Comments on: Some people really love their cars.

Some people really love their cars.

inconsequentialist — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:12:19 -0800

Auto Erotica. Chris, 38, has a recognised psychological condition that makes him physically attracted to motors. (via)

By: Rangeboy

Rangeboy — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:14:39 -0800

Paging J.G. Ballard to thread 59348, paging J.G. Ballard to thread 59348.

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:21:13 -0800

crash.

By: gomichild

gomichild — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:22:12 -0800

Gives car jacking a whole new meaning doesn't it?

By: NoMich

NoMich — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:22:28 -0800

Oh man, look at the rear on that baby! Come to poppa!

By: ORthey

ORthey — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:29:15 -0800

...and gomichild takes and early lead!

By: skepticallypleased

skepticallypleased — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:31:39 -0800

Normal is really abnormal.

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:31:43 -0800

As if it weren't tabloidy enough, they insist on using BOLDED ALL CAPS for emphasis, so you know when to become shocked and appalled.

By: popechunk

popechunk — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:34:58 -0800

Here baby, splash a little of this stuff behind your ears...

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:35:12 -0800

Humper to bumper.

By: metasonix

metasonix — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:35:55 -0800

Why does this kind of thing horrify people? Sexual fetishes are quite commonplace. At least he's not raping children.

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:37:55 -0800

MetaFilter: Not raping children.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:38:42 -0800

As an aside, when someone asked me recently whether I had seen last year's "Best Picture," I responded that I refuse to see any movie called Crash unless it features James Spader humping a giant scar on Rosanna Arquette's leg.

By: nola

nola — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:39:55 -0800

nice.

By: e40

e40 — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:46:11 -0800

Best (only?) good thing about the article, I learned a new word: ... unlike doggers who have sex with strangers in chilly car parks. Interesting that we car-obsessed Americans don't have a word for it (or use the British version).

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:46:55 -0800

metasonix: "Why does this kind of thing horrify people? Sexual fetishes are quite commonplace." Who the hell is horrified?

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:51:01 -0800

One link. To The Sun. Consisting of "point and laugh at the diagnosed weirdo." This is good for MetaFilter, how exactly? I'm beginning to think you're rather inconsequential, inconsequentialist. TRY LESS HARDER.

By: Jikido

Jikido — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:56:31 -0800

Does insurance pay when one hits it ?

By: Sticherbeast

Sticherbeast — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 11:58:13 -0800

In the Warren Ellis's Two-Step, there is a gentleman who has sex with cars until they explode. Also, welcome to Fark.

By: tapeguy

tapeguy — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:04:16 -0800

I found his blogspot.com blog, his wordpress blog and his flickr account. Quite the Web 2.0 pervert.

By: Tube

Tube — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:04:31 -0800

I suspect this is a hoax, but years ago the Journal of Forensic Science published "The Love Bug" by J.C. Rupp, about an airline pilot who chained himself to a VW Bug, which he put on "auto pilot" and pulled him around in circles. He died when the chain got wrapped in the rear wheel and asphyxiated him.

By: monju_bosatsu

monju_bosatsu — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:06:54 -0800

Heh.

By: wfc123

wfc123 — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:08:40 -0800

Please to tell me where is "poosy magnet"...?

By: eperker

eperker — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:20:33 -0800

Here's a short film on the subject.

By: CKmtl

CKmtl — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:22:34 -0800

gomichild: Gives car jacking a whole new meaning doesn't it? And "junk in the trunk".

By: eperker

eperker — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:24:03 -0800

And "blowing a gasket."

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:26:33 -0800

His weird obsession mirrors that of electrician Karl Watkins, who The Sun revealed was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993. Ummm, okay... "KARL WATKINS, 20, appeared at Hereford Crown Court in February 1993 on five counts of outraging public decency: in particular, making love to pavements. Watkins claimed it was a case of mistaken identity, but he was fingered many times as the man found face down on the paving stones with his pants round his ankles. One boy told of seeing Watkins's bare backside moving up and down, while a mother said she was shocked to see a group of children gathered round him. He also attempted to mount an underpass. How he passed the time during his 18 month jail sentence is far from clear. Watkins was back in court in April 1995, on charges of simulating sex with black plastic dustbin bags in front of teenage schoolgirls. He revealed a nine-year fetish with the plastic sacks, centred on the "feel and touch of the bin liners". He went out at night to spend his time in rubbish piles, and had been found in wheelie bins, and even in the back of dust-carts. His ultimate sexual fantasy was to be in a dust-cart when the bin bags were crushed. Convicted of outraging public decency, he was put on three years' probation and ordered to seek psychiatric help."

