two people are seriously fucking irritating. Which? There are way more than two fucking irritating people posting in this thread.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:15:24 -0800

Have these fucking people reproduced? God help us.

By: mrhappy

mrhappy — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:16:40 -0800

This blogger does not qualify for the Metafilter Seal of Approval.

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:22:40 -0800

This is why we can't have giant metal chickens, people.

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:24:18 -0800

The chicken is full of STARS.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:30:10 -0800

Yay it's time for Let's Fight About Lifestyles! Let me get my chocolate milk.

By: Rory Marinich

Rory Marinich — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:30:55 -0800

Upon reading this paragraph from this post:

And yes. That is a GINORMOUS wolf/bear/pig thing and I wanted it immediately. Like, I kind of dropped my jaw and rocked back on my heels in shock a little and Victor was all "What the f...?" and I'm like "I MUST HAVE THAT" and Victor's all "WHAT?! Where would you even put that?!" and I'm all "In my office, obviously. I'm not sharing James Garfield with the rest of you" and he's all "You named it? WE JUST SAW IT." and I'm all "Well, it's pretty obvious his name is James Garfield" and Victor gave me this hard stare and said "That thing is not going in our house". Because apparently Victor hates animals. And patriotism. Then I tried to convince him that it was too big of a bargain not to buy since the normal-sized boar next to him was $100 and James Garfield was slightly less than $100 so technically per pound he was practically a steal. It was like they were giving him away. And then Victor was all "They should give him away. Do you see what it says on the tag? 'Damaged. Major hair loss.' It's horrific." and I'm all "Yeah? Well I love you in spite of your major hair loss" and he's all "WTF? I don't even have major hair loss" and I'm all "Yeah, but I didn't know that when I married you. Your grampa was practically bald by 30 so I just assumed you would be too and I happily married you anyway. Because I love you. Just like I love James Garfield". Then he walked away and I could tell he wanted to slam a door in frustration but he couldn't because it wasn't our house. And actually, now that I'm writing this I'm thinking that Victor was probably mad because he thought I was saying I love him just as much as I love James Garfield. Which is just not true. I love you way more than I love James Garfield, Victor. I just meant that I love you the same way. Blindly and with every fiber of my being. So yeah, I think you owe me an apology.

...I think we can conclude a few things. First off, Victor is not a poor schlub whose wife is mocking him on the Internet. He's playing the straight man, sure, but he's got a certain dry scathing to his responses to her. In the follow-up he mockingly suggests she ought to be in therapy while buying her a boar's head, so it seems pretty clear to me that these two people love each other quite a bit, and this is a game they play with one another. And second-of-ly, this Bloggess is a very talented humor writer, because every line of that is fucking gold. Deliciously descriptive, perfectly paced, the best jokes kind of blindside you, and the whole thing just drips with love for Victor. I don't know why people complain about bloggers who use lots of formatting and ALL CAPS and short sentences and whimsy. Yeah, it's an often-done style on the Internet. It's often-done because a whole wave of people who are extremely funny people realized that you don't have to adhere to traditional writing styles when you're on the Internet, and so people who normally wouldn't be writers chose to be writers anyway and they are hilarious. Just fantastic writers. You can find biting satire and wit online if you're looking for it. But that's not what this is, and this is just as awesome as that, and you all sound like a bunch of get-off-my-lawners. And I'll give you a warning, because guess what? I summer-camp-counseled a generation of 13-to-17-year-olds, and they're even more whimsical and hyperactive when they write online, and some of them are really, really smart, and if you think this is frustrating to read you're going to be exhausted by what comes next. Which is a shame because I think it's something new and incredible that we've never seen before and I'm grateful for it. If you think it sucks then there's just more for me. Thanks for sharing this, Zarq.

By: quin

quin — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:33:00 -0800

On my way home tonight I stopped at this weird and great little resturant down the road from me and I was awed and amazed to see this in with the live birds they keep. What are the odds?

By: elizardbits

elizardbits — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:33:22 -0800

it seems pretty clear to me that these two people love each other quite a bit, and this is a game they play with one another see also.

