Comments on: Here is a picture of sexy ham!

Here is a picture of sexy ham!

Joe in Australia — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:26:39 -0800

By: zachlipton

zachlipton — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:33:22 -0800

I bet he's an Herbalife scammer (the "I represent a Fortune 500 company" and "I've got a business to run"). That's a great reply.

By: dirigibleman

dirigibleman — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:35:02 -0800

Funny, but almost certainly fake.

By: zachlipton

zachlipton — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:35:32 -0800

Er, Herbalife isn't actually a Fortune 500 company (not that such people are honest). A scammer of unknown variety. Carry on.

By: naju

naju — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:35:42 -0800

epic flail

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:46:04 -0800

I would like to subscribe to naughty otters.

By: Kevin Street

Kevin Street — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:48:13 -0800

I put on my robe and wizard hat... Do you think that guy actually had 80 pictures of naughty dogs ready to use?

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:55:22 -0800

The idea that these jerks are actually entering these texts by hand on a phone would never even occur to me. I would assume they've got a PC running a spammy front end to an SMS API. And in fact I still think so, so what is this again?

By: Soulfather

Soulfather — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:57:18 -0800

This guy received a spam text from a scammer. What he did next will blow your mind!

By: sweetkid

sweetkid — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 21:57:59 -0800

all the text/Autocorrect funnies are so fake I don't know how anyone falls for them

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:05:25 -0800

How can you tell they're fake? I see real ones that are nearly as funny pretty regularly. I don't know why people would need to make them up.

By: item

item — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:26:46 -0800

Because almost nothing on the internet is real. You are not real. I am not real. Only naughty otters are real.

By: ricochet biscuit

ricochet biscuit — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:27:35 -0800

Today's spam highlight in my inbox: "I have a business deal which I think might be of interest to you. If you have not been convicted of fraud in the past and if you can handle financial transactions in excess of US$22Million, get back to me so I can give you further details." Strong is the temptation to reply: "Never convicted -- the charges were dismissed. What do I have to do?"

By: Hairy Lobster

Hairy Lobster — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:39:21 -0800

Sounds like an album in need of recording: Sexy Ham by The Naughty Otters.

By: Greg_Ace

Greg_Ace — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:40:56 -0800

Never convicted -- the charges were dismissed. Acquitted.

By: sbutler

sbutler — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:44:48 -0800

I add all my spammers to my contact list as "Harris".

By: webmutant

webmutant — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 22:52:07 -0800

Seems like a pale imitation of the Cat Facts prank.

By: isopraxis

isopraxis — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 23:11:29 -0800

I would like to subscribe to naughty otters. Your wish is granted *ding*

By: persona au gratin

persona au gratin — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 23:32:44 -0800

I laughed so hard my asthma kicked in. Funny stuff (otters, not asthma).

By: Decani

Decani — Thu, 02 Oct 2014 23:45:22 -0800

isopraxis owes me a coffee.

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 00:11:20 -0800

Are there any un-sexy otters?

By: mannequito

mannequito — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 00:14:59 -0800

There's some un-un-un-sexy otters but they are actually sexy while they dance to the technos

By: salishsea

salishsea — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 00:21:46 -0800

There was in fact an Ugly Otter...a knotty problem that oughta shame naughty otters into accepting another's honour.

By: Omnomnom

Omnomnom — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 00:39:16 -0800

I love the NO = NO PROBLEM "glitch". It's realistic in its stupid annoyingnesss!

By: JHarris

JHarris — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 01:03:36 -0800

I add all my spammers to my contact list as "Harris". posted by sbutler at 1:44 AM on October 3 [1 favorite +] [!] B-b-but....

By: chavenet

chavenet — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 01:18:08 -0800

I ham interested in your product and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

By: leotrotsky

leotrotsky — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 02:00:51 -0800

You are not real. I am not real. "It's Spwinkwing!"

By: sobarel

sobarel — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 02:05:16 -0800

Ah, we are bequeathed the language of Chaucer and Milton and Shakespeare and end up with "go ham on your ass". Also this is so fakey fake.

By: DoctorFedora

DoctorFedora — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 02:19:08 -0800

Have you READ the Canterbury Tales?

By: iotic

iotic — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 02:27:38 -0800

But with his mouth he went ham on hir ers Ful savorly, er he were war of this.

