Comments on: Express yourself sexually in an ill-fitting wig.

Express yourself sexually in an ill-fitting wig.

The Whelk — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 08:52:41 -0800

The Cut presents 14 Halloween costume hookup stories. Something Awful's FASHION SWAT on costumes for cats.

By: divined by radio

divined by radio — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 09:12:39 -0800

Five Tips for a Safe and Sexy Halloween for Your Cat or Dog (SLToast)

By: Kitteh

Kitteh — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 09:16:13 -0800

I live with one of the most adorable cats in the world and wish to God I could put her in a costume. The one year we tried to put her in a clown costume and all I have to show for it is a magnificent photo that clearly says THIS IS COMING OFF NOW.

By: Uncle

Uncle — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 09:26:35 -0800

My wife and I first hooked up 9 years ago today. I was dressed as Carl. She was dressed as a groupie, which meant a big fir coat and sunglasses with blown out hair and cleavage. We were both avoiding previous hookups. I think I got the better end of the deal.

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 09:32:35 -0800

I am very upset and disappointed by all my friends who have thoughtlessly and cruelly neglected to dress up their pets and send me photos. I have had to make do with far less adorable and entertaining photos of the slobbery infants of various relatives. never before have i been the victim of such a gruesome injustice

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 09:36:12 -0800

Santa Claus is the best hookup costume.

By: penduluum

penduluum — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 09:49:58 -0800

I always forget how hard SWAT makes me laugh. Love those features so much.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:04:34 -0800

Uncle: " a big fir coat " ???? ??????? ?? ???

By: 724A

724A — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:11:11 -0800

The only time I wish I had declawed my cat was the Halloween I tried to put antlers horns on her head. Deep gashes across my forearm and bite marks on my hand. I learned a lesson. Halloween is not her favorite holiday. It is Christmas/Hanukkah. Loves to play with the bows and wrapping paper. She is too proper to dress up.

By: Uncle

Uncle — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:23:02 -0800

Uncle: " a big fir coat " ???? ??????? ?? ??? ug fine I can't spell for crap. Fur. A big coat made out of fir trees would probably be less comfortable.

By: en forme de poire

en forme de poire — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:26:38 -0800

I am going as sexy Aphex Twin; will report back if I hook up with anyone dressed as drag Taylor Swift.

By: showbiz_liz

showbiz_liz — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:29:04 -0800

In 2008 I dressed as the Democratic Party, then got very drunk and totally ruined my costume (mostly just a recycled ass's head from Midsummer Night's Dream, plus a cheap suit). Perhaps a dreadful premonition of liberal disappointment with Obama??

By: kyrademon

kyrademon — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:30:09 -0800

At a Neil-Gaiman-character-themed party celebrating the publication of American Gods, I came as the Wyvern that the guards the gate to the Dreaming. She came as Death (already alabaster pale and dark-haired, she needed no make-up other than eyeliner to be a dead ringer.) Yes, it was both as gothy and nerdy as it sounds. I later learned that a group of friends of mine were also there that night, and had seen me, but I was "having a conversation with some girl that looked so intense they decided not to interrupt". Thirteen years later, we are still together.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:33:33 -0800

Uncle: "A big coat made out of fir trees would probably be less comfortable." SEXY CHRISTMAS TREE SEXY YULE LOG showbiz_liz: "In 2008 I dressed as the Democratic Party" a doormat with Droopy dog on it?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:48:11 -0800

SEXY FRUITCAKE

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:49:14 -0800

SEXY WICKER MAN SEXY BEAN PIE

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:50:31 -0800

SEXY SEX PERSON

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:54:05 -0800

Sexy abstinence in school education requirement.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 10:54:17 -0800

How is there not a metafilter variety show?

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:02:18 -0800

When I get my time machine online, my fifth trip to the past will be to visit my 19 year old self and tell him, "Dude - you are in the prime of your life and as skinny as you will ever be. You will be dressed as Jesus for the costume party this weekend and there will be two cute girls dressed as an angel and a devil who will be totally into hanging out on your arms and DONT FUCK IT UP BY GETTING SO DRUNK AS TO THINK SINGING SHOW TUNES FROM LES MIZ ON THE ROOF IS A GOOD USE OF THE PRIME OF YOUR LIFE."

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:05:05 -0800

(also, I'd tell Past Me to bet the farm on the Sox winning the World Series in 2004 after Game 3 of the AL Championship.)

By: Lesser Shrew

Lesser Shrew — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:14:06 -0800

For future reference, please do not post Fashion Swat links when I'm having a busy day. Thank you.

By: threeants

threeants — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:49:58 -0800

I am going as sexy Aphex Twin; will report back if I hook up with anyone dressed as drag Taylor Swift. I'm going as shoegaze Rihanna

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 12:04:57 -0800

threeants: "I'm going as shoegaze Rihanna" Normcore GWAR

By: Harvey Jerkwater

Harvey Jerkwater — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 12:23:38 -0800

I met my wife at a Halloween party. I wore a suit, a giant gift bow, and a tag that read "FROM: GOD, TO: WOMEN." I won the prize for "scariest costume" by a landslide. We didn't get together that night. It would have made a better story if we had, but that costume was just too much to overcome.

By: RedOrGreen

RedOrGreen — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 12:25:46 -0800

"The lobster left with the dog." Ok, that was totally worth it.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 12:32:28 -0800

I loved The Cut's stories, but started pretending to read the phrase "reader, i married him" at the end of each story and found myself giggling helplessly.

By: misskaz

misskaz — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 13:32:53 -0800

I met my boyfriend dressed as Katy Perry a couple days before Halloween (California Gurls video-style, with blue wig; and cupcake bra over a long sleeved shirt because Chicago=cold). Thought it would be just a single fun night; saw him again two nights later at a different bar with the same crowd, using the same blue wig for an anime girl costume. I have short and not-at-all-blue hair in real life. I was worried he wouldn't like me once all the false eyelashes and wig came off. But here we are, 2 years later, living together and still going to those same two bars where we met.

By: the jam

the jam — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 13:41:59 -0800

I've really been doing Halloween wrong, it seems.

By: willF

willF — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 15:19:46 -0800

It turns out that if you dress your dog up in your vest, he will pee in your vest.

By: Corduroy

Corduroy — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 17:56:09 -0800

These would be PERFECT if they were illustrated by the Pathetic Geek Stories cartoonist!

By: Dip Flash

Dip Flash — Fri, 31 Oct 2014 20:32:20 -0800

Then I gave a studious blow job to a guy who turned out to be gay. Hey, it happens. You think?

By: shelleycat

shelleycat — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 00:50:23 -0800

I am very upset and disappointed by all my friends who have thoughtlessly and cruelly neglected to dress up their pets and send me photos. Buzzfeed wants to help you out. My favourite is number 45, and 31 is also excellent.

By: Spatch

Spatch — Sat, 01 Nov 2014 02:49:57 -0800

I didn't wear a costume on Halloween. I did not go out or attend any parties though if I had, my civilian-clothed self was going to go as Not All Men.