By: seanmpuckett

seanmpuckett — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:37:03 -0800

I used to be married to a woman for whom every day was a test to see how many public insults, busts, sarcastic comments, physical kicks in the ass (infamously called a side-glute) and needles I could absorb before I got riled. Then she would mock me for not being able to take a joke. She apparently wanted to know "how much shit can I get away with" every day. And every week or two I'd try and explain that I didn't really see why she needed to do that and I wish she would stop, and then she'd get bitchy and resentful and say that it was the way she grew up and I should just deal with it. It was usually something I could ignore or just cope with, but some days it just made me freaking miserable. I didn't see any need for it. I was willing to be kind and friendly and genuine all the time, but it seemed to leave her feeling raw and irritated and she'd just get vicious. So in order to keep some moderate sort of peace, I needed to return the jabs in order to keep what she inflicted on me down to only mildly painful. Not fun. I'm now married to someone who is just as friendly and genuine as I prefer to be. Sarcasm has left my vocabulary. I know that my kind words will never be rebutted with "just for fun" griefing. It is like I used to have a teddy bear that, when I would hug it, would poke needles into my arms. Now my teddy bear is just soft and resilient, the way a teddy bear should be. And when I visit the ex and she tries to bust me, when I'd use to just smile a little and sigh and roll my eyes and suck it up, I can look her in the eye with a face as dead as a corpse until she stops and realizes that, no, I'm not going to play along with that shit anymore, because I have nothing to lose with her anymore. And, amazingly, we can move on to having a real, genuine conversation. So, yeah, I get this 100% because I spent 13 years living with it every day and know every single in and out of this kind of behaviour. And if two people are cool with it, then yeah, sure, go ahead and touché every day, count all the coup you want, keep score of the pokes, the insults, the pink towels and the metal chickens. But it doesn't work for me, and reading about it just makes me cringe.

By: Rory Marinich

Rory Marinich — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:37:36 -0800

me: "Or in meth. Unless you don't like meth. Then we don't either." me (to the check-out lady as we're leaving): We don't really have a meth lab. Check-out lady: Oh. Okay. elizardbits, this is incredible. RSS'd. And Victor's line at the end — "Well, good luck, local meth lab. We're going to fucking crush you" — I want to show up in the next season of Breaking Bad. Plus it's proof that Victor is awesome and probably madly in love with his wife instead of totally crushed by her.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:52:12 -0800

Check-out lady: Oh. Okay. Speaking as a longtime retail worker, I figure what the checkout lady is actually thinking is "Uh-huh, yet another witty motherfucker. Lucky me."

By: Kloryne

Kloryne — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 18:58:05 -0800

The couple in this story sounds playful and happy. Something some of you no doubt have little experience with.

By: ersatzkat

ersatzkat — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:09:23 -0800

zarq - thanks - chicken story made me laugh. And, of course: Metafilter: if you think this is frustrating to read you're going to be exhausted by what comes next

By: pushing paper and bottoming chairs

pushing paper and bottoming chairs — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:20:59 -0800

I liked this story--very funny, and well written. Thanks for posting zarq.

By: melissa may

melissa may — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:25:33 -0800

You guys, she has a sex column too. If you've ever felt a strange pang while watching "The Jerk" (or just while being one!), you too may find it wildly arousing.

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:32:00 -0800

You guys, she has a sex column too. If you've ever felt a strange pang while watching "The Jerk" (or just while being one!), you too may find it wildly arousing. "Yo, Stephen Sondheim, wanna get in here, make it a threesome?" "No, I'm 80."

By: Slap*Happy

Slap*Happy — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:47:05 -0800

There is way too much self-righteous puritanical political bullshit going on in this thread. Let me spell it out to you "enlightened" progressive* types - blowing a $100 on a gag gift is something no one should raise an eyebrow at. Her family doesn't make more than her fair share. You have settled for too little, to where you resent a fucking metal chicken so much you can't find it funny. Organize or die. Direct your ire at the ones cutting the paychecks, and demand your fair share. *Because you're too cowardly to call yourselves liberals. You let Rush gawdamn Limbaugh run your entire political philosophy out of the country on a rail, so you have to change your whole name, and you whine that some lady bought a giant metal chicken for laughs.

