Comments on: Dead Malls Make Excellent ReEducation Camps

Dead Malls Make Excellent ReEducation Camps

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:11:22 -0800

"To spell out the law of the land in the dead language of your time: on a Letterman Top Ten list of this situation, we are all number one, and you are numbers two through ten. The fleek have inherited the earth." -- A Millennial Revenge Fantasy ( The Hairpin)

By: hellojed

hellojed — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:15:09 -0800

This comment thread will crest 300

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:15:47 -0800

This is terrible and dumb and yet I laughed out loud. Twerking beside an effigy of Reagan.

By: gwint

gwint — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:15:48 -0800

Yes, but what books do I have on my shelf?

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:16:01 -0800

"yolo" whispers the old as he plays Creedence Clearwater Revival on his Bose bluetooth speaker, running through the single source sustainably harvested crowd As somebody who helped pioneer "old" as a noun, I'm pretty happy with this article.

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:17:04 -0800

(holds hand up nervously) Are Generation X and Y to be tortured as well?

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:18:09 -0800

thats a torturin'

By: Behemoth

Behemoth — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:22:10 -0800

Ha! All you'd need to take down this little millennial cabal is a test tube full of measles.

By: thelonius

thelonius — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:22:15 -0800

Jamie Lauren Keiles is the last enthusiastic person in New York. Literally?

By: bonehead

bonehead — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:23:20 -0800

Well, we are responsible for Tori Amos. Everything else seems to be Boomer-related. I was kinda wondering if the Foo Fighters or Jack White would be on the list too, but the kids seem cool with that, so...

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:29:44 -0800

Gen X is allowed so long as they apologize for what they did to SF and get on with our rediscovery of 90s hip-hop

By: thivaia

thivaia — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:30:31 -0800

Well, we are responsible for Tori Amos. And I have lots of shame about it. Amanda Palmer's on you guys, though.

By: the man of twists and turns

the man of twists and turns — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:30:53 -0800

Gen X is allowed so long as they apologize for what they did to SF The city or the genre? Hell, why not both.

By: Frowner

Frowner — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:32:59 -0800

WE DID ONLY GOOD THINGS TO SCIENCE FICTION. I WILL NEVER APOLOGIZE, EVEN IF YOU MAKE ME PLAY STUPID PHONE-BASED GAMES. San Francisco, though - believe me, I regret it as much as you and possibly more since I remember what it once was.

By: everybody had matching towels

everybody had matching towels — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:33:51 -0800

Gen X is allowed as long as they limit their 'what about generation x' grousing to one per month.

By: bonehead

bonehead — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:34:59 -0800

To be clear, I'm not actually ashamed of Tori Amos nostalgia either. I will go to my cell, as long as I can bring my Lilith Fair merch.

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:35:04 -0800

and I already used up this month. typical

By: Myca

Myca — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:35:53 -0800

Well, we are responsible for Tori Amos. And I have lots of shame about it. Amanda Palmer's on you guys, though. Wait, wait, wait, wait ... guys. I think I have a loophole. Let's pin them both on Neil Gaiman.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:38:09 -0800

In the grim millennial future is is only one direction

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:39:17 -0800

As a gesture of reconciliation, we will stop talking about cartoons from the mid to late 90s as if they where any good.

By: jason_steakums

jason_steakums — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:40:37 -0800

Only the clever will survive

By: a halcyon day

a halcyon day — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:50:45 -0800

The Millennials hadn't yet found his iPod Shuffle, the one he'd hidden in one of the last boxes of unlubricated condoms after Obama pulled them from the shelves. "It's still full of good stuff, U2 and Aerosmith, and a few Sammy Hagar tracks." He knew it would be safe there. Ed tried to snooze through the morning propaganda hour, shouted over the old mall loudspeakers by Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson and Mallory Ortberg, who DJed from the new nation's capital in Portland. It's been almost a year since he's had a good night's sleep, working the night shift as an online tech support agent. Most of the clients were Olds like him, who just needed someone to explain how to switch their Glasses into bifocal mode. That whole 'gesture-command' thing doesn't make sense anyway, he'd say. Just follow what I do. His wife, Karen was a barista, or that's what her nametag said. She'd been hired through the government jobs program that replaced Social Security— the New New Deal had taken it away along with the collapse and restructuring of the biggest banks and corporations. There was still Apple Bank, but unless you'd joined back when iPhones were handheld, your fees were insane. They hadn't spoken to their daughters in months— Nell was an engineer for Burning Man, and Sofia worked in Portland doing some government stuff she couldn't talk about. That usually meant the NSA, who had the tireless job of scouring the internet for outposts of the Tea Party, Westboro, and other domestic terrorists. Ed worried about her sometimes; when things got heated in some of the more troubled cities like Baltimore, they'd send in the NSA teams to smoke out the dissent. At least they had the power to deal with it now, unlike the time before when it was just ten thousand hashtags shouting in silence.

