Comments on: Ink That Stinks

Ink That Stinks

milquetoast — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 10:35:33 -0800

Bad tattoos. More bad tattoos. Bad tattoos - don't let this happen to you! And, uh, this. And previously: Hanzi Smatter. Some pics, though no direct links, are NSFW.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 10:55:21 -0800

"Mr. Cool Ice?!" Jesus Christ. My old room mate once told me about this one-night-stand he had in Indiana. When the gal got out of bed, he finally saw that she had a crudely-drawn, full back tattoo of... Bert. Bert, as in "Bert and Ernie." He was speechless.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:06:27 -0800

I've been wondering about Mr. CooL ICE for quite some time. Anyone know any backstory or more info on this guy?

By: jrossi4r

jrossi4r — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:07:03 -0800

I really need to know the backstory behind this one. Some of the snarks made in the first link actually serve to make the author look a bit dumb, though. It's not a stick figure angel. It's the icon from "The Saint." The reason that bear looks like a dog is because it is a dog--a chow.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:11:58 -0800

jrossi4r, that tattoo is AWESOME.

By: MetaMonkey

MetaMonkey — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:14:00 -0800

Puke & Cry, I'm guessing this video explains all, if you speak German. The best I can come up with is around 2 mins 43 shows a business card printed "Mr Lover Lover", "Mr Cool Ice" and then "Mr Sex". The mind boggles.

By: MrBobaFett

MrBobaFett — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:15:34 -0800

I'm curious about the third link, I wish they had comments explaining why each of these tattoos are bad. It sounds like the people from Ink City aren't just worried about the aesthetics of the tattoos. For example I don't see anything wrong with the sacred heart tattoo they show...

By: jrossi4r

jrossi4r — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:19:38 -0800

Also, if a stranger shows up at your door and offers to give you a tattoo, it's best to decline.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:21:29 -0800

awesome MetaMonkey, thanks. I don't speak german but this helps anyway.

By: MetaMonkey

MetaMonkey — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:22:39 -0800

Wacka Wacka

By: krix

krix — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:26:05 -0800

ugh. My friend Roi has a few that would fit in these galleries, including one cartoonish punk rocker that inexplicably has six fingers.

By: toftflin

toftflin — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:43:22 -0800

Who would get a Ron Burgandy tattoo? I mean, Anchorman was kind of funny, but sweet zombie jesus... We now need a post on good tattoos to bring balance back to the universe.

By: hototogisu

hototogisu — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:43:57 -0800

What on earth is wrong with this?

By: raedyn

raedyn — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:47:29 -0800

Where did they get all the photos of ink to make fun of? Presumably there aren't a lot of people submitting their own photos to these sites.

By: raedyn

raedyn — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:53:57 -0800

(presumably most of the porkdico ones are stolen from elsewhere on the 'net, since several images have copyright messages on them - from a variety places, none of them porkdisco)

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 11:55:00 -0800

Some sort of self fulfilling prophecy. I work at a guitar store. Every time some scraggly meth-mouthed skeeve comes in looking for a single guitar string, I usually find out it's to be used as a needle for a homemade tatoo gun. I am a cruel fucker, and always sell them the thickest string I know will work, releshing the pain I know it will cause them. Bleed, you racist redneck, bleed!

By: dbiedny

dbiedny — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 12:00:51 -0800

You want a good tattoo post? Here you go... The best ink artist on the planet, IMO.

By: lovetragedy

lovetragedy — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 12:02:51 -0800

This dude's first tattoo was a neck tattoo courtesy of board.crewcial.org. If you don't feel like reading through the thread for the explanation, here are the goods: One Two His friend got a pretty good tribute to Florida, also.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 12:05:25 -0800

In fact, I stock Ernie Ball .24 plains for that purpose. These people are usually so bombed when they come in they will follow any suggestion I make.

By: TimeFactor

TimeFactor — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 12:06:01 -0800

It's fun to go to thrift shops and marvel at the bad fashion choices people have made in the past: like the racks of acid-wash jeans and parachute pants. But now that tattoos have become unfashionable people can't just drop them off at Goodwill. I'd like to have 1% of 1% of the money spent in the next 5 years just on tribal armband removal.

By: amro

amro — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 12:52:20 -0800

Some people are too dumb to be parents.

By: bardic

bardic — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 13:07:57 -0800

My parents were correct about life more often than I'd like to admit. When it comes to tatoos, they were spot on.

By: scratch

scratch — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 13:16:50 -0800

But now that tattoos have become unfashionable people can't just drop them off at Goodwill. I'd like to have 1% of 1% of the money spent in the next 5 years just on tribal armband removal. A now defunct record store in NYC used to have a cartoon taped to the register that showed two mohawked, tattooed, pierced, scarred and etcetera'd senior citizens (indicated by canes and easy chairs). The caption: "So you were an idiot back in the 90's too, huh?"

