Comments on: There once was a girl named Lenore

There once was a girl named Lenore

SansPoint — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:21:28 -0800

Famous Poems Rewritten as Limericks , as brought to us by our very own Lore Sjöberg. English majors, begin your griping now.

By: DU

DU — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:31:02 -0800

A brilliant idea, but the meter is so poor it is almost ruined.

By: DoctorFedora

DoctorFedora — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:33:24 -0800

More like "English majors, start your applause."

By: honest knave

honest knave — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:34:49 -0800

Eep. You're not kidding, Du. Note that some of these limericks are not just rewritten, but rather that the story of their composition is told.

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:46:42 -0800

Oh, the metre really is duff. Anyhow, I am taking this as an invitation to attempt something equally as bad: Dover Beach One night on a walk by the shore, Arnold heard something odd in the roar. This set him to bleating That Faith was retreating, And that nothing was nice any more.

By: Jimbob

Jimbob — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:47:40 -0800

Neat. Wish there was more. Anyone want to try one for "Dulce et Decorum Est"?

By: crocomancer

crocomancer — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 05:56:05 -0800

The Wasteland Limericks - Wendy Cope

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:03:17 -0800

Dulce et Decorum Est The death of a comrade from gas, Led young Owen to cry out, "Alas, this is nasty and gory, there's nothing of glory, and Horace talked out of his ass."

By: biffa

biffa — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:03:41 -0800

I'll give it a go Jimbob, but I think my sentences are too long. For a poet called Wilf the scene could have been bespoke. An over tired soldier dying choke by choke If you could see his nasty death, out there in the mud It probably wouldn't do your dreams any kind of good, and might make glorious nationalism something of a joke.

By: flashboy

flashboy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:03:42 -0800

Pah! The man brings a couplet like "There was an old father of Dylan/Who was seriously, mortally illin'" and all you do is complain about the meter? Have you no sense of gratitude?

By: TedW

TedW — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:12:08 -0800

There were some young men in the mud, All around were artillery thuds. One of them died, They tossed him aside, And thought man, this war is a dud

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:13:11 -0800

Eh, more of a Stevens man, myself. The muscular one liked to whip The wenches while dawdling let slip With sheet so embroidered Unseemly reconnoitred The empress of ice-cream let rip.

By: Jofus

Jofus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:15:11 -0800

Dulce et decorum's the story, So they say viz pro patria mori. But the gas and the fumbling And the froth and the stumbling Rather robs a young man of his glory. C+. Needs work.

By: plinth

plinth — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:17:11 -0800

Reminds me of the time I pissed off my high school English teacher by choosing to write a summaries of Oedipus Rex ad Antigone in limerick form. She was unimpressed at the effort it took to accurately represent an entire Greek tragedy in 5 lines.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:25:03 -0800

"Poor Mariner, ruined and wrecked Are you wiser for taking your trek?" "Yes, I learned not to cross Any old albatross That happens to poop on my deck."

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:26:04 -0800

I liked 'em. Good stuff, Lore. There once was an Italian Poet/ who journeyed through hell and then wrote it/ His trip was led by Virgil/ and was quite dreary to tell/ And has ever been the bane of Crit. Lit.

By: flashboy

flashboy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:34:08 -0800

Less of a rewrite, more of a response... Having popped to fridge for a bite I announce that I intend to fight Any poet who bums Another man's plums. Forgive? Will I bollocks, you shite.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:37:02 -0800

Heard a mighty old patriot opine 'Martyr for the country, it's so fine!' The son's burned and retching Banshee screams, quite fetching Nobly dying, forgotten next time.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:38:45 -0800

Abiezer ftw.

By: creasy boy

creasy boy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:39:11 -0800

The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock There will be time for a middle-aged twit, Some yellow fog & an existentialist fit. This is all a facade, I am pinned to a fraud, And those mermaids, they don't give a shit.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:41:35 -0800

This note on the fridge is to say That those ripe plums that you put away Well, I ate them last night They tasted all right Plus I slept with your sister. M'kay?

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:43:27 -0800

PS I would buy this book in an instant.

By: SansPoint

SansPoint — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:45:00 -0800

There was a warrior by the name of 'Wulf Who fought a monster, nail and tooth He kept the thing's arm But when a dragon did him harm He was burned up in a fiery poof

By: nax

nax — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:45:27 -0800

Turned on its head it's a parlor game (Add it to the list). Read the limerick, name the poem. Thanks for a great early morning laugh (especially I Wandered Lonely as as Cloud. I spit my coffee all over the keyboard.)

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:48:33 -0800

They charged without pause for discussion To the tune of the cannons' percussion And the score, as you know, Was six hundred or so Summarily slaughtered by Russians

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:48:58 -0800

I thought Robert Service's poems were limericks.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:54:01 -0800

I came to a fork in the wood Two paths there, one crappy, one good I chose the baddun I wish that I haddun Cos now I am stuck in the mud

By: phong3d

phong3d — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:57:20 -0800

In lieu of original thoughts Of affection I feel I ought To compare your good qualities Tith girlish frivolities Like roses or sugar, whatnot.

