Comments on: Sticky Fingers

Sticky Fingers

the man of twists and turns — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:10:26 -0800

Last week, authorities discovered over 10 million pounds of maple syrup (1/4 of provincial reserves) missing from a Quebec warehouse. It is valued at over $30 million dollars.

By: This, of course, alludes to you

This, of course, alludes to you — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:15:49 -0800

It's a tragedy but I doubt we'll ever catch who did it. They're probably diabolically clever and insanely skillful and as such we shouldn't even try to find them. Consider it sunk costs and just move on, you know?

By: bardic

bardic — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:18:13 -0800

Fucking gangsta.

By: MuffinMan

MuffinMan — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:22:12 -0800

It's a tragedy but I doubt we'll ever catch who did it.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:22:20 -0800

The barrels are still in the warehouse; the syrup inside them is gone. Maybe I'm just suspicious and cynical, but I'm wondering if the syrup was ever inside the barrels in the first place. Fake inventory as part of an investment manipulation or insurance scam? Wouldn't be the first time.

By: MartinWisse

MartinWisse — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:22:33 -0800

I hear a day of national mourning has been called for tomorrow?

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:23:10 -0800

Sweet!

By: likeso

likeso — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:24:59 -0800

TIL: there is such a thing as a "global strategic maple syrup reserve".

By: milarepa

milarepa — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:25:03 -0800

Breaking Bad: Canada.

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:25:15 -0800

Police suspect the syrup mafia and are on the watch for any vehicles moving slowly, very very slowly, away from the scene of the crime.

By: Egg Shen

Egg Shen — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:26:05 -0800

I'm wondering if the syrup was ever inside the barrels in the first place. Is maple syrup a precursor to something? (Other than, of course, delicious Belgian waffles?)

By: bardic

bardic — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:27:21 -0800

Boyz n the Wood

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:27:46 -0800

Better call.... Miss Maple YYYYYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

By: jb

jb — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:35:16 -0800

TIL: there is such a thing as a "global strategic maple syrup reserve". I learned this last week when the news first broke - and now I can't stop saying it. The world is a better place for having a global strategic maple syrup reserve.

By: double block and bleed

double block and bleed — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:35:47 -0800

Anyone want to buy a drum of maple syrup? I got a couple that, uh, fell off a truck...

By: DU

DU — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:36:50 -0800

this is a STICKY SITUATION (syrup is sticky)

By: infini

infini — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:37:16 -0800

Is this their hamhanded attempt at ensuring food security?

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:39:34 -0800

As part of the global manhunt, International House of Pancakes will be helping with the sting operation.

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:39:51 -0800

I used to do the maple. I was into it. I did Grade A or Grade B... I didn't care. But then a friend turned me on to the high fructose corn syrup and I haven't done maple since.

By: jb

jb — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:40:37 -0800

Is maple syrup a precursor to something? Yes. If you keep boiling, you get maple butter, or maple sugar. (Don't know if they are along the same road, or different processes). But this can't happen in an unheated barrel.

By: notionoriety

notionoriety — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:41:36 -0800

Also, where can I get a heated barrel?

By: notionoriety

notionoriety — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:42:34 -0800

Not that I, uh, have any maple syrup. But you never know what might treacle down.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:42:42 -0800

Is maple syrup a precursor to something? (Other than, of course, delicious Belgian waffles?) Pffft. Belgian waffles (or anything else) are just delivery vehicles for the yummy maple syrup. Maple syrup is an end unto itself.

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:43:40 -0800

You know, the Canadians have a maple leaf as their national symbol. So you know they were just asking for it.

By: Uppity Pigeon #2

Uppity Pigeon #2 — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:46:01 -0800

I'm convinced every single comment here is code for something really messed up. Perverts. Belgian delivery vehicles indeed.

By: cenoxo

cenoxo — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:47:07 -0800

Could have been worse: thank God everyone's OK.

By: deanklear

deanklear — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:47:41 -0800

Also known as "mapling", or "doing the syrup", or having a "Misses Butterworth's stick-to-your-face fun time."

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:48:33 -0800

I've just hijacked a truck full of pancakes. Can anyone tell me where I can meet up with those guys?

