Comments on: "In short, goats are pretty much everywhere."

"In short, goats are pretty much everywhere."

OverlappingElvis — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:32:37 -0800

Literally every goat in the United States on a map.

By: So You're Saying These Are Pants?

So You're Saying These Are Pants? — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:42:41 -0800

The headline is 3 orders of magnitude off.

By: angerbot

angerbot — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:44:54 -0800

Well, some goats, certainly.

By: mullacc

mullacc — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:45:24 -0800

this gets my goat

By: graymouser

graymouser — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:47:20 -0800

What is Texas doing with all those goats? They are up to something.

By: GenjiandProust

GenjiandProust — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:47:30 -0800

But how many of these goats are wearing coats? How many are in towers? How many are actually pigs in sweaters? Get with the GIS layers, folks!

By: BinaryApe

BinaryApe — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:48:43 -0800

"One dot = 500 goats" I feel cheated.

By: Windopaene

Windopaene — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:50:07 -0800

Yes, this could have been so much cooler. Of course, live-tracking literally every goat, with realtime updates overlaid on Google maps would be so much cooler as well.

By: ChuraChura

ChuraChura — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:52:59 -0800

It seems appropriate to mention here that my parents got me a Goats in Trees calendar for my birthday. It is highly satisfactory.

By: East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94

East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:53:25 -0800

Title is inaccurate, I've got a goat right here and I'll be damned if Obama is going to register and steal it from me with his so-called goat control

By: Nerd of the North

Nerd of the North — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:54:38 -0800

#notAllGoats

By: zachlipton

zachlipton — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:57:29 -0800

hmm, the county-by-county map says 0 goats for San Francisco (if you position your mouse very well to hit it), but we have City Grazing. Perhaps they keep their goats elsewhere? Or missed the census.

By: The 10th Regiment of Foot

The 10th Regiment of Foot — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:00:23 -0800

What is Texas doing with all those goats? They are up to something. Chupacabra?

By: traveler_

traveler_ — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:03:36 -0800

I too would also like to complain about the title. But seriously, I looked at my home state of Montana and the dots are so sparse as to be meaningless: is there really one giant goat ranch up in our northeast corner? The shaded county-by-county map lower down is easier to read. That's one heck of a goat-desert in Inyo county, California! But it also shows why the dots are bad: the shaded map says Phillips county, Montana, has 58 goats. The dot map just shows it as a big blank area of no goats. (Also, anyone know why the Mississippi Delta would be a goatless zone in the middle of so many goats?) The word 'goat' is starting to lose meaning for me. goat goat goat goat

By: mandolin conspiracy

mandolin conspiracy — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:05:13 -0800

... is there really one giant goat ranch up in our northeast corner? And, if so, have they all been issued coats?

By: annsunny

annsunny — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:05:30 -0800

This map makes me squee!

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:05:31 -0800

zachlipton: yeah, I noticed that too. The data is from the agricultural census, so maybe they didn't include goats in other lines of work. Grazing goats, service goats for the blind, racing goats, etc. For Contra Costa County it interestingly says "A small number of goats but numbers were withheld to avoid disclosing data for individual farms". Are there really that few farms with goats in Contra Costa?

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:07:50 -0800

(Also, anyone know why the Mississippi Delta would be a goatless zone in the middle of so many goats?) Gator got your goat?

By: mandolin conspiracy

mandolin conspiracy — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:08:52 -0800

The dot map just shows it as a big blank area of no goats. This will be the only safe zone left when those assholes run amok. Don't say you weren't warned.

By: MtDewd

MtDewd — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:09:09 -0800

City Grazing probably uses undocumented migrant workers.

By: graymouser

graymouser — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:09:11 -0800

Are there really that few farms with goats in Contra Costa? More importantly, why are the number of goats per farm a closely guarded secret?

By: AlonzoMosleyFBI

AlonzoMosleyFBI — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:10:23 -0800

Also, anyone know why the Mississippi Delta would be a goatless zone in the middle of so many goats? Because even goats have a boredom threshold. But seriously, all this made me think of this discussion concerning "Cattle Identification Documents".

By: photoslob

photoslob — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:12:07 -0800

I, for one, welcome our new goat overlords.