By: phong3d

phong3d — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:58:22 -0800

D'oh... fourth line should be "With". Oh well.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:04:05 -0800

A singer asks you how it feels To be scrounging for your next meal That's not the right tack To get you in the sack So just take everything you can steal

By: flashboy

flashboy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:06:46 -0800

To the works of the heavenly choir No mere mortal could ever aspire. There's just one thing, dear Lord, That I fear you've ignored: I think that my tiger's on fire.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:11:18 -0800

Anarchy has been released The good ones are worse than the least The bird's hearing stinks And then there's a sphinx Congrats on your new baby beast!

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:23:35 -0800

You're hot like a long day in Summer. Which won't last - yeah, I know, what a bummer. But fear not the time! For I've made this rhyme. Now, what's me chances of getting a hummer?

By: hangashore

hangashore — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:34:25 -0800

Nevermore nevermore nevermore Nevermore nevermore nevermore Nevermore nevermore Nevermore nevermore Nevermore nevermore nevermore Oh. Er. Damn.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:34:40 -0800

Father, there on your sad height Don't go gentle into that night-- Though whether to rage may depend on your age, certainly you've earned the right.

By: bibliowench

bibliowench — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:51:52 -0800

In Xanadu, there was this guy Built a pleasure dome for which to die It had rivers to Hades and mad singing ladies and then - oh man, I am so high

By: stevis23

stevis23 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:53:51 -0800

Should we also invert this, and write a sonnet about a man from Nantucket?

By: biffa

biffa — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:56:09 -0800

Was six hundred or so Summarily slaughtered by Russians Hate to be picky, but casualties amongst the light brigade were at about 55%.

By: Foosnark

Foosnark — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 07:58:49 -0800

I set out on the road in a hurry For I had the desire for some curry But along came this dude, "Name's Death," his lips spewed, "I've stopped, since you're in a flurry." There once was a poet named Jarell Who wrote of a man in great peril There's lots of jobs funner Than the ball-turret gunner Whose death came out of a barrel.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:03:49 -0800

In Xanadu, Kubla Khan's law Caused a Pleasure Dome's towers to soar Its lintels and newels Were covered with jewels And -- SHIT, there's someone at the door.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:12:13 -0800

Listen, baby, I'd go by the book I'd give you some chat by the brook Admire your bits And flatter your tits But time's short and I'm hard. So let's fuck. With many apologies to Andrew Marvell.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:12:38 -0800

Thank the great Khan that I had only started thinking about my own "And -- oops, let me just get the door." version of that poem when I read unSane's.

By: bovious

bovious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:17:30 -0800

I've seen worse, much worse meter & rhyme in so-called "limericks." Lore obviously knows, at least, what a limerick is, which is more than I can say for many who attempt them online. Anywhoo: At brillig, a guy went galumphing The Jabberwock's head to be hunting. He carried the day With "calloo" and "callay" As reward for the fell beast's neck-blunting.

By: bashos_frog

bashos_frog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:20:22 -0800

A father once spoke to his child, of being neither too tame nor too wild, and keeping your head when others have fled and becoming a Man. Then he smiled.

By: flashboy

flashboy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:20:47 -0800

A troupe of transsexual warlocks, A eunuch, a clown, and some morlocks: These folks, to a man Were not in Kubla Khan And the fault is entirely Porlock's Sorry.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:23:19 -0800

The thing with feathers is hope His song always helps me to cope He sings it the best When things are a best But I still sit here in my room and mope.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:24:09 -0800

Ack! "When things are a mess" fourth line

By: bashos_frog

bashos_frog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:24:49 -0800

Out of the blackness of night I thank the gods for my might I haven't cried aloud, I am bloody but unbowed 'cause *I'm* the boss of me, alright? (this is fun)

By: bashos_frog

bashos_frog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:25:58 -0800

And I would buy the book in a second, too.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:26:27 -0800

Sweet fancy Moses, you've unleashed the beast with your post. Have mercy on our souls...

By: L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:27:21 -0800

Hey, neat, front page. Let's see, meter, meter. I guess the second and third leading ands in "The Raven" are a bit klunky. And apparently I was pronouncing "seriously" as "SEER-yus-lee" in my head. Anything else I'm missing?

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:29:51 -0800

Said a tourist from Egypt's old land, "A statue lies wrecked in the sand. That king of kings, Oz, Is forgotten because Things didn't turn out as he'd planned."

By: bovious

bovious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:29:55 -0800

Don't sweat it, Lore. Just google "limericks" and see what other folks have wrought when they thought they were wroughting limericks.

By: taliaferro

taliaferro — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:36:11 -0800

There once was a man who was doubting Who saw a great bird fly about him. The bird caught on fire, And then it expired, And then bled all over the mountain. (The Windhover, Hopkins)

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:38:30 -0800

When I was too busy to die, I hitchhiked a ride with some guy. He drove me through life Like I was his wife And time passed in the blink of an eye.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:42:34 -0800

The Assyrians, running amok Wore purple and gold as they struck But the Angel of Death Gave a soul-chilling breath; Sennacherib was totally fucked

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:43:04 -0800

The month they call April is cruel It makes you an impotent fool, And bums out a poet Who goes on to blow it By thinking allusions are cool.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:47:18 -0800

You don't do, you don't do, you don't do Ted's found someone else he can screw I feel like a Jew On a Dachau choo-choo Got it, Daddy? I'm looking at you.