By: Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam

Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:54:18 -0800

I am 26 and what is this

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:56:44 -0800

All I can say is, just wait til your kids grow up, kids.

By: echocollate

echocollate — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:56:46 -0800

Generational enmity shall be resolved by a vigorous game of Trivial Pursuit Genus Edition. Good luck, kids.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Thu, 14 May 2015 10:57:48 -0800

Silly Milly--French Toast Crunch has been back on the market for about 6 months now.

By: prize bull octorok

prize bull octorok — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:00:09 -0800

It is tweeted that the favored pastime of the Olds is watching scheduled programming on CRT televisions in houses built upon land that they own outright; how can one reeducate a consciousness as alien as that

By: Strange Interlude

Strange Interlude — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:01:39 -0800

As a gesture of reconciliation, we will stop talking about cartoons from the mid to late 90s as if they where any good. I assume that Batman: The Animated Series and all of the Genndy Tartokovsky/Craig McCracken/Mike Lazzo-affiliated Cartoon Network programs are the exceptions that prove the rule here? Because they totally were, and still are. Clap me in chains if I'm wrong.

By: fuse theorem

fuse theorem — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:05:46 -0800

So "fleek" is a noun now?

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:08:38 -0800

The Millennials Never has a generation so deserved high-waisted acid-washed jeans.

By: JauntyFedora

JauntyFedora — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:09:16 -0800

So "fleek" is a noun now? It's written as "the fleek", as in "the hungry" or "the young".

By: honestcoyote

honestcoyote — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:11:18 -0800

Tori Amos is disdained Parental Rock now? Hard to think of those times I saw her in the 90's and realizing that beautiful and idealistic young audience are now all being cynical parents working some soulless cubicle existence. And their idealistic millennial children want to reward them with a hellish vaporwave concentration camp, with Tori Amos as one of the alleged crimes? Cycle of life, I guess. So what crime(s) will cause the children of millenials to string up their parents with nooses made of Apple watches tied to scaffolds made of selfie sticks?

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:16:52 -0800

Never has a generation so deserved high-waisted acid-washed jeans. Some of us Millennials experienced those the first time around. (Yes, do the math while I cackle evilly at your slightly-more-imminent-than-mine demise.)

By: prize bull octorok

prize bull octorok — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:16:59 -0800

P. sure in the dystopian hellworld of the near future, the children of millenials will just be straight up literally eating their parents, & possibly resenting being exposed on social media so much

By: FJT

FJT — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:18:40 -0800

As a gesture of reconciliation, we will stop talking about cartoons from the mid to late 90s as if they where any good. Uh, what about The Simpsons? The mid to late 90s was during seasons 4-9 too, widely considered to be the best seasons.

By: Oyéah

Oyéah — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:18:42 -0800

Jamie Lauren Keiles is the last enthusiastic person in New York. What? They ran out of crack, coke, meth, Diet Coke, coffee, in NYC?

By: Slackermagee

Slackermagee — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:23:26 -0800

Is this where we split into two camps that war in the virtual, with increasing contamination of meatspace, as to whether this fictitious hell should exist?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:33:14 -0800

The Simpsons are allowed but positive discussion any and all NickToons are grounds for a public shaming

By: gimonca

gimonca — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:33:14 -0800

Is this where we start arguing whether people born in the early 60s are Boomers or not? because they're not

By: symbioid

symbioid — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:35:28 -0800

The Whelk: "Gen X is allowed so long as they apologize for what they did to SF and get on with our rediscovery of 90s hip-hop" Umm - I've always been on with the discovery (notice I didn't say "RE") of 90s hip-hop. Does that mean I'm not allowed since I snarked about it? (tail-of-GenX kid here, you know the ones that aren't fully GenX, but neither whatever is after that (Y?)) And if it takes me apologizing for the gentrification of SF and now parts of Oakland, I will gladly do it. Just let me in on the reveeeeeeeeeenge!