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:50:00 -0800

They need to be looking for a 6' middle age santa's elf with a beer gut.

By: infini

infini — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:50:14 -0800

I am now sitting here in random South East Asia craving ... do you hear me salivate...craving maple sugar candy. *weeps*

By: jeather

jeather — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:53:05 -0800

I was particularly annoyed to find that the price of maple sugar has gone up. (Hint: cinnnamon rolls with maple sugar instead of cinnamon sugar are great. See also: shortbread made with maple sugar.) Time to get baking!

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 05:56:30 -0800

Canadians began a period of massive government research and development after the Americans dropped the ball in 1919. We are now decades ahead in viscous fluid storage technology. Who are you going to turn to when we hit Peak Maple Syrup, huh? Vermont? Are you willing to bet your pancakes on it? dammit, cenoxo

By: Splunge

Splunge — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:03:21 -0800

I have eaten the maple syrup that was in the warehouse and which you were probably saving for waffles Forgive me it was delicious so sweet and so sticky

By: item

item — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:06:48 -0800

SYRUP PUN

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:06:55 -0800

You know, the Canadians have a maple leaf as their national symbol. Not many people know about the hidden clause in the Bretton Woods agreement pegging CAD notes to the Maple Standard.

By: Happy Dave

Happy Dave — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:07:15 -0800

Christ, a bottle of Canadian maple syrup is already more than a fiver in the UK. I predict sadly bereft pancakes and waffles on this side of the pond for quite a while.

By: double block and bleed

double block and bleed — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:08:23 -0800

This must have taken a long time to pull off. That's more maple syrup than will fit in an olympic swimming pool. I amazed someone had the balls to do this. Every Canadian I've ever met has been kind, unassuming and ready to cut the bacon off your back if you fuck with their syrup or their ability to watch a hockey game. Now both are happening at the same time. Things could get ugly up there.

By: Fizz

Fizz — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:09:04 -0800

Christ, a bottle of Canadian maple syrup is already more than a fiver in the UK. Maybe this is just someone preparing for the new world economy, one that is driven by bottles of sweet gooey liquid.

By: Uppity Pigeon #2

Uppity Pigeon #2 — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:09:41 -0800

See, this is another example of Metafilter flags completely failing me. There is no option for "This Comment Made me Crave Pancakes But I Don't Feel Like Going to the Supermarket Right Now." Thanks a lot PB.

By: twoleftfeet

twoleftfeet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:10:53 -0800

Dude, if you don't know where it is, just look it up on Google Maples.

By: cometwendy

cometwendy — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:14:25 -0800

Yesterday I read about eleven tons of stolen elderberries! Crazy food swindles!

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:14:52 -0800

I'm locking up my Canadian Bacon, just to be safe!

By: tommasz

tommasz — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:15:03 -0800

I guess Vermonters can breathe a sigh of relief the invaders from the North won't be coming soon.

By: urbanwhaleshark

urbanwhaleshark — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:15:18 -0800

This is the only thing I know about maple syrup.

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:16:17 -0800

Oh crap, they got the honey too!

By: butterstick

butterstick — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:17:03 -0800

Anyone figured out how to profit from this heist yet?

By: mhoye

mhoye — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:17:19 -0800

Breaking Bad: Canada. We have socialized medicine here. Breaking Bad Canada is just a bored guy in a hospital chair reading a five-month old fashion magazine while he waits for the chemo IVs to finish dripping in.

By: dobbs

dobbs — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:17:26 -0800

I'd look to the Canadian Mint. It's how they're making the 100s have a maple syrup scent!

By: Ghidorah

Ghidorah — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:31:13 -0800

Crime might not pay, but sometimes, just sometimes, crime will cover your pancakes, waffles, and of course your side dishes made from pork with sweet, sweet deliciousness not just for you, but your children, your children's children, and so on.

By: R343L

R343L — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:31:53 -0800

We need the president on this.

By: seanmpuckett

seanmpuckett — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:32:40 -0800

That's a *lot* of syrup by weight and by volume. You can't just load it on one truck and drive away. You'd need hundreds of tanker trucks, or dozens of rail cars. You don't just sneak in overnight and make off with it. Either the drums were empty to begin with, or there were many, many regular "deliveries" that were actually pick-ups. Either way, it was certainly an inside job, and I'm betting on fraud (the syrup was never there) rather than trying to actually steal millions of pounds of syrup.