By: steef

steef — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:48:59 -0800

There once was a young man named Reed whom the Army attempted to lead, but the parts of a rifle were merely a trifle when compared to the birds and the bees.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:50:15 -0800

The west wind autumnally blows It brings the dead year to a close Its help I am needin' So I can stop bleedin' And spring will come soon, I suppose

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:52:12 -0800

Well this sure beats the whole "birthing live rabbits" thing... ;)

By: Orange Pamplemousse

Orange Pamplemousse — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:52:19 -0800

The Road Not Taken There once was a fork in the wood, And long in decision I stood. Both wanted wear, And both were quite fair, Yet take the less traveled I would.

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:52:55 -0800

I watched as the fort failed to fall With its flag flowing freely and tall And it always reminded We're real symbol-minded. America rules! Now, play ball!

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:54:58 -0800

One day in the Metro in France I fell into some kind of trance I thought people's noses Were pansies and roses Or that's how they looked at first glance.

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:56:16 -0800

This jar is the best Greeks could make For showing mad hotties mid-shake And true, that's pretty cool But doesn't prove a rule Or we'd claim the same for Cobrasnake.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:57:49 -0800

Today we have naming of parts And the fellow next to me, he farts. What the fuck is this pin? Who am I? Gunga Din? It's not fair! I'm a Master of Arts!

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:58:58 -0800

Darn, someone else got there!

By: Esoquo

Esoquo — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 08:59:02 -0800

So much depends on a barrow It's red like a bitchin camaro It's drippin with water This poem is slaughtered Oh crap!-chickens!, as white as bone marrow

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:02:12 -0800

I come to deep-six brother Caesar Not praise the ambitious old geezer His good's good as gone Yet his evil lives on ('Cause we stashed his dead bones in the freezer)

By: cerebus19

cerebus19 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:03:56 -0800

My kids just said "You're so silly, Dad," Which sad to say made me really mad. I've rhymed Homer's Odyssey With lossy and Goddess-y, But I can't find a rhyme for his Iliad.

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:06:37 -0800

We're mustring' that lance ounce of grit On our boat which survived every hit. Now the coastline's appearing! A crowd's there- it's cheering! O Captain, we're home!... Oh. Well, shit.

By: es_de_bah

es_de_bah — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:08:36 -0800

c. marlowe says: cum lih' wit me en be me' luv an' we wil sum noo plejures pruv all fuckin in streams fields an' mountains en trees while me prog makes ye think i'm all smuv walter releigh replied: if i was a nit of 14 i might wanna hump in a stream but you're just an old goat who wants in pettycoats and my knickers you ain't gon' be see'ng and then john donne was all: ah screw all this mess, let's go fishing i'll stretch metaphors with your permission you're the hook and the bait i'm a fish who can't wait to get caught up in any position

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:08:36 -0800

There once was a fellow named me A son of Manhattan, you see I sing in free verse 'n' Stick just to first person: I am what I are what I be.

By: hydrophonic

hydrophonic — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:09:30 -0800

A man from an ancient land Rates tourism there as bland There ain't much to view A broken statue Is all that's left in the sand

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:13:29 -0800

I hate and I love, oh it's true It's excruciating to know you But Lesbia, dear Let me be clear I wanna fuck till we're both black and blue My Lesbia's has a sparrow she kisses and licks It repays her by doing all kinds of tricks To understand the attention She gives it, I should mention That "sparrow" is the name of my dick

By: Terminal Verbosity

Terminal Verbosity — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:13:59 -0800

That's my ex in the painting your eye sees I must say, she was too easy to please She loved everyone So her life now is done Now, will your daughter give head on her knees?

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:14:42 -0800

God tells Abraham, "Kill your son." (The version you know? Not this one.) When God orders, "Belay!" Isaac still he does slay And half Europe's men, just for fun.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:17:42 -0800

Her eyes sparkle, but not like sunlight She's no angel, plus sometimes we fight She has prettier peers, But by god, who cares? When I'm with her, life is just right.

By: wanderingmind

wanderingmind — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:18:00 -0800

After spending two decades of life Fighting Trojans and monsters and strife Odysseus's mission Had just one ambition: To slay the guys screwing his wife.

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:20:48 -0800

Ooh! Ooh! I thought of another one. There once was a man, Paul Verlaine Who said: "In my heart there falls rain" He said this in the jail He'd been sent to without bail For having a certain young boy on the brain.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:22:00 -0800

Silent melodies, ancient and terse Sing sweeter than modern day verse I curse my own pen, For somehow since then We've taken an urn for the worse

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:22:29 -0800

"If these drinks- and my heart- so behooves it, I'll draw you the bitch who removed it!" With considerable pain He depicted a dame A guy could die for- then he proved it. This is way too much fun.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:24:19 -0800

There once was a phenomenal woman All the menfolk around her were swarmin' Stylish and free Phenomenally Then she got to inaugurate Clinton.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:25:13 -0800

There once was a boy named Don Juan (Which rhymes not with "con" but with "bruin") This innocent lad Became such a cad He filled hundreds of cantos with screwin'

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:27:25 -0800

Man! This is a ton fun! On their way to Canterbury some folks Met in a bar and shared a few jokes The writer, his energy depleted The story never completed Because he spent all his time having tokes

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:29:43 -0800

We've taken an urn for the worse I hate you. I love you. I hate you. I love you.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:34:11 -0800

The best minds of my generation Went crazy all over the nation With lots of Molochs And assholes and cocks And what's with the Rockland fixation?