By: grumpybear69

grumpybear69 — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:37:47 -0800

I'm a little confused about the Presidential Physical Fitness Test, since that was around in 1980.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:37:56 -0800

So what crime(s) will cause the children of millenials to string up their parents with nooses made of Apple watches tied to scaffolds made of selfie sticks? Ukeleles and artisinal graham crackers? Or maybe just Cory Doctorow?

By: FJT

FJT — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:37:59 -0800

The Simpsons are allowed but positive discussion any and all NickToons are grounds for a public shaming Okay, but do we have to humor the Boomers when they start speaking fondly of Hanna-Barbera cartoons? I mean, aren't most of their characters just an animal with a tie and a hat (Wally Gator, Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, Top Cat)?

By: echocollate

echocollate — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:41:32 -0800

It just occurred to me that Liz Phair is now also mom rock. This has gotta be confusing for somebody.

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:41:32 -0800

The Simpsons are allowed What about Duckman? And The Critic? And Daria? And Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist?

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:41:32 -0800

Okay, but do we have to humor the Boomers when they start speaking fondly of Hanna-Barbera cartoons? I mean, aren't most of their characters just an animal with a tie and a hat (Wally Gator, Huckleberry Hound, Yogi Bear, Top Cat)? Um...Do the names Flintstone and Jetson ring any bells?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:41:47 -0800

No we never have to humor the boomers ever again, that's what this violent uprising it's all about.

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:44:53 -0800

we must feast upon their wizened flesh

By: One Second Before Awakening

One Second Before Awakening — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:45:59 -0800

Oh heck yeah, this is my kind of revolution. Let's make all the boomers work 60 hours a week in fast food jobs without benefits, and make them take time out of every day to administer standardized tests to turtles, and then tie their pay to the turtles' performance metrics!

By: millipede

millipede — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:47:22 -0800

This is one of the only Millienial-y articles I can sort of identify with, and mainly because I wanted Lunchables and hated the presidential fitness test. As part of the weird micro-non-generation-generation alternately classified as the very youngest of Gen X and the very oldest of Millenials (79ish-82ish, about), usually articles about any generation make me feel left out, like a person born on February 29th reading an article about birthdays. everyone else has a generation, dammit!

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:47:55 -0800

it has to be 39.9999999999h/week on the books so they don't qualify for benefits and an additional 20h of uncompensated work. also sometimes it is 38h in a row followed by 3 hours off the clock and 1h back on, and their houses are exactly 90 minutes away by public transpo.

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:49:09 -0800

on a Letterman Top Ten list of this situation, we are all number one, and you are numbers two through ten. Joke's on you, millennials. The olds know that the best item on the Top Ten list is always placed at #3 or #2.

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:49:16 -0800

when they start speaking fondly of Hanna-Barbera cartoons? Interestingly, the connection between Hanna-Barbera and Balthus is the Anglo-American rocker Vince Taylor who was Joe Barbera's brother-in-law and Balthus' son's bandmate.

By: Oyéah

Oyéah — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:49:43 -0800

There are always revenge, early teen pictures on social media sites. I was careful to take pictures of my millenial nestlings, dirty from playing in the dirt, and crying. There were some BAD haircuts. If your millenial children are too nearby and rubbing in, their six figure incomes, you can always just talk with their SOs once, maybe twice, that should do it.

By: Tell Me No Lies

Tell Me No Lies — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:52:16 -0800

everyone else has a generation, dammit! Oh quit whining. The whole conceit of Gen X was that we didn't have an identity ('X', get it?).

By: millipede

millipede — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:54:25 -0800

Oh quit whining. The whole conceit of Gen X was that we didn't have an identity ('X', get it?). You misinterpret me, perhaps purposefully.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:57:11 -0800

But you had zines

By: echocollate

echocollate — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:58:56 -0800

OK, Millennials. I want to see a death-camp bus parked in my driveway when I get home. Put up or shut up.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Thu, 14 May 2015 11:59:12 -0800