By: sobarel

sobarel — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 02:28:46 -0800

Go, Ham on your Ass, on pilgrimages.

By: ninazer0

ninazer0 — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 03:27:33 -0800

Came for the snark, stayed for the Chaucer jokes.

By: pxe2000

pxe2000 — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 03:31:05 -0800

Chaucer is Adam Sandler in the Renaissance. Look at all the merkins and farting!

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:07:53 -0800

'Thou standest yet,' quod she, 'in swich array, That of thy lyf yet hastow no suretee. I grante thee lyf, if thou canst tellen me What ham is it that wommen most desyren?

By: Lipstick Thespian

Lipstick Thespian — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:15:49 -0800

ZALGO

By: urbanwhaleshark

urbanwhaleshark — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:21:59 -0800

Cat facts for those in the dark.

By: bystander

bystander — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:34:00 -0800

I read too much Metafilter, because I also felt for JHarris with the Harris spam call.

By: Segundus

Segundus — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:51:32 -0800

This is like some guy telling you how he won an argument with the television one time.

By: clvrmnky

clvrmnky — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 05:01:52 -0800

Well, I have a series of wrong number texts sent to me a few months back that started with a long descriptive sext. Followed by a hilarious number of follow on texts of "oh shit, plus delete lol" and "STOP TXTING ME!". My single line reply, every time: "Wrong number" I never posted that to one of those wrong text sites.

By: yerfatma

yerfatma — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 05:36:04 -0800

This is like some guy telling you how he won an argument with the television one time. /adds space on ammo belt, inserts

By: echocollate

echocollate — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 05:42:34 -0800

Also this is so fakey fake. After years of trying to sort out the FACT/FICTION of things I find on the Internet, my new philosophy is to be deeply skeptical of anything that isn't totally inconsequential and/or amusing and to categorically believe everything that is. So far so good.

By: Chrysostom

Chrysostom — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:09:36 -0800

On the Internet, nobody knows you're a naughty otter.

By: Kabanos

Kabanos — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:12:35 -0800

I would like to key in haughty knotters please.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:23:34 -0800

I would like to key in ~~haughty~~ haughey knotters please. FTFY

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:36:36 -0800

Well, I have a series of wrong number texts sent to me a few months back that started with a long descriptive sext. I received a few wrong-texts from someone who seemed to be involved in the recreational pharmaceutical trade. One about how he needed some somethingorothers and then another about how he got pulled over and had to eat the something. I occasionally worry that this dude got beat up or worse when someone higher up the food chain didn't get the message.

By: plinth

plinth — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:37:38 -0800

Metafilter: Look at all the merkins and farting!

By: dismas

dismas — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:39:37 -0800

ah, the greatest Flynt Flossy lyric: She's got a sexy ham/go touch her sexy ham

By: wenestvedt

wenestvedt — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 06:55:59 -0800

If MetaFilter allowed avatars on comments, I would totally be using that "sexy otter" picture. Maybe I will go put it on my Profile page for a while: I think using it on Facebook would confuse a lot of my relatives.

By: griphus

griphus — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:04:53 -0800

A sexy little otter.

By: mean square error

mean square error — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:33:35 -0800

persona au gratin: I laughed so hard my asthma kicked in. Funny stuff (otters, not asthma). IANAD, but I don't think it's asthma... I think the term is "naughty-otter-ic asphyxiation" (???). Not my cup of tea, but whatevs floats your boats.

By: dr_dank

dr_dank — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 07:54:56 -0800

A dog that can cook is most certainly not naughty.

By: dios

dios — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 08:47:25 -0800

Holy shit isopraxis: please tell me you had that bookmarked before you ever saw this thread as opposed to searching for it after. That is gold.

By: sobarel

sobarel — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 08:51:28 -0800

A dog that can cook is most certainly not naughty. It is if it keeps burning the sausages.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Fri, 03 Oct 2014 08:56:39 -0800

Anyway, I believe the scammers machine-spam initial contact, and may handle the 1% or less that comes back personally. Makes sense if you think about it, the machine would just send a designated reply#2 which may or may not suit the response sent by the rube, so you just have to handle replies personally.

By: Splunge

Splunge — Sat, 04 Oct 2014 11:18:22 -0800

Charge. Your. Phone!