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:37:20 -0800

The redcoats hoped to get the jump By tying poor Bess to a stump She alerted her lover- A thief like no other With a bang. What a way to get dumped.

By: Terminal Verbosity

Terminal Verbosity — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:37:28 -0800

What sort of twisted diety Would create a monster like thee? Sharp teeth and nail A whip-like tail Tyger, in my pants you just made me pee.

By: bokane

bokane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:38:53 -0800

There was this chick Helen, a floozy Whose looks made once-mighty men woozy. So they fought and they fit And they scratched and they bit. As battles go, it was a doozy. Sing, Muse, of Achilleus' rage (as recounted by unsighted sage). Thanks to his wounded pride Countless Myrmidons died -- And he snuffed it himself, though offstage.

By: Esoquo

Esoquo — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:42:31 -0800

Rose is a rose is a rose. No, a rose is a rose is a rose! But the rose is a rose, And Rose is a rose So Rose is a rose is a rose.

By: The Confessor

The Confessor — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:42:51 -0800

My personal favorite, and the one poem I would choose to memorize if I had the self-discipline Lady of Shalott A lady once lived in Shalott Cursed to weave a whole lot But she lived thus 'ere long 'Til she heard errant song From that rat bastard Lancelot In a serendipitous boat To old Camelot she did float When Lancelot did inquire Had she not been expired She'd say 'It's your fucking fault, you old goat.'

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:43:58 -0800

Aeneas was a dutiful stiff That roamed (Rome-d?) for a while in a skiff Met a hot chick on the coast But bugged out of her roast Though I think he caught him a whiff.

By: McLir

McLir — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:44:14 -0800

In a poem celebrating the bell Words onomatopoetically swell By inducing a jingle They seduce and then tingle Till we wonder if we're living in Hell

By: Electrius

Electrius — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:47:47 -0800

There once was a critter named Tiger Who was, by repute, quite the fighter The poet can't believe That God made it and Eve And he comments at length on its biters.

By: Terminal Verbosity

Terminal Verbosity — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:49:14 -0800

My liver's bursting and I've got the flu My ears are bleeding and my nose is too Just one second there, friend You say it's the weekend? Pssh, I'm going out to hang with my crew!

By: bovious

bovious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:51:24 -0800

The Millionaire, storm-tossed and brave, Reminded the Skipper (the knave!) "A three hour tour! A three hour tour!" But the Minnow, alas, was not saved.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:51:33 -0800

There once was a girl from Shallott Who loved her some Sir Lancelot, Snuffed it in a canoe As her mirror broke in two; Then quoth Lance, "For a corpse, she's teh hawt."

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:52:23 -0800

Dang, beat me to it, Confessor.

By: bovious

bovious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:53:40 -0800

A mountain man, steadfast and true, Was shooting his gun at some food. He hit oil instead And moved his homestead To Beverly Hills, 902'.

By: ikebowen

ikebowen — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 09:55:19 -0800

My inner Robert Graves just died a little.

By: The Confessor

The Confessor — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:00:38 -0800

FelliniBlank Your interpretation was far superior, however. T'would delete mine, if I could.

By: steef

steef — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:11:30 -0800

What the fuck is this pin? Who am I? Gunga Din? unSane, your version has the benefit of being hys-frickin'-terical.

By: hydrophonic

hydrophonic — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:14:15 -0800

Chicago, you toddling town There's crime, but I won't feel down 'Cause you move our freight Your shoulders are great For vigor, you're much renown'd

By: pokeydonut

pokeydonut — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:18:18 -0800

While other men sleep, drink and revel, You and I go to face the French devil. They'll regret it someday When they realize that they Could have +5'ed their Honor Rank Level.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:19:07 -0800

John Milton, whose metre still shines Told how, midst prelapsian vines Eve ate the fruit And God gave them the boot But the Devil got all the best lines.

By: Citizen Premier

Citizen Premier — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:22:59 -0800

I saw the best minds of my generation Undergo a terrible degeneration And you'd see this facade Is a terrible God If you'd just share some of my medication.

By: bibliowench

bibliowench — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:23:33 -0800

You neurosis, your foibles, your hating All resulted from your parents' mating This abomination Affects each generation So above all, avoid procreating.

By: Pallas Athena

Pallas Athena — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:23:47 -0800

Like the night, in her beauty she strides In the darkness her light is my guide Her allure leaves me spent But she's still innocent (I'm Lord Byron, so trust me: I tried.)

By: kid ichorous

kid ichorous — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:25:29 -0800

grasshopper, e.e. cummings a creature of uPshifts and dash-es i caught it in: (tender parenthesis) but it threatenes to break out into 1337-speak for it scr(ambles) my typeWriter's keyses

By: djgh

djgh — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:25:46 -0800

There once was a man named Will Who could write with incredible skill, He made skilfull allusions But there was much confusion Whether his love was a boy or a girl.