By: saladin

saladin — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:36:48 -0800

So that works out to what, like $35 a gallon?

By: Mooseli

Mooseli — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:38:06 -0800

My husband thought I was being impulsive when I bought a huge $25 jug of Grade B. Let's see who's "bad with money" when the neighbors show up, pancakes in hand, and pay $5 a pop for gooey relief.

By: pashdown

pashdown — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:40:47 -0800

My kids like pancakes with their syrup.

By: symbioid

symbioid — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:42:07 -0800

Metafilter: $5 a pop for gooey relief.

By: symbioid

symbioid — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:42:19 -0800

(same as in town)

By: inthe80s

inthe80s — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:42:24 -0800

We have socialized medicine here. Breaking Bad Canada is just a bored guy in a hospital chair reading a five-month old fashion magazine while he waits for the chemo IVs to finish dripping in. Anyone who has seen the show knows (or should know) that Walter White isn't cooking meth to pay his hospital bills. He did it to provide for his family when he's gone. He even refuses treatment initially. Now he's doing it out of hubris. As for the news item, a Maple syrup theft couldn't possibly be more Canadian unless they were stealing tuques at the same time.

By: Rodrigo Lamaitre

Rodrigo Lamaitre — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:49:45 -0800

This crime is pretty simple to solve; go around the province and offer people free maple syrup. the first person to turn down this delicious, liquid gold is your thief.

By: Chef Flamboyardee

Chef Flamboyardee — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:52:04 -0800

The thief was wearing a WIDE-BRIMMED HAT. She said she was headed to the city next to THE BOSPORUS.

By: Eyebrows McGee

Eyebrows McGee — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:52:17 -0800

A semi full of bacon tipped over on the highway near my house last week. I'm not saying I stole the syrup, I'm just saying I'm two henhouses and a barge of frozen waffles away from a complete breakfast. (Pay no attention to the tanker full of orange juice in my driveway.)

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:56:04 -0800

If only there was a Canadian superhero with a well developed sense of smell.

By: panaceanot

panaceanot — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:57:17 -0800

Honey I Shrunk The Syrup Reserves.

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:59:36 -0800

Quebec Police have been granted permission to tap RCMP resources to distill usable leads from the crime scene. Tips are slowly pouring in as their investigation heats up.

By: Lentrohamsanin

Lentrohamsanin — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 06:59:42 -0800

"Misses Butterworth's stick-to-your-face fun time." The closest that glass bitch gets to maple is if her cheap paper apron happens to be made from one of the trees.

By: cjorgensen

cjorgensen — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:01:56 -0800

My girlfriend has no alibi.

By: Mr. Bad Example

Mr. Bad Example — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:20:41 -0800

Breaking Bad: Canada. CUT TO: An angry-looking Walter White standing in front of a STACK OF FIFTY-GALLON DRUMS painted with MAPLE LEAVES. JESSE YEAH! WAFFLES, BITCH!

By: infini

infini — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:29:50 -0800

Can someone explain the strategic part of this reserve to random internet furriner please?

By: hal9k

hal9k — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:32:35 -0800

What wood cause somebody to do such a thing? I feel sorry for the poor sap.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:36:52 -0800

In Canada, first you get the syrup , then you get the power, then you get the women.

By: hoyland

hoyland — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:43:57 -0800

Someone is poaching maple syrup from my mother's backyard. Maple syrup poaching is fairly highly on my list bizarre things to have discovered about Vermont. (That everyone has a falling down shed on their property is another.) Coincidentally, it's presumably not the neighbours poaching the syrup. The line seems to run into the national forest.

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:46:35 -0800

Strange Brew Pt 2 will have Bob and Doug cracking this case wide open. I expect some choice syrup wrestling.

By: chavenet

chavenet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:49:22 -0800

Last week, authorities discovered over 10 million pounds of maple syrup (1/4 of provincial reserves) missing from a Quebec warehouse. Am I the only one who read this a news the authorities had discovered the missing maple syrup?