By: Justinian

Justinian — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:26:54 -0800

And "fucking a car."

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:41:32 -0800

Oh, gomichild.

By: nosocks

nosocks — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 12:52:34 -0800

Wouldn't there be chafing?

By: Anything

Anything — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:00:01 -0800

"Pull up to my bumper baby..."

By: The Tensor

The Tensor — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:08:30 -0800

Best part: "I love all aspects of cars. Some people even like to taste mechanical fluids, but that's going too far." Yeah. Those people are obviously perverts. No matter how low we sink, we're always looking for someone lower to sneer at. The question is, where does this guy fall into the Geek Hierarchy? Do the Slash Furries finally have somebody to look down on? [Now playing: "Car Song" by Elastica]

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:34:17 -0800

George LeBay: Her name's Christine. Arnie Cunningham: I like that. Dennis Guilder: Come on Arnie, we gotta get goin', huh? George LeBay: My asshole brother bought her back in September '57. That's when you got your new model year, in September. Brand-new, she was. She had the smell of a brand-new car. That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for pussy.

By: Clay201

Clay201 — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:35:25 -0800

I do know a woman who gets aroused by cars and motorcycles; driving them, working on them, etc. She's a mechanic. She didn't mention anything about actually having sex with one, but, then, it never occurred to me to ask.

By: Skygazer

Skygazer — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:42:06 -0800

and "pass me me the KY I wanna bone my toyota"

By: squidfartz

squidfartz — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:51:22 -0800

If I'm attracted to female robots (gynoids) does that count?

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:54:49 -0800

Warm Leatherette See the breaking glass In the underpass See the breaking glass In the underpass Warm leatherette Hear the crushing steel Feel the steering wheel Hear the crushing steel Feel the steering wheel Warm leatherette Warm leatherette Warm leatherette Melts on your burning flesh You can see your reflection In the luminescent dash Warm leatherette A tear of petrol Is in your eye The hand brake Penetrates your thigh Quick -- Let's make love Before you die On warm leatherette Warm leatherette Warm leatherette Warm leatherette Warm leatherette Join the car crash set © Daniel Miller 1978

By: delmoi

delmoi — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 13:59:41 -0800

Why does this kind of thing horrify people? Sexual fetishes are quite commonplace. I don't know if the car thing horrifies people, but I think most people have an instinctive, "built in" aversion to any kind of sex they don't find "normal." That's why they have such a visceral reaction to homosexuality or other fetishes if they're not familiar with it.

By: sourwookie

sourwookie — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:01:15 -0800

Damn. I was going to post "Warm Leatherette."

By: serazin

serazin — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:04:15 -0800

I really don't like this post. It's one tabloid article about a sexual fetish. So what? Ha ha, people with fetishes are so weird.

By: DU

DU — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:04:24 -0800

Not an aversion so much as a larff. I mean...sex. With a car.

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:11:39 -0800

no larffs. tihs is seriuos!!!11

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:44:31 -0800

Of course, by the tenets of New Media Logic, everyone in here whom has defended the carhumper or otherwise said "So? They have a fetish." is obviously a total pervert. So, let's go out to a club, hey? We can ditch these squares and go have some fun.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 14:59:44 -0800

I won't hump a Hummer, put my phallus in a Pallas, my dick in a Duster, or bugger the Rugger. The Edsel's grille will not muster a thrill. Neither Ascot nor Escort give me sexual transport. Screaming "Hyundai!" at climax just ain't how a guy acts. My dong in a Bongo seems exceedingly wrongo. Breaking Datsun's Cherry ain't my cup of sherry. I'm a regular bloke and I like a good poke. But I'd put my weenie in a red Lamborghini.

By: Lentrohamsanin

Lentrohamsanin — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:18:47 -0800

Chris, who lives in the West Country, has made love to top motors including a Bentley Arnage, Porsche and Jaguar XK8. Well it makes a change from buying a top motor as a penis replacement.