By: djgh

djgh — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:26:30 -0800

Dammit, repeated use of variant of skill. Must. Re-read. Limerick. Before posting.

By: bokane

bokane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:35:00 -0800

A filial girl named Mulan Didn't want Dad to fight for the Khan. So she bought her a saddle And rode off to battle, The whole time disguised as a man.

By: gingerbeer

gingerbeer — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:35:58 -0800

The fog it may come and go On little cat's feet, don't you know Or so said the poet But I say "oh blow it" He never lived in San Francisco.

By: LucretiusJones

LucretiusJones — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:37:08 -0800

The worst month is April, it's true Life in death makes me so blue That though I refer to Some books, I prefer to Sing twit twit twit jug jug Tereu.

By: McLir

McLir — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:37:37 -0800

When Trickster arrived as a cat He brought mischief beneath his tall hat Then mayems ensue From Things One and Two And the stodgy old goldfish done shat

By: LucretiusJones

LucretiusJones — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:42:44 -0800

We are the men stuffed with cotton Our dried voices are hissing and rotten Between thought and act is A space with some cactus Without Dante, we'd all be forgotten.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:45:37 -0800

Dear reader, the smell in the air Is hashish. You're invited to share My dreams of the noose And mullato caboose Hypocrite! Mon semblable! Mon Frere!

By: Floydd

Floydd — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 10:55:55 -0800

It's best if you call me Ishmael With Ahab I sought the White Whale When it was found everyone drowned 'cept for me who brought you this tale.

By: L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:00:21 -0800

It's really neat to see all these poems. I say "see" rather than "read" because I'm honor-bound not to read them, in case I do a sequel.

By: McLir

McLir — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:06:02 -0800

Frosty poet John Shade was regaining His waxwing muse -- yet unattaining Melancholic and gin-soaked He was killed before Kinbote (But the comments are more entertaining)

By: bokane

bokane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:09:31 -0800

My late wife, now in coffin confined, In a vision appeared in my mind. She was robed all in white, Which shone though it was night -- Then I woke, and remembered: I'm blind.

By: hydrophonic

hydrophonic — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:10:37 -0800

Thinking about suicide, I list ways others have tried They're all quite gruesome! Well, win some, lose some For now, I'll put it aside

By: Pallas Athena

Pallas Athena — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:12:29 -0800

Turning thirty and lost in a wood, Can't escape-- but met Virgil, who could. Now I'm going through Hell For my dead teenage belle. Man, the payoff had better be good.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:23:11 -0800

'Neath the "Welcome to Death Valley" sign a bestial critter did dine He ate of his heart which surely was tart but not nearly as bitter as mine.

By: Esoquo

Esoquo — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:26:08 -0800

I could write much better limericks than all of you if I wasn't too busy criticizing yours. -Howard Bloom

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:28:52 -0800

Twelve weddings I saw from a train As it curled through the cows and the grain Under each hat The women were fat I think I'll vote Thatcher again

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:31:02 -0800

This party's like picking a scab Too much Michelangelo gab I'm scared to eat fruit And look thin in a suit I really should have been a crab

By: Narual

Narual — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:36:21 -0800

A rich man there was, name o' Corey A well dressed young chap, quite a Tory Though his prospects seemed bright on one calm summer night, the end of his tale proved quite gory. Some plums, in the icebox once were They were juicy and sweet, I am sure Don't tell me I'd hate 'em The fact is, I ate 'em Tough luck if that makes me a boor. All the whores and bartenders and clerks and the publishers, (man, are they jerks) still can't see the bird blue I would weep, if they knew, But the "whisky and cigarettes" works. Traitors, cowards, slaves mun flee Freemen stand, and on wi' me Now, the Bruce, follow o'er fields lang gone fallow Be we living or dead, we stand free! A bird and a cat in a boat bought a ring from a pig (not a goat) by a turkey, they wed and they took off to bed but that part's rather more than Lear wrote.

By: ORthey

ORthey — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:37:01 -0800

Leaves of grass, my ass Leaves of grass, my ass Damn you Walt Whitman Damn you Walt Whitman Leaves of grass my ass

By: misha

misha — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:38:11 -0800

Loved, loved, loved the "Do Not Go Gentle into that Good Night"! Fantastic. Yeah, the meter on the last one (with the piggy back ride) sucked, but that doesn't detract from the wealth. Thanks, Lore! (I know, I should be posting a limerick. Coming soon!)

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:40:24 -0800

A pro wrestler one third divine Sought and won a fabulous vine This weed gave life without end He wouldn't die like his friend! But a snake said, No, sssssir, that's mine.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:41:22 -0800

anyone's how town might be pretty to see but your description of it made no sense to me what the fuck were you smokin'? something of your's was broken its called the motherfucking shift key

By: baggers

baggers — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:48:08 -0800

Compare you to a summer's day? You're much nicer I, poet, say the rude wind shakes buds And death makes us duds But you'll be with me all the way (sorry, Will)

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:52:19 -0800

Let me count all the ways that I love you: To great depths and to heights far above you And when you're deceased, I expect, at the least, God will grant a few fond memories of you. Aw, that turned out kind of sweet.