No we never have to humor the boomers ever again, that's what this violent uprising it's all about. Oh? Then shit yeah, I'm all for it. Not sure where my local SJW camp is at so I'll just turn myself in to the first twentysomething I see wearing skinny jeans. (are those still a thing? I am aging rapidly.) As part of the weird micro-non-generation-generation alternately classified as the very youngest of Gen X and the very oldest of Millenials (79ish-82ish, about), usually articles about any generation make me feel left out, 79 here, I know this feel. I kinda dig the mid thirties PoV though - not young anymore, not old yet. You get to be mad judgmental in both directions, it rules. We're gonna be grim when we go grey, though. I can already hear it when my peers complain about "hipsters." I am comforted somewhat, however, that those backwards shitbag pricks who today complain about "SJWs" will soon be bloated, embarrassing, holiday dinner ruining uncles. Their nieces and nephews will mock them on their holophones. They'll get posted to Spacebook sounding dumb as shit and won't even know it. Can't wait.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:03:17 -0800

All I can say is, just wait til your kids grow up, kids. >>implying we'll ever be able to afford it and/or would choose to bring children into the world knowing they'd likely die in the Global Warming Riotornadocane of '47

By: Oyéah

Oyéah — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:03:20 -0800

"Humor the Boomers" sublime rhyme, gets me every time, "Hang the Millenials from nearest greased finial, let them climb that ladder to the things that matter, macciato glitter nails, and side parked pony tails, trails of faces, faces, faces, no, yes, yes, yes, bye-gum by golly, itsy bitsy teenie weenie, designer martini going down in some fleek, yet tired twerking ground. A movie I'll never watch in reruns, reality's sickening crunch of realization, deja vu, I see you! Love you sweetie-Love you too!

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:05:57 -0800

OK, Millennials. I want to see a death-camp bus parked in my driveway when I get home. Put up or shut up. What is a "bus"? Is that like an uber?

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:16:37 -0800

It's self driving duh

By: y2karl

y2karl — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:21:06 -0800

Is this where we start arguing whether people born in the early 60s are Boomers or not? because they're not Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......................................................................

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:22:04 -0800

I expect the Time Life Golden Age of Gaming collections to be especially bleak. Ads like this, except for huge boxes of reissued PS2 titles.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:24:33 -0800

prize bull octorok: "It is tweeted that the favored pastime of the Olds is watching scheduled programming on CRT televisions in houses built upon land that they own outright; how can one reeducate a consciousness as alien as that" (nods) It is tweeted.

By: One Second Before Awakening

One Second Before Awakening — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:25:55 -0800

Let's have the locks on the boomer prison camp doors be computerized -- instead of entering a passcode, you'll need to install an unfamiliar printer in a windows OS environment to open the gate.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:26:01 -0800

"Thus ends the service, May you be reblogged."

By: thelonius

thelonius — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:31:53 -0800

In my day, wine was sold at stores, for money.

By: MiltonRandKalman

MiltonRandKalman — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:32:44 -0800

instead of entering a passcode, you'll need to install an unfamiliar printer in a windows OS environment to open the gate. IRQ and COM switches.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:36:31 -0800

my top ten list for the millennials - 1 quit 2 whining 3 and 4 get 5 off 6 my 7 damned 8 lawn 9 snot 10 nose

By: Tevin

Tevin — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:36:33 -0800

And they have to do it in Internet dialect. Because reasons.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:38:18 -0800

Your lawn seriously needs to move to Xeriscaping cause ....it's never raining here ever again thanks again for that.

By: bonehead

bonehead — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:42:17 -0800

Tori Amos is disdained Parental Rock now? Little Earthquakes is older than many kids with a Master's degree. Rose Walker is probably worried about how to pay for her baby's college tuition.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:45:26 -0800

1 then 2 how 3 do 4 you 5 propose 6 I 7 should 8 mow 9 it 10 sir

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:45:39 -0800

Today's nostalgic sad dad music is all surprisingly aggressive/heavy 90s cuts, your NIN playing at the McDonalds kinda thing.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:47:11 -0800

i got 25 bucks and a cracker do you think it's enough to live on during this 8-week unpaid internship

By: echocollate

echocollate — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:48:03 -0800

I'm not going to Dorian Grey my way out of this am I.

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:50:17 -0800

You have to murder a few artists first.

By: Thorzdad

Thorzdad — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:52:49 -0800

Today's nostalgic sad dad music is all surprisingly aggressive/heavy 90s cuts, your NIN playing at the McDonalds kinda thing. My local Meijer big-box regularly plays Talking Heads, Ramones, Clash, Devo, etc. It's really fucking odd. No NIN yet, though.