By: Area Man

Area Man — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:12:14 -0800

racing goats That's a thing? Is there a goat track?

By: Naberius

Naberius — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:13:04 -0800

What the hell good is a military drone armada and a horribly intrusive corporate databank of everybody and everything they've ever done and a berserk national intelligence apparatus recording everything if we still have to aggregate the fucking goats into groups of 500? Why isn't this down to the individual goat with positions updated in real time? 500 goats per dot! It's like we're trapped in the 70s or something! it must be some kind of... goat map time machine...

By: Snarl Furillo

Snarl Furillo — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:15:32 -0800

I immediately checked to see if they had counted the one goat of my acquaintance (okay I drive by him sometimes) and am pleased to report that I have AT LEAST 500 neighbor goats. Delightful.

By: freakazoid

freakazoid — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:15:50 -0800

That's a lot of goats.

By: Mrs. Pterodactyl

Mrs. Pterodactyl — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:19:08 -0800

Also, anyone know why the Mississippi Delta would be a goatless zone in the middle of so many goats? Perhaps this answers another question: what were Bobbie Gentry and Billie Joe McAllister throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge?

By: Snarl Furillo

Snarl Furillo — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:20:02 -0800

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:22:02 -0800

The best goat is not in the United States. It's in Gandhi's roti's on Queen St West in Toronto. OMG so good. I'm hungry now.

By: mhum

mhum — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:22:22 -0800

I like that the hovertip on the county map includes an exclamation point no matter how many goats in the county (as long as there's enough to report). "Coconino County 12,264 goats!" "Sheridan County 22 goats!" Equally exciting! And when there are no goats, it's frowny face. "Jackson County No goats here :("

By: benzenedream

benzenedream — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:26:25 -0800

Needs a goatsucker layer.

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:27:05 -0800

YES their correct and accurate reaction to the presence or absence of goats was also my favourite.

By: Ratio

Ratio — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:27:05 -0800

I would not, could not.

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:29:19 -0800

Also sometimes the hover gets overexcited and starts flashing between two counties and it's a goatastic party.

By: TheLittlePrince

TheLittlePrince — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:38:06 -0800

How many goats in Manhattan?

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:43:41 -0800

Also, anyone know why the Mississippi Delta would be a goatless zone in the middle of so many goats? I'm guessing it's because no one has said, "hey goats, don't go over there, that's a goat-free zone" because as soon as that happens BAM the whole place will be covered in goats. Fuckin' goats, man.

By: Nanukthedog

Nanukthedog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:45:19 -0800

This is literally every letter in the English language. Rounded up to 26.

By: jim in austin

jim in austin — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:54:21 -0800

What is Texas doing with all those goats? They are up to something. Cabrito...

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:54:52 -0800

How do you even write an article like this without the phrase "goat check" appearing in it? Disappoint.

By: bondcliff

bondcliff — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:56:04 -0800

See, and they were told there was nothing to worry about when they found out their iPhone locator data was uploaded to Apple. "Nothing to worry about", they said.

By: ennui.bz

ennui.bz — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:56:04 -0800

... is there really one giant goat ranch up in our northeast corner? no, but there is one giant gant roach

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:57:11 -0800

giant goat ranch This is going to be the trendy dip at superbowl parties this year. My words. Mark them.

By: byanyothername

byanyothername — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:58:36 -0800

Texas is well known across the world as the Goat Belt of the United States. Or as the natives know it, La Correa del Chivos.

By: workerant

workerant — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 11:59:19 -0800

I seem to live in a goat-rich area: East Tennessee. These are my neighborgoats; I pass them every morning while walking my dogs. For some reason, a lot of people around here keep myotonic (fainting) goats. A customer told me a hilarious story about when he first moved here. He got a job for a building supply company driving a big delivery truck. One morning he drove to a work site to make a delivery and the field was full of goats. He hit the truck's horn and watched in horror as the entire herd of goats keeled over. Then they all got up and ran off as if nothing had happened.

By: briank

briank — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:02:26 -0800

Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

By: BlueHorse

BlueHorse — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:02:36 -0800

First they map all the goats. Then they come to get your goat!

By: bukvich

bukvich — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:06:34 -0800

What is Texas doing with all those goats? I am not a tax lawyer but what I heard is that a couple of goats is the cheapest and easiest way to convert your property from residential to agricultural and getting a whopping tax break.