By: kid ichorous

kid ichorous — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:54:32 -0800

The young won't get of my lawn in Ireland; my childhood's flown. So I'm sailing away To a place in Turk-ay: Club Med for the Golden Dawn

By: ramix

ramix — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 11:58:26 -0800

Someone please please do Elegy Written in a Country Churchyard. Pleeeeeeese.....!!!

By: Pallas Athena

Pallas Athena — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:01:27 -0800

I know I shall die in the skies, Though war is a thing I despise. Either way it's a loss For Kiltartan Cross... In the air I shall now vaporize.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:04:14 -0800

Alligator pie is so damn yummy That it's all that I want in my tummy If you take all my stuff I won't cry or be gruff Just keep your grubby hands off my alligator pie bucko!

By: wanderingmind

wanderingmind — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:08:37 -0800

Ramix: how about just the Epilogue? There once was an everyday guy - His virtues? I won't even try. He had, in the end, All he wished for: a friend; Now he's fled to the clouds in the sky.

By: kid ichorous

kid ichorous — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:14:05 -0800

the recipe thomas mallory used for the arthurian story: eighty percent jousting, fifteen percent boasting, and five percent damn allegory.

By: Pallas Athena

Pallas Athena — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:14:57 -0800

In the graveyard, now night's on the way I think upon those who decay. Some were lovely and young, Some were heroes unsung, But they're gone. As shall I be, someday.

By: McLir

McLir — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:18:02 -0800

Kinghood my birthright should gift me Shall I shed too too solid flesh swiftly? Or shall I suffer my portions Of outrageous fortunes? Well, if I die I'll take other folks with me

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:18:06 -0800

Ramix, I tried: Well, this cemetery's alright with me It's a quiet place, God knows, to be Whatever your life's lot There are worse places to rot Or jot down a memento mori.

By: Johnny Assay

Johnny Assay — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:34:35 -0800

A knight-errant, looking quite pale, Was asked, "Sir, from what do you ail?" "I've been duped by," said he, "La belle dame sans merci, And I fear I shall soon kick the pail." Rhyming "pail" with "pale" doesn't quite work, does it?

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:45:23 -0800

"My poor Cantos won't cohere I hate Jews, goddam, I swear; No, there's no struc- ture, it's all in flux [Insert pithy Chinese character here]."

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:49:49 -0800

OK sorry, I'll stop, but wow, this is a blast. And some of you guys are too clever by half.

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:50:46 -0800

Just now you are young, but in time you'll be 40 and hideously lined with wrinkles and so on. You'd better have children, or no one will know you were fine.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:51:32 -0800

Rhyming "pail" with "pale" doesn't quite work, does it? Just change "pale" to "frail," and you knock it outta the park.

By: bovious

bovious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:58:58 -0800

The weather, that day, it sure stank The water was cold, the wind frank In a storm, dark and gloomy On the great Gitche Gumme The Edmund Fitzgerald, it sank. (Repeat 500 times)

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 12:59:27 -0800

I'll only remedy transgresses. But saints don't succumb to promises. Even prayers to above? They might yield for god's love! Then in Heaven's name I take this kiss.

By: zeugitai_guy

zeugitai_guy — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:04:20 -0800

The Odyssey The Iliad

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:06:33 -0800

He snuck in her bedroom, the tw*t, And soon wished he hadn't. For *t Produced a discovery From which no recovery: A box full of Celia's sh*t.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:09:07 -0800

When Annabel started to sicken The angels made sure she was stricken Now I get so depressed That I just cannot rest 'Til I creep to her crypt for a quick 'n.

By: found missing

found missing — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:11:37 -0800

There once was a poem as lovely as a tree That is something you rarely see The bottom line was that trees are cool And, in contrast to poets, God is no fool And, by the way, Joyce Kilmer ain't a she

By: cerebus19

cerebus19 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:11:45 -0800

It must be all poets' duty To write about truth and beauty. Keats took his turn In an ode on an urn. Now: did he mean it, or didn't he?

By: rocket88

rocket88 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:13:33 -0800

In the wind, the answer is blowin' To all of life's questions worth knowin' Like "Who's wrong or right?" And "How long must we fight?" But first you must solve this Zen koan.

By: pb

pb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:13:38 -0800

next to some lovely white hens, I spotted a cart that had been- glazed by the rain, causing me to proclaim, upon this, so much depends!

By: Arturus

Arturus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:17:36 -0800

not really famous, but my favorite poem: Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town: Anyone had a real funny name Noone had her parents to blame it was a big mess; then they died, I guess But loved each other all the same

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:22:44 -0800

Sir Gawain imagined him dead When he cut off the green giant's head, But he refixed his noggin! (Apart from some snoggin' There's little else needs to be said.)

By: JHarris

JHarris — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:27:53 -0800

So, is Bad Gods the new Brunching Shuttlecocks?

By: Kattullus

Kattullus — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:29:37 -0800

"Beautiful railway bridge of the silv'ry Tay!" Recited Sir William Topaz McGonagall one day To a group of pretty young dames Who thought his lines quite lame And he didn't get laid for a very long time, I'm very sorry to say.

By: team lowkey

team lowkey — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:30:21 -0800

There once was a wheelbarrow red Upon which so much did depend. With water it glistened Beside the white chickens. I guess that means something. The end.

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:36:07 -0800

That was pretty meta, Kattullus. And will be remembered a very long time.