By: jeff-o-matic

jeff-o-matic — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:56:50 -0800

My local big grocery store plays 80s hits sometimes.

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Thu, 14 May 2015 12:58:15 -0800

i heard nirvana's "come as you are" on an easy listening station a few years ago and i have avoided all things radio ever since.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:00:51 -0800

My local big grocery store plays 80s hits sometimes. So when I finally heard Blue Monday at my local grocery store it was definitely the moment I became teh oldz. I also recently heard Echo & The Bunnymen as background music... at an airport. Which really stunned me because they weren't even popular when they were popular. I can only assume that whatever megacorp provides these canned music streams is now run by disaffected gen x'ers who are finally showing everyone how awesome their music taste in high school really was.

By: jeff-o-matic

jeff-o-matic — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:03:44 -0800

The ones I heard were more popular... Cyndi Lauper, Eurythmics, etc.

By: One Second Before Awakening

One Second Before Awakening — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:04:29 -0800

Man, airport music is a total wildcard. I heard "Alpha and Omega" by Boards of Canada in an airport in Sarasota, Florida. Anything can happen in an airport.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:06:20 -0800

my favorite airport music synergy was when I heard "Recycled Air" at Sea-Tac, having just flown in from Eastern Washington.

By: jason_steakums

jason_steakums — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:08:22 -0800

All muzak services had their signals hijacked by a lone pirate radio DJ 7 years ago and nobody at the muzak companies or their clients noticed because they weren't paying attention to the music anyways.

By: everybody had matching towels

everybody had matching towels — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:09:13 -0800

Man, airport music is a total wildcard. Buffalo-Niagara Int'l is always playing the Goo-Goo Dolls. Not exclusively, but very, very heavily in the mix. Since I noticed this trend - about 8 years ago - I have never been wrong. Not once. Every time I'm there, and I'm there approx 6 times/year, I hear a Goo-Goo Dolls song.

By: jason_steakums

jason_steakums — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:16:39 -0800

If "Iris" isn't played in Buffalo-Niagara at least once an hour the seal will be broken and Yttraxius the Unfolding Star-Wolf, fifth of His name and Lord of the Infinite Malaise will slip his chains and devour the sun so it's an okay trade off.

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:21:52 -0800

Still beats living in North Tonawanda.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:24:04 -0800

it's not Yttraxius's fault, okay, He didn't ask to be born into an 11th dimensional hellscape where the only star available for eating was some puny yellow dwarf. He just wants you to know who He is

By: shponglespore

shponglespore — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:31:28 -0800

Nobody has said it yet? I for one welcome our new millennial overlords. But then, being from 1979, I'm basically a millennial with a side of gen-X cynicism.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Thu, 14 May 2015 13:36:57 -0800

If "Iris" isn't played in Buffalo-Niagara at least once an hour the seal will be broken... and there will be a garage fire in Cheektowaga. So it seems like it's already too late.

By: bonehead

bonehead — Thu, 14 May 2015 14:15:59 -0800

I've never heard Music for Airports in an airport.

By: a halcyon day

a halcyon day — Thu, 14 May 2015 14:23:38 -0800

I often listen to Music for Airports in airports (headphones, of course). It's good, but not as good as The Campfire Headphase or Eingya.

By: gimonca

gimonca — Thu, 14 May 2015 14:27:34 -0800

I also recently heard Echo & The Bunnymen as background music... at an airport. Likewise, at a grocery store in Minneapolis. There's a relatively upscale wine/liquor store downtown that at times has played 'The Current' (public radio alt-radio) as background music. Bit odd to be passing by the expensive Burgundies and have Devo's "Uncontrollable Urge" come over the speakers.

By: jason_steakums

jason_steakums — Thu, 14 May 2015 14:35:44 -0800

Fun fact from the future, it turns out this article is actually a pitch for third Paul Blart movie and it's basically universally hailed as the spiritual successor to Die Hard.