By: Parannoyed

Parannoyed — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:34:08 -0800

WGP wins 3 interwebs.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:39:17 -0800

The machine of a dream Such a clean machine With the pistons a pumpin And the hub caps all gleam When Im holdin your wheel All I hear is your gear When my hands on your grease gun Oh its like a disease son Im in love with my car Gotta feel for my automobile Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar Such a thrill when your radials squeal Told my girl Ill have to forget her Rather buy me a new carburetor So she made tracks sayin This is the end now Cars dont talk back Theyre just four wheeled friends now When Im holdin your wheel All I hear is your gear When Im cruisin in overdrive Dont have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive Im in love with my car Gotta feel for my automobile Im in love with my car String back gloves in my automolove

By: ELF Radio

ELF Radio — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:42:37 -0800

The machine of a dream, such a clean machine, With the pistons a pumpin', and the hubcaps all gleam. When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, When my hand's on your grease gun, Oh it's like a disease son, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar, Such a thrill when your radials squeal. Told my girl I just had to forget her, Rather buy me a new cartburetor, So she made tracks sayin' ths is the end now, Cars don't talk back they're just four wheeled friends now, When I'm holding your wheel, All I hear is your gear, When I'm cruisin' in overdrive, Don't have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive, I'm in love with my car, gotta feel for my automobile, I'm in love with my car, string back gloves in my automolove! -- I'm in Love With my Car. Queen ( Roger Taylor ), 1975.

By: ELF Radio

ELF Radio — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:43:09 -0800

psmealey, Drat!!!!

By: jimmythefish

jimmythefish — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 15:47:22 -0800

He must get exhausted.

By: pineapple

pineapple — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:03:56 -0800

That's why they have such a visceral reaction to homosexuality or other fetishes if they're not familiar with it.

In case this wasn't sarcasm, homosexuality is not a fetish. A fetish must be sexual interest or activity directed at a non-sexual object or non-sexual body part. Attraction to someone of the same gender does not constitute a fetish.

By: inconsequentialist

inconsequentialist — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:11:52 -0800

That's why they have such a visceral reaction to homosexuality or other fetishes if they're not familiar with it. I don't think it was intended as sarcasm but I also don't think it was meant to be read as saying that homosexuality is a fetish. Or at least it doesn't have to be read that way. You could read the sentence as saying that people have visceral reactions to homosexuality and fetishes other than being attracted to motors.

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:31:18 -0800

SHE BEING BRAND she being Brand -new;and you know consequently a little stiff i was careful of her and(having thoroughly oiled the universal joint tested my gas felt of her radiator made sure her springs were O. K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her up,slipped the clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she kicked what the hell)next minute i was back in neutral tried and again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing(my lev-er Right- oh and her gears being in A 1 shape passed from low through second-in-to-high like greasedlightning)just as we turned the corner of Divinity avenue i touched the accelerator and give her the juice,good (it was the first ride and believe i we was happy to see how nice she acted right up to the last minute coming back down by the Public Gardens i slammed on the internalexpanding & externalcontracting brakes Bothatonce and brought allofher tremB -ling to a:dead. stand- ;Still) --e. e. cummings

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:32:33 -0800

Here in my car I feel safest of all. I can lock all my doors. It's the only way to live. In Cars.

By: maryh

maryh — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 16:40:24 -0800

Well at least he's not a furry. *turns head in disgust, spits on ground*

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 17:27:29 -0800

yeah, furries are pretty gross.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 17:38:05 -0800

I advise this man Chris to take note of the Triple-A handbook; I quote: Keep the lube nice and thick While you're dipping your stick If it seizes, that's all that she wrote.

By: rob511

rob511 — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 17:51:25 -0800

Get a horse!

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 17:55:44 -0800

Antifreeze, replied Chris with a wink Is important to check, don't you think? Whenever I'm boppin' I take time to drop in My balls and see how many sink

By: dhartung

dhartung — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 19:04:52 -0800

unlike doggers who have sex with strangers in chilly car parks. Interesting that we car-obsessed Americans don't have a word for it (or use the British version) I have wondered about this for some time. The practice is clearly common in the UK and France (that Catherine Millet book). It's not just that Americans don't have a word for it, apparently Americans don't do it enough to have a word for it. Considering the wide variety of kink it's relatively easy to find on these shores, should one be so inclined (as long as you don't marry it, you know), this is odd. Is there some sort of social barrier in Europe it's more important to break?