By: beaucoupkevin

beaucoupkevin — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:49:41 -0800

"We're going to need two Denny's, a Krusteaz, an IHOP and just about the biggest Aunt Jemima anyone's ever seen."

By: freecellwizard

freecellwizard — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:50:09 -0800

Well I guess the mobsters were due on maple street.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:51:31 -0800

All I can tell you is that the suspect had mousey hair, and was headed someplace with a sword on its flag.

By: idiopath

idiopath — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:55:45 -0800

A suspect has been detained in a small Colorado town.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 07:59:42 -0800

Police in Vermont are upset over empty syrup containers

By: idiopath

idiopath — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:05:14 -0800

dobbs: "I'd look to the Canadian Mint. It's how they're making the 100s have a maple syrup scent!" Nah, the maple scent is just from Canuck high rollers using them to snort pure maple sugar.

By: idiopath

idiopath — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:14:20 -0800

infini: "Can someone explain the strategic part of this reserve to random internet furriner please?" Maple sap harvests are extremely variable, because sap flow is dependent on specific weather patterns (warm days and cold nights) that can't be reliably predicted. Rather than have extreme price volatility where the market is flooded on some years (driving prices down), and shortages on other years (driving prices up), they keep a reserve as a sort of buffer - filling the reserves in good years, selling it off on the dry years. With stable prices, you can have big companies like Quaker Oats developing maple based recipes without the fear that they won't be able to afford the ingredients next year. And you have less fear that a glut year will drive down prices and mess up the farmers' margins.

By: idiopath

idiopath — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:16:31 -0800

Oh, and the last important bit is that Maple Syrup is a significant percentage of the Canadian economy - the whole world loves it but it is only really harvestable in a mass scale in that small area around Quebec and Vermont.

By: maryr

maryr — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:16:39 -0800

(Sap, hoyland, what they're poaching from your mother's yard is, presumably, maple sap. Unless I misunderstand and just has vats of syrup sitting back there. In which case, the Quebec authorities should maybe be notified.)

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:17:14 -0800

Investigators continue to pour over clues, but the information stirred up is still too thin and has yet to solidify into a workable theory.

By: cenoxo

cenoxo — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:21:50 -0800

Dentists be damned — it's time to round up the usual suspects, including Bacon Maple Breakfast Rolls, Baked French Toast Casserole with Maple Syrup, Maple Syrup Pie, and Sour-Cream Pancakes with Sour-Cream Maple Syrup.

By: Monday, stony Monday

Monday, stony Monday — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:21:57 -0800

infini: Maple syrup production only happens in the spring. Because it depends on the weather, it's highly variable. The reserve is a form of insurance against bad harvests.

By: infini

infini — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:31:21 -0800

Hmm, who would want to undermine Canada's economy or at least shake it up a little and cause volatility? What is the impact of climate change on maple syrup production these days? What are the forecasts? *ponders sticky questions deeply*

By: triggerfinger

triggerfinger — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:40:25 -0800

I have to say, the thought of a maple syrup shortage really makes me nervous. VERY nervous.

By: asok

asok — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:43:24 -0800

A few thousand barrels of maple syrup removed. Please stop giving the night watchmen sleeping pills.

By: mulligan

mulligan — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:46:56 -0800

This is pretty important news. Is there any way we can make this post sticky?

By: TWinbrook8

TWinbrook8 — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:49:24 -0800

I am now sitting here in random South East Asia craving ... do you hear me salivate...craving maple sugar candy. Jaggery! You can buy it in the market. Tastes quite similar.

By: hoyland

hoyland — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:53:07 -0800

By: orme

orme — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 08:57:12 -0800

Dammit! Did anyone know that frozen waffles actually have an expiration date? *drinks syrup from bottle*

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:00:27 -0800

Meanwhile, Big Sugar has been suspiciously Diggin A Hole.