By: egypturnash

egypturnash — Thu, 14 May 2015 15:33:16 -0800

Now I kinda want to wander through an airport blasting 'Music for Airports' from a bluetooth speaker. Or maybe The Black Dog's 'Music for Real Airports'. I'm flying home tomorrow; sadly my bluetooth speaker is one of the many things I left there when I went on this trip. Next time.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Thu, 14 May 2015 15:59:36 -0800

Anything can happen in an airport. yes, sometimes the planes actually take off

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:01:59 -0800

1 i 2 just 3 bought 4 a 5 robot 6 to 7 mow 8 my 9 lawn 10 bye

By: One Second Before Awakening

One Second Before Awakening — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:15:11 -0800

1 One 2 Two 3 Three 4 Four 5 Five 6 Six 7 Seven 8 Eight 9 Nine 10 Ten d- ... did I do it right?

By: MikeMc

MikeMc — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:19:04 -0800

Oh quit whining. The whole conceit of Gen X was that we didn't have an identity ('X', get it?). Meh.

By: jason_steakums

jason_steakums — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:20:45 -0800

Gen X had no identity, so they built one IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

By: Tell Me No Lies

Tell Me No Lies — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:24:03 -0800

I'm not going to Dorian Grey my way out of this am I. On the internet no one knows that the effects of age and hedonism are being played out on an oil painting rather than upon your angelic visage. Unless you're Paul Rudd, in which case it's pretty effing obvious.

By: fuse theorem

fuse theorem — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:44:15 -0800

Fun fact from the future, it turns out this article is actually a pitch for third Paul Blart movie and it's basically universally hailed as the spiritual successor to Die Hard. Die Hard or Idiocracy? It's written as "the fleek", as in "the hungry" or "the young". I'm sure that's what was intended but I don't believe fleek works like that as an adjective. The common description is "on fleek" not just "fleek." The writer perhaps should have consulted the New York Times for guidance on proper slang usuage.

By: caryatid

caryatid — Thu, 14 May 2015 16:56:58 -0800

your stable 35-year career at a single job This can't be about us Boomers. Our parents were the last generation with stable 35-year careers at single jobs. Which actually sounds like another form of torture to me - seriously, 35 years at the same job? [shudder] That said, I wish my life as a Boomer were as carefree as Millennials think it is, and I am so glad I never had children.

By: mule98J

mule98J — Thu, 14 May 2015 17:06:10 -0800

I was hoping the future would at least wait until I'm gone. Piss Out.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Thu, 14 May 2015 17:28:21 -0800

I was born in '75 and I'm packing this thread in my old style aluminum A-Team lunchbox to take with me into the afterlife, just shove my corpse into a compost heap unless you want to try to reclaim the THC and various rare earth metals that I ingested and no longer have use for.

By: ob1quixote

ob1quixote — Thu, 14 May 2015 17:28:52 -0800

gimonca: “Is this where we start arguing whether people born in the early 60s are Boomers or not? because they're not”

Word.

By: monotreme

monotreme — Thu, 14 May 2015 17:44:04 -0800

Oh please! If you weren't old enough to get laid during the Summer of Love, you aren't a (irritating, smug, self-satisfied) boomer. Thus, anyone born after 1956 is not a boomer. Now GTF off my goddamn lawn!

By: Dip Flash

Dip Flash — Thu, 14 May 2015 18:10:32 -0800

Wait, wait, wait, wait ... guys. I think I have a loophole. Let's pin them both on Neil Gaiman. I'll hold the railroad spikes if you swing the hammer. As a gen X person, I don't know if I'm old enough to qualify for the fate described in the article, but it did crack me up. When I was younger there were all these predictions of how there would be huge waves of retirements in all kinds of industries, but instead either companies have gotten rid of the jobs entirely, or the poor boomers lost their savings in the crash and are now planning to work until they are dead.

By: TheWhiteSkull

TheWhiteSkull — Thu, 14 May 2015 18:16:35 -0800

Shows what you know- at this point, Gen X is mostly stringy and gamey. You'll barely get any good meat off us.

By: Mchelly

Mchelly — Thu, 14 May 2015 18:19:36 -0800

My Gen-X brain still thinks that it must actually be En fliq, that it's a French slang term straight out of Collette or Godard, and the language people just haven't realized it yet.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 14 May 2015 18:46:44 -0800

My Gen-X brain still thinks that it must actually be En fliq Your grey, wrinkled Gen-X brain may well be correct to think that. There's the French slang flic or flique (cop, pig, fuzz), whence is derived the transitive verb fliquer (to be under police surveillance, or to have someone under police surveillance, or something like that), whence fliqueur, etc., etc. For one's eyebrows to be on fleek would certainly appear to denote that they have been tamed, controlled, corralled, policed—i.e. en flique, n'est-ce pas?