By: kosher_jenny

kosher_jenny — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 14:15:02 -0800

You want a good tattoo post? Here you go... The best ink artist on the planet, IMO. posted by dbiedny at 12:00 PM PST on January 28 [!] Wow, the stuff under the "Biomechanical" section of his portfolio is amazing. That guy's got serious talent. I'd like to get a tattoo, but I seriously doubt that I could trust myself to make a decision about what to get done and where that I wouldn't regret at some point. Of course, this would look pretty damn awesome around my forearm, or maybe this ...

By: hototogisu

hototogisu — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:17:36 -0800

This has always been my favorite of Gupta's work...

By: rodney stewart

rodney stewart — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:29:37 -0800

the only thing that separates a bad tattoo from a good one is time. the simple truth is absolutely all tattoos look dreadful after a few years. no exception.

By: HTuttle

HTuttle — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:32:27 -0800

Every tattoo I've ever seen has been the aesthetic equivalent of a black velvet Elvis painting.

By: HTuttle

HTuttle — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:33:59 -0800

(some are drawn better than others, but they're all still Elvis on BV.)

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:36:29 -0800

TimeFactor writes "But now that tattoos have become unfashionable people can't just drop them off at Goodwill." Tattoos have become...? *clears throat, casually covers upper arm* Crap.

By: dabitch

dabitch — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:44:50 -0800

*flaunts belly* teehee-hee.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:46:58 -0800

Tattoos have become...? *clears throat, casually covers upper arm* Crap. Guess I'll only be wearing long-sleeved turtlenecks and pants from now until my dying day.

By: Kickstart70

Kickstart70 — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 15:55:19 -0800

I would LOVE to get something done by Gupta, but I doubt I'll ever get to New York to consider it.

By: chronic sublime

chronic sublime — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 16:07:52 -0800

You know, if I tattooed a potato on my butt cheek, I'd sure as hell want to caption it so others could identify it correctly. If he didn't tell me it was a potato, I'm not quite sure what I'd think it was. [This is a good way to spend a lazy Sunday morning. Thanks!]

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 16:17:25 -0800

chronic sublime: It rather looks like Peter Griffin wants to eat the labeled potato, but is unable to due to the intervening crevasse.

By: dbiedny

dbiedny — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 16:59:34 -0800

Rodney: Actually, the ink I got at 35 (I'm 43 now) looks great, the trick is to find the right artist, one who understands the craft in a deep and meaningful way. Anil Gupta seems to have an uncanny ability, and the piece he did for me over 6 years ago looks like it was done yesterday. The colors are all extremely vibrant, the details are sharp and I expect that, even given the normal softening over time, I will love my skin art in 30 years as much as I do now. I've never regretted any of my ink. Even though I wanted tats from a very early age (I used to draw on myself with markers when I was 8, so the desire has been lifelong), I waited until I was in my mid 30s before moving ahead with it - life experiences helped me define what was really important to me. Getting tats was never a fashion statement or participation in trend for me, it was a connection to something deep iinside of me, something ancient. I've told the children of friends who want ink that it's all about revealing what's already there - not adding something, but instead, revealing the part of ones self that is already present and "under the surface". I do agree that many people don't really give proper consideration to the process, and act out of impulse and a desire to fit in. I've never fit into anywhere predefined, or any clique, so my own acquisituon of skin art has been about something very personal, and nothing to do with the fickle ways of our society.

By: es_de_bah

es_de_bah — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 17:32:49 -0800

hr giger has really let himself go...

By: andendau

andendau — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 17:44:41 -0800

dbiedny: I like the way you put that.

By: rodney stewart

rodney stewart — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 18:17:14 -0800

might be useful to a point: Computer Techniques For Tattoo Removal

By: rodney stewart

rodney stewart — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 18:39:46 -0800

the ink I got at 35 (I'm 43 now) looks great at age 53, your Gupta biomechanical tatty will very likely need an explanatory photo. come 63, you'll seriously be hard pushed to find any semblance of art remaining on that skin. even your deepest, darkest tribal tatty will just be one large blue smudge. 'skin art' on a thirty-something is probably good for ten years at most. sorry to burst your bubble but a trip to an old folks home is a great reminder that tatty's and old age have never been a good mix.

By: keptwench

keptwench — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 18:45:03 -0800

I'm completely with dbiedny on this. Wise words indeed. I've got three myself and have the flash ready for another, and it's a good sized one. if you don't like seeing tats on people, don't look. F*ck fashion.

By: SuzySmith

SuzySmith — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 19:17:23 -0800

With modern tattoo inks and machines, they tend to stay much better and crisper for many, many years. My favorite artist: Cat Spencer.

By: dbiedny

dbiedny — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 19:50:20 -0800

As SuzySmith points out, the folks in the old age home got their ink many years ago, at a time when the technology was fairly primitive, and usually by hacks doing lines of Navy boys (there were some great artists during that era, but they were also restrained by the gear). The day Anil did my shoulder piece (a blurry shot taken the night it was done, 8 hours, one sitting, with an Apple QuickTake 100 (thanks, Abner!), I met a guy with one of his unbelievable miniature tattoos, one of the first Anil had ever done. It looked brand new, and it was 10 years old at the time. That shoulder piece still looks exactly the same, and really, I'll miss leaving it on this body once I go.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 20:55:19 -0800

Those miniatures are great. I generally dislike tattooism, and probably would never pay for one. But if someone was giving one of these away as a present, can't say I could refuse it.