By: dr_dank

dr_dank — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:00:38 -0800

Faint of Butt: Fake inventory as part of an investment manipulation or insurance scam? Wouldn't be the first time. Sometimes, it's bank fraud where bogus inventory is used to collaterallize a line of credit. Two examples from uni accounting class come to mind: A petroleum distributor uses a tank of gasoline as collateral for a loan. Casual inspection of the tank shows it full as stated, but a dipstick shows that the tank is mostly full of water with a thin layer of gasoline on top. Crazy Eddie, a regional US electronics & appliance chain, sells merchandise without cartons. The empty boxes are kept in the warehouse as "inventory" to satisfy the bank, at least until an examiner finds out how light a 1980s-era big screen tv shouldn't be.

By: Cool Papa Bell

Cool Papa Bell — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:01:42 -0800

"Now reach into that bag and get my wallet." "How do I know which one is yours?" "It's the one that says Bad Maplefucker on it."

By: The otter lady

The otter lady — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:03:08 -0800

Whoever did such a thing must have been pretty.... (sunglasses) syrup-titious.

By: Cool Papa Bell

Cool Papa Bell — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:04:17 -0800

YEEEEEEEAH .... THESE PANCAKES ARE DELICIOUS

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:07:01 -0800

Possible suspects have been sighted in Norway and Australia.

By: Bwithh

Bwithh — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:08:22 -0800

MONTREAL-LAND: "Montreal's mobsters are by far the most significant gangsters in the world -- outpacing the notorious Five Families of New York that became synonymous with sophisticated crime." "The territory under its control is huge—more than a million square miles of Quebec and Ontario directly fall under the influence covered an area larger than one-quarter the size of the entire United States. It includes major cities, the busiest border crossings between the U.S. and Canada, and many mature Mafia clans that are, by and large, cooperating under the Sixth Family's banner. Where American Mafia bosses controlled criminal activity in portions of a city or a New York borough or the criminal activity in an industrial or commercial sector—such as construction or New York's garment district—the Sixth Family was an enterprise with a true global reach"

By: jaduncan

jaduncan — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:11:02 -0800

Crazy Eddie, a regional US electronics & appliance chain, sells merchandise without cartons. The empty boxes are kept in the warehouse as "inventory" to satisfy the bank, at least until an examiner finds out how light a 1980s-era big screen tv shouldn't be. Wow. That's...a short term plan.

By: jaduncan

jaduncan — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:22:53 -0800

"Montreal's mobsters are by far the most significant gangsters in the world -- outpacing the notorious Five Families of New York that became synonymous with sophisticated crime." Heh. The Mafiya says really, tovarishch? Yebat vashu mat. Wake them up when the Montreal Mob are heavily integrated with the machinery of government, have significant crossover with owners of the largest companies in their state, and have extensive allies in all of the security services. Even the Zetas probably roll their eyes.

By: RobotHero

RobotHero — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:32:21 -0800

Can someone explain the strategic part of this reserve to random internet furriner please? http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/09/why-does-canada-have-a-strategic-maple-syrup-reserve/261869/

By: infini

infini — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:33:07 -0800

Jaggery! You can buy it in the market. Tastes quite similar. Not really. I have some in the kitchen. Maple sugar candy is crumblier and has a very different melt in the mouth taste and texture. Jaggery is hard and a little more damp (look at the pic). Flavour is different as well. (It contains up to 50% sucrose, up to 20% invert sugars, moisture content of up to 20%, and the remainder made up of other insoluble matter such as wood ash, proteins and bagasse fibers.[1] Otoh gula melaka might work to satisfice the craving

By: birdherder

birdherder — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:36:26 -0800

Lydia could get 10 million pounds of syrup out out of a warehouse. That's what she does.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:37:55 -0800

The territory under its control is huge—more than a million square miles of Quebec and Ontario directly fall under the influence covered an area larger than one-quarter the size of the entire United States. For this to be possible, they'd have to control all of Ontario and Quebec, including all the bodies of water and the vast, empty wastelands. And that's patently ridiculous. I mean, for one thing, the biker gangs have a pretty tight grip on most of the beaver ponds.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:42:55 -0800

Invert Sugar is my new drag name.

By: dywypi

dywypi — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:44:21 -0800

The thief was wearing a WIDE-BRIMMED HAT. She said she was headed to the city next to THE BOSPORUS. posted by Chef Flamboyardee at 9:52 AM on September 3 [17 favorites +] [!] Are you saying it was... Carmen SandiEggo?