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:43:49 -0800

Hiawatha and Minnehaha got hitched by the shores of the goomy of gitch where they paddled canoes and wore doeskin shoes and hung out in wigwams and setch

By: LionIndex

LionIndex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:45:42 -0800

The world of dew's a world of dew. I'll say it again -- it's a world of dew. And yet and then yet, So yet and still yet, But is it really a world of dew? does the haiku-->limerick transition earn me bonus points?

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:45:49 -0800

Kattullus -- bravo. You would have made your namesake proud!

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:47:31 -0800

Yeah, I was trying to think of a way to get the joke last line of 'There was a young bard of Japan' into one of these, but it never occurred to me to use McGonagall. Brilliant!

By: hydrophonic

hydrophonic — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:49:03 -0800

Here's something I wish I'd read before I made my contributions above: Limerick Definition and Techniques When I was taught that limericks in grade school, the rule was lines 1, 2, and 5 had to have seven syllables, and lines 3 and 4 had to have five syllables. There was no mention of beats. Obviously this was wrong. Was anybody else taught this?

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:49:21 -0800

Plath's Ariel On my horse, which I ride quite well I try to escape from this hell Off into the sun Death, here I come! All this red? Oh shit, I fell.

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:51:41 -0800

Er, that should probably say Ariel by Plath. but yeah.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:55:49 -0800

The best minds of my generation Wound up in a bad situation. Sex, drugs and jazz Caused many to spazz And blame all their woes on our nation.

By: RobotHeart

RobotHeart — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 13:57:59 -0800

Mr. Death kindly stopped over-- We passed a hill covered in clover. It's been long since that day That I'd passed away-- A slant rhyme should do here-- whatever!

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:00:09 -0800

Ye Laurels I come to you once more. They found Lycidas dead by the shore He couldn't swim, which did him in Now let's mope with allusions galore!

By: RobotHeart

RobotHeart — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:00:13 -0800

hydrophonic, that sounds like a mixed-up Westernized tanka to me.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:01:21 -0800

You're laughing and pointing. I'm frowning. You see, I'm not waving, but drowning. I swam out too deep So save me, you creep! And stop all that infernal clowning!

By: Deathalicious

Deathalicious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:02:55 -0800

This poem is not based on anything, but it's a limerick I came up with years and years ago and I've always been fond of it:

There once was a very green Orange... Nothing rhymes with "orange". So I ended this poem, And it flew off to Rome, And when it got back -- it was orange!

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:06:06 -0800

Let me tot up the ways I love you, since I've got nothing better to do: let me see, you got deeply also widely and weepily and then all the ways listed in sonnets I - XLII

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:06:11 -0800

The day that Bill Yeats up and died The air was quite nippy outside. But poetry's silly It does nothing, really -- On second thought, scratch that; I lied.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:07:55 -0800

Should we also invert this, and write a sonnet about a man from Nantucket? Nantucket native Dick Soverilong Who, so endowed could pleasure take at will, Would oft the praises of his massive schlong Proclaim till all around had had their fill. Like an asylum inmate he would grin And pantomime the snack he held in store; Then make a show of wiping off his chin, Till none in town could take it anymore. The final straw, a boast for all to hear: That he could plant a seed within his womb If such were present just behind his ear- And so he sewed the seeds of his own doom. The vicar said, "If I may be so blunt, You've pretty much just proved yourself a cunt."

By: L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg

L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:08:27 -0800

Bad Gods is not the new Brunching Shuttlecocks as such, but it is where I'm putting up a variety of new humor on what's shaping up to be a regular basis, so it's Brunching-esque.

By: Deathalicious

Deathalicious — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:10:12 -0800

Oh, and 100 points to whoever can make a limerick out of this gem.

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:12:35 -0800

Outside, it's all pretty much snow Inside, all the nice stuff you know But I'm a long-winded git So you may well regret Eschewing the snow for what you know. Apologies to J.G. Whittier.

By: cerebus19

cerebus19 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:13:28 -0800

St. Nick stopped by Christmas Eve, And several nice toys he did leave, But reindeer poop Is stuck to our stoop And the smell is like none you'd believe.

By: RobotHeart

RobotHeart — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:19:33 -0800

I feel emo, and life is most shitty, But most methods, I think, aren't pretty. Guns aren't lawful; Gas stinks something awful. Guess I'll live on and keep being witty. (Apologies to D. Parker)

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:21:29 -0800

There once were three mice who were blind And found themselves in quite a bind An armed lass of low station Performed amputations Now their tails they are looking to find

By: The White Hat

The White Hat — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:33:07 -0800

116. Let me not admit blocks to true lovers Love's not love when it changes for others. It's a star to a ship-- Hey, you birds, here's a tip: Soon your hair will be gray as your mothers'.

By: RobotHeart

RobotHeart — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:34:16 -0800

I've explored you, but now you're sleepy. I'm inspired! I've written this plea Too indecent to print, But I'm not quite yet spent: I'm nude, babe, and so should you be! (To His Mistress Going to Bed, Donne... not so good because the emPHAsis is wrong in the first line, grr. Anyone have a suggestion?)