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:50:12 -0800

Organize or die. Direct your ire at the ones cutting the paychecks, and demand your fair share. It's my giant metal chicken, and I need it NOW!

By: sambosambo

sambosambo — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:51:07 -0800

What a great day! NY passes marriage equality, AND I passed the BIG METAL CHICKENS test. USA! USA! USA!

By: jb

jb — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 20:58:05 -0800

I don't have $100 to spend on giant metal chickens. But I'm very glad she did -- and that she wrote about it. Because she's been making me laugh about it all day. "Fifteen years is giant metal chickens!"

By: Graygorey

Graygorey — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:00:54 -0800

In the Gorey household, aggressive whimsy is a punch-in-the-mouth offense. Don't get me wrong: Mrs. Gorey and I abhor violence; we just abhor the overall waste of time, materials, and money that whimsy represents more. The intentional use of whimsy to effect or annoy others calls for swift, direct corrective action, and few people forget a quick shot to the mouth. Really, it's a social duty.

By: 26.2

26.2 — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:12:44 -0800

Violent whimsy haters. I didn't know people had both the time and misery to piss on someone else's happiness.

By: BlueHorse

BlueHorse — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:20:31 -0800

I'll give it a B+. I didn't like the language or the presentation, as it seemed somewhat mean-spirited, but the plot line was funnier than hell. Wondering if the tone would have been different if it were told in person? I love the metal chicken. Certainly not what I could/would spend $100 on, but it would be fun to have in my chicken yard. Scare the eggs right outta them hens! Actually, she's late. Steel is listed for the tenth anniversary. I'm boring. I'd have bought the towels. You can never have too many big, fluffy bath towels.

By: Adventurer

Adventurer — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 22:26:12 -0800

I'm starting to hate whimsy too. It's so easy and inadequate. It's the like overprescribed antibiotics of fun. (p.s. I am sick this week)

By: Kronos_to_Earth

Kronos_to_Earth — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 23:36:24 -0800

I love this thread, but I have to get to sleep. I think I'm still going to be laughing when I get up.

By: bitteschoen

bitteschoen — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 00:18:00 -0800

And I'll give you a warning, because guess what? I summer-camp-counseled a generation of 13-to-17-year-olds, and they're even more whimsical and hyperactive when they write online, and some of them are really, really smart, and if you think this is frustrating to read you're going to be exhausted by what comes next. Ahh! Now I want to read that! Please? Meanwhile, A Message from Cupid: To all the people who beanplated and buzzkilled the giant metal chicken, if you're single, I recommend you go over that thread about the bus-waving-costume-wearing-dad from a couple weeks ago and pick the beanplaters and buzzkills on that one, you'll find your soulmates!

By: AzzaMcKazza

AzzaMcKazza — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 01:15:59 -0800

I am glad this sort of person is not closely in my life.

By: phunniemee

phunniemee — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 01:26:36 -0800

I have read exactly two posts from the bloggess. This one about the chicken and this one about post it notes. Both stories have featured towels as plot motivators. Does anyone here read her stuff regularly? How often does she talk about towels? (Really, any more than a coincidental twice and I have to think that maybe she lives in crazy town.)

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 02:31:17 -0800

To me, the writer was trying too hard--the story didn't seem very "natural," for lack of a better term. "I'm going to go out and make something gosh-darn wacky happen" rather than "now here's something wacky that happened the other day." It's the difference between the affectations of someone who is naturally eccentric (and who doesn't think of themselves as such) versus someone who is desperate to be thought of as eccentric. I hated the McMansion front door, if not the idea of leaving a giant chicken in front of it.

By: mippy

mippy — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 03:35:55 -0800

For the story to work, it has to have a long-suffering, exasperated, irascible yet tolerant partner. This oddly describes me and MrM. He still finds the fact that I meticulously planned his 30th birthday cake, down to getting the mould imported from the US, then stuck it in the oven and GRILLED it. The writing here didn't do it for me, but for those of you thinking that $100 is too much for a gag gift...well, that's what signing your partner up to the Franklin Mint catalogue is for.