By: mrgoat

mrgoat — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:09:01 -0800

I'm a little uncomfortable with this.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:09:46 -0800

It's all part of the Game of Goats.

By: Navelgazer

Navelgazer — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:12:11 -0800

Is it me or could this use more goats?

By: schmod

schmod — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:13:01 -0800

You keep on using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means...

By: wintermind

wintermind — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:21:44 -0800

graymouser, I believe that the agricultural census has to take reasonable steps to protect the identity of the respondents. In a county with very few goats it could be easy to identify individuals based on the data reported for that area. The dairy survey conducted by the National Animal Health Monitoring System takes anonymity VERY seriously. Statutory-exception-from-FOIA, non-networked-computers-in-a-highly-secure-facility-level seriously. (Disclaimer: I don't work for that part of USDA, but I have a colleague who does.) traveler_, that part of the Delta is infested with kudzu, which even goats won't eat, and I have a dim memory (possibly incorrect, I'm getting old...) that there are some issues with endemic parasites. I know that most sheep can't live there because of that.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:24:23 -0800

Meanwhile, the main bureau is trying to understand why all there's been this sudden spike in forms with "Nubian" written in under "race".

By: Area Man

Area Man — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:27:37 -0800

Statutory-exception-from-FOIA, non-networked-computers-in-a-highly-secure-facility-level seriously. It is good to know that hackers won't be able to steal the top-secret goat census data.

By: Cash4Lead

Cash4Lead — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:28:13 -0800

Police thwarted by goat stuck on roof who 'only respects one man'

By: wintermind

wintermind — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:29:13 -0800

Or cow data.

By: We had a deal, Kyle

We had a deal, Kyle — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:40:20 -0800

What is Texas doing with all those goats? And what's with the cluster (easier to see in the county-by-county map) in north-east Arizona -- and the steep drop-off across the state lines to Utah/Colorado/New Mexico? Maybe Arizona has some goat-related subsidy or tax break that its neighbors don't?

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:40:50 -0800

Figuratively every goat in the United States on a map.

By: postel's law

postel's law — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:41:14 -0800

Garrett County Maryland has 666 goats. It's the horns that give them away.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:48:33 -0800

Goats are definitely the most metal of the even-toed ungulates. I've known goats in Garrett County, Maryland, though. They're pretty chill.

By: wenestvedt

wenestvedt — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 12:55:41 -0800

Guys, this checks out: the people near me with their one goat -- who we call "Goatey" when we yell hello every damn time we drive past -- is on here (northeast Rhode Island). Goats always looks so skeptical: I think it's their weird horizontal pupils -- like they invented "side-eye," you know?

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 13:17:18 -0800

It's not just a matter of looks. Goats are skeptical. "You want me to stand on that bench? Is that a good idea? I'm skeptical." is the sort of thing your average goat (who has spent the entire day up to that point deliberately standing on every elevated surface within its domain) will often say to you - in a more or less reasoned manner, depending on the individual goat.

By: Panjandrum

Panjandrum — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 13:22:50 -0800

Studies have found you are never more than 3 feet from a goat. Look around. If you don't see a goat then you are the goat.

By: tommasz

tommasz — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 13:24:12 -0800

like they invented "side-eye," you know? That's exactly what they want you to believe.

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 13:33:18 -0800

Literally every goat in the United States on a map. Christ all mighty this is brilliant trolling. Use literally when you are talking about a fucking figure. I am both agitated and amused. Well done. WELL FUCKING DONE. You got my goat there.

By: GenjiandProust

GenjiandProust — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 13:55:39 -0800

Garrett County Maryland has 666 goats. It's the horns that give them away. Yeah, but the head-to-horn ratio never works out in any sensible way.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:01:25 -0800

I know people who have a pet goat. I'm not sure they even know there's a such thing as an agricultural census. They're living off the grid. They're living off the goat grid.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:24:09 -0800

Also, FYI, Google has leaked details of a secret goat-related project...

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:28:40 -0800

And Android's not-so-secret goat API...

By: phearlez

phearlez — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:30:25 -0800

This seems like a good place to put my textexpander-saved pygmy goat link.