By: AwkwardPause

AwkwardPause — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 20:00:16 -0800

*cough* [nsfw]

By: popechunk

popechunk — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 20:20:25 -0800

Thank god for the image ban. That was pretty bad, AP.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 20:41:27 -0800

I don't know what was worse. The picture itself or the fact he doesn't really look like he's enjoying himself all that much.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 21:05:05 -0800

It's kind of sad that he's taken down his blogs because of the Sun article. It's ok, car loving dude! Have no shame, this is the INTERWEBS! Quit your day job and blog about how you screw your Toyota!

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 21:21:56 -0800

From the link below that lovely image: "Never do anything with the tailpipe while the engine is on!" You know... sometimes I'm just so relieved that I'm a woman and that we don't even find a need to THINK of sentences like this.

By: inconsequentialist

inconsequentialist — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 21:31:50 -0800

You know... sometimes I'm just so relieved that I'm a woman and that we don't even find a need to THINK of sentences like this. Well, we certainly don't need to think too much about sticking something into the exhuast.

By: advil

advil — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 00:33:50 -0800

*cough* [nsfw] nsf much of anything, actually.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 01:37:13 -0800

I can't unsee that, AwkwardPause. You're pretty close to eponysterical, there.

By: pax digita

pax digita — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 04:43:02 -0800

There was one room in her house that was always kept locked... It was the garage! I don't want your love I don't want your money I just want the key to your Ferrari Don't want your bed I don't want your body I want the key to your Ferrari I'm gonna rip it - shine it - rev it - scoot it - skid it - jam it - rev it - skip it - gun it Up and down the 101 Don't want your love Don't want your money, girl I said all I want is the key to your Ferrari And then I saw her... she was a bright red '64 GTO with fins and gills like some giant piranha fish, some obscene phallic symbol on wheels... little rivers of anticipation ran down my inseam as I kicked those five hundred italian horses into life and left reality behind me: fifty, sixty, seventy miles an hour... my hand slipped inside the belt of my trousers as we passed eighty, ninety miles an hour... my hand slipped inside the belt of my trousers and as we hit the magic 100 my love exploded all over her bright pink leather interior... and at that moment, I thought of my mother... Don't need no drugs Don't need no liquor All I want is the key to your Ferrari You ruby lips - pa! Your perfect figure - ecch! I just want the key to your Ferrari I'm gonna rev it - jam it - scram it - rip it - tear it - bare it - ram it - repair it - scoot it Up and down the 101 Don't want your love Don't want your money, girl I said all I want is the key to your Ferrari He's gonna rev it - scoot it - skid it - rev it - skip it - gun it - brake it - zoom it - vacuum it Up and down the 101 Don't want your love Don't want your money, girl I said all I want is the key to your Ferrari I just want the key to your Ferrari (cause aliens ate my buick...) -- Thomas Dolby

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 07:44:52 -0800

Chris believes one spark for his fetish was the 1980s cult TV series Knight Rider, starring David Hasselhoff and featuring a talking car.

By: winks007

winks007 — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 08:29:08 -0800

Passenger by The Deftones: Deftones - White Pony Passenger. Rating: 10.00 hear I lay still and breathless just like always still I want some more mirrors sideways who cares what's behind just like always still your passenger chrome buttons, buckles and leather surfaces these and other lucky witnesses now to calm me take me around again drive faster roll the windows down this cool night air is curious let the whole world look in who cares who sees anything I'm your passenger I'm your passenger drop these down and put them on me nice cool seats there to cushion your knees now to calm me take me around again just don't pull over this time would you please drive faster roll the windows down this cool night air is curious let the whole world look in who cares who sees what tonight roll these misty windows down to catch my breath again and then go and go and go just drive me home then back again here I lay just like always don't let me go take me to the edge In the car yessiree, w/ the car, not so much.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 09:02:50 -0800

Metafilter: we post song lyrics.

By: nickyskye

nickyskye — Mon, 12 Mar 2007 15:39:21 -0800

Takes pimp my ride to a whole 'nother level.