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:51:44 -0800

In Canada, first you get the syrup , then you get the power, then you get the women. Oh Jesus I laughed so hard that cheese curds came flying out both my nostrils. Oh it couldn't be fraud...fraud has never been committed in Quebec. *looks sideways in sarcastic manner*

By: compartment

compartment — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 09:55:44 -0800

The maple syrup strategic reserves seem to be an implementation of the "ever-normal granary" that Michael Pollan describes in Omnivore's Dilemma, and that Nixon did away with in favor of programs that encouraged as much production as possible. If some knowledgable soul could compare and contrast the implementation and effectiveness of Canadian price controls on maple syrup versus American controls on corn syrup, I would be a very happy breakfaster. (Metafilter is the only place where I feel comfortable making these outlandish special requests. My expectations here have been permanently heightened ever since I received an instant answer to my question about the composition of the paint used to write vessel names on the sides of the space shuttles.)

By: anothermug

anothermug — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:00:44 -0800

Last week, authorities discovered over 10 million pounds of maple syrup (1/4 of provincial reserves) I love the fact that we have reserves of maple syrup. Other coutries make sure they won't run out of oil or natural gas, but in Canada the feared tragedy, the thing that might bring the country to its knees, is not having anything to put on our pancakes. Oh, the humanity!!

By: benito.strauss

benito.strauss — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:03:01 -0800

Wow. That's...a short term plan. posted by jaduncan But it looks like it got him a long term ........ in jail. <sunglasses off> YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:05:51 -0800

Other coutries make sure they won't run out of oil or natural gas, but in Canada the feared tragedy, the thing that might bring the country to its knees, is not having anything to put on our pancakes. Well, have you tried putting oil or natural gas on pancakes? It's horrible!

By: Secret Life of Gravy

Secret Life of Gravy — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:19:12 -0800

For all the joking around I still find this an astonishing crime. How big is 10 million pounds of syrup? Is it possible that the theft took place over years? Yeah, I'm going with either the fraud angle (it was never there in the first place) or an inside job that just continued on for months, if not years. And if it isn't fraud, how on earth are the thieves going to profitably dispose of 10 million pounds of maple syrup? How much maple syrup is sold in a year? How long is the shelf life? It seems like a lot of work for something that isn't gold or banknotes.

By: ceribus peribus

ceribus peribus — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:27:46 -0800

Mexico is facing an egg shortage, China discovered tainted antibiotics in it's pharmacies, the Canadian maple syrup reserve was looted, and Australia is running low on anti-venom for the deadly funnel-web spider. We should be wary of taking these shortages lightly.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:28:03 -0800

Well, it's a little gold.

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:40:28 -0800

Is nothing safe anymore? Excuse me while I go and get a padlock for the pantry. *Looks suspiciously at Mrs A and the cat*

By: infini

infini — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:47:59 -0800

And if it isn't fraud, how on earth are the thieves going to profitably dispose of 10 million pounds of maple syrup? How much maple syrup is sold in a year? How long is the shelf life? It seems like a lot of work for something that isn't gold or banknotes. Check the big oil ships on their way back.

By: jocelmeow

jocelmeow — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:51:24 -0800

Who here likes pancakes? Because I might have 10 million pounds of something to put on pancakes. Seriously, how did we get 100+ comments in without somebody saying that?

By: Bwithh

Bwithh — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 10:59:39 -0800

eh, it's not just for lots of pancakes, eh, it also makes for lots of souvenirs (mildly NSFW), eh? am I doing the 'eh' thing right?"

By: windykites

windykites — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:00:24 -0800

Secret Life, maple syrup lasts pretty much forever. I mean, it would if the whole bottle didn't get used within a few delicious hours. I think it would be easy to sell in large quantities to various food companies that use or distribute syrup. On the other hand, anyone with the resources to commit a crime like this can probably afford a horse, buggy, some glass bottles, and travel around pretending to be Mennonnites.

By: KathrynT

KathrynT — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:01:56 -0800

I had been dating my husband for about four or five years when he learned that I didn't like maple syrup. The look of confusion and hurt on his face has never left my mind's eye.

By: Bruce H.

Bruce H. — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:23:07 -0800

The Glatun are here.