By: TimeFactor

TimeFactor — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 21:08:02 -0800

F*ck fashion. Absolutely. When I see the racks and racks of acid-wash jeans at the thrift shop I think of all the people who thought they were being stylish with their acid-wash jeans and their mullets who wouldn't be caught dead looking like that now because it isn't fashionable. Yet they weren't being stylish at all before; they had no sense of style, just of fashion. But I have nothing but admiration for somebody now who wears acid-wash jeans and a mullet. They do have a sense of style, though it doesn't happen to be mine, and they're sticking to it even if fashion tells them otherwise. So rock on achy-breaky Billy Ray Cyrus mullet-dude. Unfortunately, there are tens of millions of people who got tattooed entirely because it was fashionable but now fashion's moved on and now they look, to themselves and the rest of the fashion-conscious, foolish. Unlike a haircut, though, you can't just "update" a tattoo by telling your hair-stylist "Now I want one of those clipped styles all the cool kids are wearing. Oh, and I'll need to pick up some a pair of those little rectangular eye-glasses too". So now you have millions of people with their c.2000 tribal armbands who want desperately to fit in again, to be fashionable. The millions of teenage girls with the over-the-ass handlebars are going to desperately want to be rid of them when they're 30 and their tattoos are announcing to the world: "I haven't been a teenager in 10 years" after teenage girl have long since stopped getting those tattoos. So there's millions to be made in tattoo removal from all those people who'd love to drop their tattoos off at the Goodwill like acid-wash jeans or some other fashion abomination. Those of us who never wanted to look like Billy Ray Cyrus or who never didn't want to look like Billy Ray Cyrus will just sit on the sidelines and shake our heads in wonder.

By: mullingitover

mullingitover — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 21:33:57 -0800

This is why I hate tipping strippers with bad tattoos. I know they're just going to use the money I'm giving them to go out and get more bad tattoos.

By: mygothlaundry

mygothlaundry — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 21:36:41 -0800

What dbiedny said about old tattoos is true. I have a 15 year old tattoo that's just as crisp, bright and clear as it was the day it was done - better, actually, the redness has gone down. And thanks for the link, I'd never seen Gupta's work before; it's fantastic.

By: blueberry

blueberry — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 01:07:30 -0800

No doubt, a job for Turlington's Lower Back Tattoo Remover. [SNL Quicktime by way of http://www.isoprophlex.com/iso_gallery.php#]

By: VirtualWolf

VirtualWolf — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 02:13:41 -0800

This has always been my favorite of Gupta's work... Woah! That is awesome.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 02:26:10 -0800

She looks like the stalk of bamboo with a spinal column; he should have tattooed her some horizontal ass stripes too, to give the illusion of hips.

By: Wolof

Wolof — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 02:57:03 -0800

What is hip?

By: jiawen

jiawen — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 03:25:04 -0800

I have a page of Mandarin names on my website, so naturally I used to get tons of people writing to me asking "Can you tell me my name in Chinese?" and "How do you say 'thunderbat' in Chinese?" and bullshit like that. However, since I put up a couple links about bad Chinese tattoos, I've gotten far fewer. I was always tempted to give them words saying "Idiotic white monkey" or something like that, but I've avoided the temptation so far.

By: ancientgower

ancientgower — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 07:09:16 -0800

Well, there went my Sunday morning. Fun site! This one made me laugh out loud!

By: ancientgower

ancientgower — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 07:21:49 -0800

And it all definitely comes under the category of People Who Are Not Like You and Me. I mean, just trying to imagine the social milieu in which any one of these would be acceptable makes my brain spin. I'm not making a judgment call here; I just cannot imagine it. It makes me want to turn to my wife and say, "Well, what do you make of that, Muffin?" in my best Thurston Howell III voice.

By: Redruin

Redruin — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 07:23:59 -0800

never heard the term "tramp stamp" before, but it's so completely accurate..

By: KevinKarl

KevinKarl — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 07:28:33 -0800

Well, that was certainly comprehensive..

By: Mr.Encyclopedia

Mr.Encyclopedia — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 14:24:32 -0800

For people wondering why some of the third link pictures are considered bad, it's because that's a tatoo artist site pointing out poor artwork. If you look closely you see the lines are sloppy and crooked.

By: NewBornHippy

NewBornHippy — Sun, 29 Jan 2006 17:52:20 -0800

I always loved the crazy diarrhea one.

By: Songdog

Songdog — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 10:39:04 -0800

Someone actually got eyes tattooed on his eyelids.

By: raedyn

raedyn — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 11:25:17 -0800

Someone actually got eyes tattooed on his eyelids. - Songdog I wonder what it looks like when that guy blinks.

By: dgaicun

dgaicun — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 13:32:32 -0800

Someone actually got eyes tattooed on his eyelids. Wouldn't a tattoo needle jack-hammering into your eyeball, uh, be bad for it?