By: mmmbacon

mmmbacon — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 05:55:36 -0800

Zarq, this was great. I really wish people would stop reducing ever single female humorist who jokes about marriage to Lucy Ricardo.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 08:19:46 -0800

That hit the nail on the head for me, frankly. I am probably taking this personally. I was married for a few years to somebody who didn't respect me at all, and who used words like "asshole" and "motherfucker" about me, and who told other people that we'd had arguments and that I was a stuck-up jerk. So, yeah, I read this and felt a little sick. Me, too. This sounds a lot like my first wife. laughing at me, not with me. Playing against me rather than on my team. Sure, I'm projecting, but I also vote "not funny".

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 08:25:43 -0800

26.2: “Violent whimsy haters. I didn't know people had both the time and misery to piss on someone else's happiness.” Yes, people like Victor should not be allowed to exist.

By: Hello, I'm David McGahan

Hello, I'm David McGahan — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 08:29:15 -0800

For the record, the line about the chicken it will cut you was pretty amusing, as was the the piece overall, though there were some elements that made me squick a bit, which would suggest that she has a future in British comedy writing. But here's the thing I don't get - labelling people who have had a different reaction to this as joyless or overthinking it or whatever. Thanks for minimising the experience of people who post here just because they disagree with you. I do realise that the blog post was full of hyperbole, obviously, but dealing with passive aggressive behaviour is not much fun, and it is a worthwhile target of satire. However, for a thought experiment try trading husband and wife roles in this story.

By: bad grammar

bad grammar — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 08:30:55 -0800

Typical of "arty" stores, the kind where chairs are painted in Mexican folk art style and spoons are shaped like animals. I hate these stores and whenever I go into one I imagine the supposedly creative artists toiling in sweatshops to make these items, the ownership of which supposedly expresses your creativity. I feel the same way about embroidery, beads, appliqués, and those laser-cut flower thingies on women's clothes.

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 08:59:21 -0800

Well, shoot, nobody else has picked up on this, so I guess it falls to me. Metafilter: Yet another witty motherfucker. Lucky me.

By: Yiggs

Yiggs — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 10:01:45 -0800

Moral of the story: Don't marry the manic pixie dream girl.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 10:12:00 -0800

Does anyone here read her stuff regularly? How often does she talk about towels? (Really, any more than a coincidental twice and I have to think that maybe she lives in crazy town.) I don't mean to be overly insulting, but I think you really don't know where your towel is. *shakes head sadly*

By: straight

straight — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 10:47:05 -0800

This is one of the saddest MetaFilter threads I've read. My genuine sympathies to all those for whom this was a trigger for bad relationship memories instead of funny. I just came in to thank zarq for introducing me to a funny writer. I like her stuff.

By: You Can't Tip a Buick

You Can't Tip a Buick — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 13:08:22 -0800

If I can't giant metal chicken, it's not my revolution.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 14:38:26 -0800

My genuine sympathies to all those for whom this was a trigger for bad relationship memories instead of funny. Thanks! I'm clearly in some sort of Eeyore mood today because I just felt sort of bad for the husband and the retail clerk. This is the only thing I've read by her. I can be a little down on whimsy, the woman who wrote it seems like a capable writer who, to my eyes, was trying too hard, so I concluded that I am not her target audience. That seems fine with me. Everything doesn't have to be for everyone. Maybe I'm just some grump who can't find humor in stories where people yell at other people and call them names because I have a bad childhood or maybe I just have a different sense of humor from other people. There is no such thing as objectively funny-to-everyone humor, really. I'm not sure why people think there might be.

By: lonelid

lonelid — Sat, 25 Jun 2011 20:21:44 -0800

this story is cute and all, but I want to know more about the drunk lady that bought the first one.