By: BlueHorse

BlueHorse — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:25:43 -0800

This is an absolutely viscous crime, and tacky in its execution, but even if they track down the thieves, I'm sure they'll adhere to their statement of innocence. What a bunch of crepes! Is it warm in here, or is it just me? I'm bacon.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:39:17 -0800

What we had has come and gone

By: zippy

zippy — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:39:57 -0800

Wow. That's...a short term plan. There's a reason he's not called Rational and Contemplative Eddie.

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 11:44:13 -0800

I guess someone must've figured out that, as long as there's an illusion of a reserve, that's all that's needed to keep the price of the stuff stable, so if the price is high and you can suddenly find yourself with more inventory (because the reserve barrels were never filled), I'd say someone cleaned up nicely. So definitely an inside job, and definitely multiple actors, making this a conspiracy. That's right, this a maple syrup conspiracy that might lead all the way up to the very highest corridors of power in ole Canada. Also this reminds me of the Wall Street crisis of 2008...In the way that all these barrels were empty, but gave the appearance of value, this reminds me a lot of the investment banks that were bundling derivatives with toxic assets (in the form of bad mortgages) and selling them. I mean that was about how creating the illusion of value, out of nothing as well. Maple Syrup tip: Use a small dallop of it in coffee instead of sugar. It's quite delicious. And very addicting...

By: Bwithh

Bwithh — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 12:18:44 -0800

The US Maple Syrup Crisis of 2012 Quebec strategic reserve also vital to US interests!

By: sfts2

sfts2 — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 12:55:05 -0800

Someones slingin' mad volume and fat stackin' benjis.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 13:05:30 -0800

Someones slingin' mad volume and fat stackin' ~~benjis~~ bobbies.

By: Splunge

Splunge — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 14:03:29 -0800

I often use maple syrup when making teriyaki sauce. It replaces the sugar and adds a subtle flavor component that people notice but can't figure out. Like adding cinnamon to chili.

By: double block and bleed

double block and bleed — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 14:24:11 -0800

KathrynT: "I had been dating my husband for about four or five years when he learned that I didn't like maple syrup. The look of confusion and hurt on his face has never left my mind's eye." I don't really like maple syrup either. I grew up and still live in the Midwest. I've always preferred Log Cabin or, even better, my mother's homemade syrup made from molasses, brown sugar, corn syrup, vanilla and other secret ingredients. If I ever come to New England, I want to try the grade B maple syrup. Maybe that will change my mind. My decision to make waffles for lunch was greatly impacted by this post.

By: 5_13_23_42_69_666

5_13_23_42_69_666 — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 14:36:33 -0800

this weekend I made fruit salad and topped it with a mixture of maple syrup and sour cream.. highly recommended. also good is maple syrup and soy sauce on steamed broccoli

By: mek

mek — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 14:54:22 -0800

By: Confess, Fletch

Confess, Fletch — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 15:53:29 -0800

Is John Ringo involved?

By: mek

mek — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 16:36:11 -0800

I want to try the grade B maple syrup. I love this stuff, it's just so much better. Really potent maple flavour, but it's still pretty sweet. But much, much better for any cooking or baking use.

By: maryr

maryr — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 17:33:51 -0800

Ugh, you flatlanders can have the grade B.

By: Go Banana

Go Banana — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 17:49:18 -0800

Maple syrup on cottage cheese. Yummmmmmmm.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 19:07:27 -0800

I smell a Super Troopers sequel.

By: chapps

chapps — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 20:11:58 -0800

If only there was a Canadian superhero with a well developed sense of smell. We need Mr Canoehead. Clearly the maple syrup hiest is the work of the Ultramind.... or a rogue nun(sorry terrible video quality)

By: arcticseal

arcticseal — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 20:15:58 -0800

I was more thinking this chap.

By: gjc

gjc — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 20:24:55 -0800

My back-of-the-envelope math puts this at 40 train tanker cars full of syrup. But then I realized that the extent of the theft is not actually known yet, and the figure being given in the media is the total expected amount in the warehouse which has been robbed (some significant percentage of total). Less ridiculous, but still ridiculous. My guess is that it was never there to begin with. Someone double sold the product, once to the cartel and once to the market. The stuff destined for the cartel's warehouses never got delivered.