By: betweenthebars

betweenthebars — Thu, 14 May 2015 18:47:00 -0800

Ke$ha covers of Wilco is the music of my dreams. Miley Cyrus covering Under the Pink would also fit my playlist.

By: RobotHero

RobotHero — Thu, 14 May 2015 19:11:03 -0800

millipede: "(79ish-82ish, about)" shponglespore: " But then, being from 1979, " EatTheWeak: "79 here, I know this feel." Well I was born in 1978 and you people who are slightly younger than me confuse and infuriate me.

By: caryatid

caryatid — Thu, 14 May 2015 19:45:43 -0800

Millennials should learn the difference between Dirty Fucking Hippie Boomers and Republicans.

By: hellojed

hellojed — Thu, 14 May 2015 19:57:26 -0800

Only 100 or so comments, I was off by a THIRD.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 14 May 2015 20:14:21 -0800

Only 100 or so comments, I was off by a THIRD. it could still get there! YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS IT'S THAT YOU WANT EVERYTHING RIGHT AWAY BACK IN MY DAY COMMENTS MEANT SOMETHING BECAUSE WE WORKED FOR THEM

By: The Whelk

The Whelk — Thu, 14 May 2015 22:03:14 -0800

Pull yourself up by your own favorites you godless commie parasites!

By: radwolf76

radwolf76 — Fri, 15 May 2015 02:24:28 -0800

Well I was born in 1978 and you people who are slightly younger than me confuse and infuriate me. I'm a bicentennial baby, so this +2.

By: Yowser

Yowser — Fri, 15 May 2015 09:29:45 -0800

Everyone was going to retire in 2011! Jobs for all! Hahahahahah Hahahah Ah Oh god

By: y2karl

y2karl — Fri, 15 May 2015 15:11:23 -0800

Thus, anyone born after 1956 is not a boomer. Au contraire, by common definition, one born in or between 1946 to 1964 is a baby boomer, not matter how hard one born so tries to weasel out.

By: ob1quixote

ob1quixote — Fri, 15 May 2015 15:40:21 -0800

As I apparently never tire of pointing out in threads like this, the common definition is wrong.

By: y2karl

y2karl — Fri, 15 May 2015 15:46:19 -0800

Ah, the Gen fauXers...

By: monotreme

monotreme — Fri, 15 May 2015 20:05:04 -0800

Ok, the demographic baby boom extended to '64. But the "cultural" boomer is someone who: had unlimited sex when STDs were curable with a simple shot of penicillin; got to play at being a revolutionary socialist, then took a cushy job at an investment bank; shut down the space program as soon as they got elected; always voted for tax cuts and against the long term good of the country. Et fucking cetera. Thanks for listening, I feel better now. I'll just let myself out.

By: infinitewindow

infinitewindow — Sat, 16 May 2015 10:54:08 -0800

Gen Xers had sex before they had in-home internet.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Sun, 17 May 2015 19:43:05 -0800

Everyone was going to retire in 2011! Jobs for all! oh man I'm sure this internet thing, with its benefits of working remotely and working time-shifted and its efficient connection of needs to skills is definitely going to lead us all to fulfilling work and definitely not accelerate the race to the bottom

By: y2karl

y2karl — Mon, 18 May 2015 12:33:20 -0800

But the "cultural" boomer is someone who, by your definition, is not only someone not a member of your morally superior cohort but also an actual member of Congress ? If not, how did it work out that the "cultural" Gen Xers were the ineffectual victims of the other half of that particular bulge in the demographic snake ? To paraphrase Nelson Muntz: Ha! ha! ....yeah right. You may now go back to yelling at your TV.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Mon, 18 May 2015 12:37:24 -0800

i'm not like a regular boomer, i'm a cool boomer.

By: Tell Me No Lies

Tell Me No Lies — Mon, 18 May 2015 19:30:05 -0800

I'm not old, your music really *does* suck.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:10:55 -0800

Revenge of the Snake People

By: poffin boffin

poffin boffin — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:45:47 -0800

i think you mean sneeple (snake people).

By: Lentrohamsanin

Lentrohamsanin — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:53:32 -0800

I was feeling all smug and tuned in about this and then I got to the end and I didn't know what venmo was without googling.

By: kagredon

kagredon — Thu, 28 May 2015 11:59:31 -0800

venmo <> venom DUN DUN DUN