By: JHarris

JHarris — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:36:54 -0800

Refering to GuyZero's link, the Android function isUserAGoat() used to just return false. But according to this, it now returns true in one case.

By: emjaybee

emjaybee — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:37:23 -0800

Well damn it, we have all these goats in Texas, why is goat cheese still so freaking expensive?

By: dephlogisticated

dephlogisticated — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:46:51 -0800

Goats are definitely the most metal of the even-toed ungulates. You, sir, have never heard of a guard llama.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 15:12:20 -0800

Is the song called Llama? No, it is Goat. For a reason.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:14:47 -0800

Alaska, you're way behind the in the goat race. If you have to go to goat war with any other state, you're screwed.

By: Nerd of the North

Nerd of the North — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:49:03 -0800

Nonsense. Our wild goats will kick your domesticated goats' butts. Or butt your goats' domesticated kicks. Or something. Whatever it is it won't be pretty.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 18:05:25 -0800

what's with the cluster in north-east Arizona Navajo.

By: Kid Charlemagne

Kid Charlemagne — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:00:12 -0800

Things that scream at me #457 - why the goat depleted zone along I-55 through Arkansas and Mississippi?

By: turbid dahlia

turbid dahlia — Tue, 13 Jan 2015 19:19:43 -0800

needs more pictures of goats

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 03:04:12 -0800

It certainly turned out to be convenient for the chart makers that goats always come in clusters of 500.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 03:10:25 -0800

My county has nearly two thousand goats. If the goats formed a town, it would be the most populous in the county (but behind the two independent cities). I think this has the makings of some brilliant speculative fiction.

By: bukvich

bukvich — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 06:43:11 -0800

Poison ivy, multiflora rose and bittersweet - the goats eat them all with gusto, so Knox now markets their pest-munching services one week at a time from May to November.

By: phearlez

phearlez — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 06:46:41 -0800

Given the longevity of the oil on poison ivy - it can still be potent on dead leaves for years - I have to wonder about that goat poop.

By: Area Man

Area Man — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 08:34:04 -0800

Given the longevity of the oil on poison ivy - it can still be potent on dead leaves for years - I have to wonder about that goat poop. Don't rub it on your skin.

By: phearlez

phearlez — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 10:34:01 -0800

I was more thinking that stepping in poop is unpleasant enough without it giving you a 7 day rash.

By: madcaptenor

madcaptenor — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:41:35 -0800

And what's with the cluster (easier to see in the county-by-county map) in north-east Arizona -- and the steep drop-off across the state lines to Utah/Colorado/New Mexico? Maybe Arizona has some goat-related subsidy or tax break that its neighbors don't? I think that's the Navajo reservation. But when I google navajo goat I get a bunch of stuff about Navajo and sheep.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 13:32:17 -0800

But when I google navajo goat I get a bunch of stuff about Navajo and sheep. Man, I miss The X-Files. They would have gotten to the bottom of that.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:23:42 -0800

Given the longevity of the oil on poison ivy - it can still be potent on dead leaves for years - I have to wonder about that goat poop. Poison ivy is IIRC only poisonous to humans, so pretty much all herbivores will happily eat it. That's how its seeds are spread. Maybe just put on some shoes?

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:32:08 -0800

"Dairy goats that eat poison oak do not transfer detectible amounts of the toxic principle, urushiol, to the milk or to the urine. Furthermore, this oily, toxic irritant is found in goat manure at less than 9% of its concentration in poison oak leaves" [PDF] (poison oak and poison ivy have the same active ingredient, urushiol)

By: phearlez

phearlez — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 14:44:11 -0800

Thank you, aubilenon. I always knew I liked you better than that SHOEIST Sys Rq.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Wed, 14 Jan 2015 17:59:40 -0800

My parents subscribed to the "folklore" mentioned in that PDF, that drinking milk from goats fed on poison ivy would confer immunity or tolerance. So I drank a lot of poison ivy goat milk. According to the article, it probably did nothing for me. I don't recall playing around in goat shit although I was barefoot approximately 100% of the time when I wasn't in school or in town, so I probably trod on some at some point, probably quite heedlessly in between treading on thistles or rusty nails in old lumber. I hope you have enjoyed this edition of goat anecdote theater. Good evening.