By: hattifattener

hattifattener — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 23:47:39 -0800

as long as there's an illusion of a reserve, that's all that's needed to keep the price of the stuff stable I don't see how that works. As soon as there's a lean harvest year and customers keep buying at the stabilized price... pretty soon you need to sell them syrup from your reserve.

By: Francis

Francis — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 04:59:15 -0800

My bet's on an accouting fraud - the maple syrup never existed and they either didn't fill up the tanks when they said they did or filled one tank from another.

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 09:08:39 -0800

Maple sap harvests are extremely variable, because sap flow is dependent on specific weather patterns (warm days and cold nights) that can't be reliably predicted. Rather than have extreme price volatility where the market is flooded on some years (driving prices down), and shortages on other years (driving prices up), they keep a reserve as a sort of buffer - filling the reserves in good years, selling it off on the dry years. Or more likely - you can induce artificial scarcity making maple syrup ridiculously expensive. Maple syrups is the Canadian version of the diamond cartel. My husband thought I was being impulsive when I bought a huge $25 jug of Grade B. Let's see who's "bad with money" when the neighbors show up, pancakes in hand, and pay $5 a pop for gooey relief. Your husband is correct. You are bad with money. This chunk of syrup coming onto the market will lower maple syrup prices. It's not a syrup drought. It's a glut from the perspective of the big Syrup.

By: dreamling

dreamling — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 11:22:44 -0800

In this time, the most precious substance in the universe is the syrup Maple. The syrup extends life. The syrup expands consciousness. The syrup is vital to space travel.

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 13:18:20 -0800

Hattifattener: ... pretty soon you need to sell them syrup from your reserve. I am but a perplexed neophyte observing these activities in the netherworld of Canadian Maple Syrup hijinks, observing from afar, and wondering if there's a parallel with what took place on Wall Street (wondering if perhaps that corruption was the inspiration). I couldn't even tell you the difference between Grade A or B or whatsiit, but even in a lean year, I doubt that more than a certain very controlled percentage of the reserves would be released to the market based on some set formula, so the fact that 1/4 of the Quebec strategic reserves were missing probably wouldn't even be noticed if they're not up front....or even there to begin with, but there's been no accurate third person audit. I'd say the last really REALLy lean year the missing 10 million (possibly much more than that) pounds of maple syrup were released before the reserves were kicked in to stabilize the market and someone made a a serious mint. With that someone probably thinking there's be enough time to slowly replace the missing barrels next bumper crop with cheaper priced syrup. That's how'd I'd do it, and if I was in the Canadian FBI, I'd be issuing subpoena's for bank records all over the place...and as someone already said, there needed to be an inside person (s) in on this. Sort of the perfect caper, it sounds like someone became either sloppy or too greedy and it blew up in their face. There's so many scheme like this though I imagine in every industry with people with the right connections, and industry knowledge or expertise and with, usually, some sort of government contract. All over the world, too. But Canada?? And Maple Syrup??? *SMH* Is nothing sacred to you canucks, besides hockey? Shame on you Canada. I used to admire you so very much.... Crazy Maple Syrup Mafia be crazy, yo....

By: From Bklyn

From Bklyn — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 13:36:26 -0800

Yes the sticky sweet underbelly of the Canadian soul...

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 15:33:11 -0800

If there's ever another season of The Wire I hope they find a way to work in the Canadian Maple Syrup Mafia Conspiracy. Here's an excerpt: Bunk: Fuck... McNulty: FUCK! Bunk: The Fuck?? McNulty: Pass the pancakes... Bunk: Pass yo asscakes...

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 14:12:23 -0800

I couldn't even tell you the difference between Grade A or B or whatsiit Grade A is preferred by retail and is more expensive. Grade B is deeply and darkly delicious but much more variable in taste.

By: Mitheral

Mitheral — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 17:47:59 -0800

Oh, and the last important bit is that Maple Syrup is a significant percentage of the Canadian economy This link says 600 million for Maple Syrup economic activity. Noticeable in a GDP of ~1.6 Trillion but it's not even a 1/10 of 1 percent of the Canadian economy.