By: batmonkey

batmonkey — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 02:31:45 -0800

In the comment thread that followed the entry, she explained that Victor was supportive enough that he'd been working to fix the hosting issues caused by the popularity of the piece. Until I read that (and the explanation about the towels), I was feeling somewhat badly about how hard it had made me laugh. So hard that - even after being taken out of the "moment" by the threats & name-calling - I unthinkingly took a sip of my beverage then had to mop it off the laptop screen because I continued reading. Anyway. Laughed but felt bad, then read comment where she explained their situation more, which made me feel better about it. I guess she could have pre-loaded the funny with all that info or slapped on some disclaimers, caveats, and warnings...but I think that would have undermined the piece, ultimately. It's cavalier humour, and a lot of the impact comes from being outside of comfortable norms. I'm over-sensitive. Grossly. I doubt anyone here is aware of my posting history or has any interest in it in the least, but it absolutely paints the portrait of someone who should have been bummed out by this whole thing, even down to the lifestyle their front door represents (and she wrote a reply that addressed that, too). But reading through it quickly and allowing her writing style to become a "voice" took me out of that judging space and I laughed until I was crying and had to mop up rootbeer. I totally get where the naysayers are coming from, and it's sad their experience has ruined even a cartoonish representation of a prank like this one. Stupid jerks who make you spend the rest of your life analysing and overthinking and cringing is draining and annoying, and sometimes you can't help but be put back into that place even if you're currently happy and generally have a great sense of humour. And sometimes it's just that the humour train doesn't stop at your junction. Unplugging the critical thinking for a little bit was totally worth it for me. Thanks, zarq! "Dude. Nice chicken." "It is NOT a nice chicken!"

By: krinklyfig

krinklyfig — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 10:17:45 -0800

The middle class almost deserves to die off. Someone has to make the giant metal chickens.

By: Ideefixe

Ideefixe — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 14:13:25 -0800

Haters gonna hate.

By: misha

misha — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 17:47:51 -0800

I read through all the comments here with bemusement, because my reaction on the piece was, "Wow, I SO need a best friend like Laura!" Jenny (The Bloggess) and her best friend are absolutely in tune with each other, and it is awesome. And the line about, "This chicken will cut you"? Priceless. So, anyway, The Bloggess is a great person. Really. I've met her in person several times, she's a lot of fun, she's done good stuff like raise money for charity, blah blah blah. But that's not what's important. We'e talking about just this one post of hers here. So, as far as that goes, I understand the criticism from those that sympathize with Victor because they feel like he's been portrayed as a bit of a humorless ass here. If you haven't read more of her blog, if you don't know either of them, and you're just going by this one piece, I could see where you might think it was mean-spirited, rather than just poking fun. Her humor can be biting sometimes, but he gives as good as he gets. The two of them have this rapport and it seems to work for them, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. But the criticism in the thread about the quality of the writing seemed less than generous to me, to put it mildly. It left me wondering if some frustrated writers who do NOT have half a million visitors to their blog every month, or a published book or two under their belts, might not just be a little envious, and letting that envy tarnish their critiques. Seriously, asking who she is trying to be? Jenny doesn't need to pretend to be this writer or that caricature. She's just being herself, and one of the things I like about her is that she doesn't feel the need to apologize for that. Thanks, zarq. Great post!

By: davejay

davejay — Tue, 28 Jun 2011 13:54:42 -0800

One cares more about money, one cares more about funny, and neither one seems to have much respect for the other. Damn shame to be throwing away a perfectly good chicken like that.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 09:15:18 -0800

Missed this until a MeTa comment pointed it out, because I'd already seen the post on fb, so why click through on MeFi? Oh, for the delicious commentses! For the love of giant metal cocks, people, it's SATIRE. Bloggess as in "female blogger," because she's parodying a certain class of insufferable female 'humorist' bloggers. When you read it like that, it's hilarious.

By: The corpse in the library

The corpse in the library — Wed, 29 Jun 2011 09:45:08 -0800

I don't read it like that, and it's hilarious. It isn't satire. She exaggerates for the sake of a good story, but she's not parodying anyone.

By: bendy

bendy — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 20:52:59 -0800

if you read the follow up, it's pretty clear that Victor gives back as good as he gets and that they complement each other nicely.