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:34:56 -0800

You may thing the St Ives thing is tough With the wives and their shitloads of stuff To avoid any hurt I'll scream ***SPOILER ALERT*** If you answer "just one", that's enough

By: mrflip

mrflip — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:49:06 -0800

Even Yet Still another Rime of the Ancient Mariner:

A sailor through hell did descend (he caused a seabird's untimely end) Now he is cursed to wander the earth, Saying "Be kind to our web-footed friends."

Ozymandias:

While wandering a desert (the sandiest) you'll find a statue of old Ozymandias. Tho riches might find you, sic transit gloria, he reminds you: even biggest, or baddest, or fanciest.

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 14:51:12 -0800

The Flea What's this on ya? Aw, shit it's a flea. No, don't kill it, I'll make poetry... We must fuck right away This flea portends it, 'cause- HEY! Why'd you wack him ere I finished my concei(t)?

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:01:30 -0800

You may wonder at first why I scream But soon all of you join in my scheme We don't scream out of fear And we don't shed a tear We just want a nice dish of ice cream

By: pokeydonut

pokeydonut — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:04:59 -0800

Ozymandius (with a little poetic license on the Yiddish) If through the wide desert you shlup, Your suspicions confirmed, you'll say "Yup, From these legs and this face It is clearly the case That us damn dirty apes blew it up."

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:09:45 -0800

Won't you join me in non-PC fun? We shall count little male Indians We will count them to ten And then count down again Until we are left with just one

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:17:50 -0800

The Jabberwock is a horrible beast Worse than the Jubjub at least That is to say Until one day Some kid made it deceased!

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:20:04 -0800

Ms. Eenie Meenie and her Meinie Moe Used to catch disyllabics by the toe "If he hollers," they'd shout, "Then we must let him out," That irresolute Meenie and Moe

By: rocket88

rocket88 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:22:12 -0800

Poor mouse, I'll apologize now For wrecking your nest with my plow Man's dominion, you see Isn't kind to the wee And there's nowt I could do, anyhow.

By: unSane

unSane — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:23:53 -0800

Ten bottles, one fell with a crash! One more, and another! Smash! Smash! Five, four, three, two, one! And finally none. Darn, I could have returned them for cash!* *Offer valid in Ontario

By: hindmost

hindmost — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:29:00 -0800

My poem is all about me, I call it my soliloquy. If you read it you'll find, That you're all in my mind, So my head in an oven will be.

By: team lowkey

team lowkey — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:35:22 -0800

For a gift that will knock off her socks, Cut a hole for your junk (that's your cock) in the side of a present, tell her it's something pleasant... Hey girl! It's my dick in a box!

By: Captain_Science

Captain_Science — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:37:21 -0800

The Cremation of Sam McGee A man by the name of McGee, Came south from old tennessee. A hunting for gold, he always was cold, when cremated he said let me be.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:43:32 -0800

Bo Peep's work was of lesser precision She misplaced her flock, failing her mission But with slothful disdain She just went home again They returned of their own disposition

By: the duck by the oboe

the duck by the oboe — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:49:24 -0800

There one was a fellow named Knox Who encountered a troublesome fox Which started to prattle About beetle battles "He can choke on a bucket of cocks!"

By: hindmost

hindmost — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:50:16 -0800

Fuzzy Wuzzy was not really a bear He was the breaker of the British square It's really a crime About the ole nursery rhyme But only Kipling and I seem to care.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 15:55:09 -0800

An anthropic egg ran out of luck Falling from a wall, spilling his guck Despite valiant tries From the king and his guys Poor young Humpty Dumpty was fucked

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:00:58 -0800

the duck by the oboe, if only I could favourite more than once! I think you win the Internet with that one.

By: Tehanu

Tehanu — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:09:07 -0800

Two paths did diverge in a wood And choosing between them I stood Good metaphors, trees With nice yellow leaves I would take both those paths if I could The new path was my inclination But in case I was very mistaken I posted to AskMe All answers but 3 Said take neither, then take a vacation Dear AskMe, if only I could Take neither path there through the wood But both paths are nice I ignored your advice And took both-- since it turns out I could

By: ormondsacker

ormondsacker — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:13:27 -0800

Oh, and 100 points to whoever can make a limerick out of this gem. For Pablo, the poet G. Stein, Penned a riot of surface and shine. 'They could not a float/ They could not as denote...' She kept cubing in line after line.

By: strangeleftydoublethink

strangeleftydoublethink — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:20:27 -0800

When a man named anyone did die the townfolk batted nary an eye the seasons did pass children lay in the grass watching the sun, moon and stars go by

By: ericb

ericb — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:30:35 -0800

There once was a man named Revere About whose tale wee-ones do hear Two lanterns were hung A horse ride begun And a revolt was thus sprung From the shot of one gun

By: ormondsacker

ormondsacker — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:31:40 -0800

(That was "If I Told Him", going out by request to deathalicious. Coming up next on the blue, more limericks.)

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:41:34 -0800

so gravely immortal, i am the fly by emily's pen i drank the last drops from the wells of her eyes at the end i laid new hope for life in her blue fingertips but the future's a smile on a spider's sly lips born in a now that has already passed into then

By: cacophony

cacophony — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:46:47 -0800

With apologies to Yeats... There once was a falconer who found His falcon was circling around Some things fall apart; The blood-dimmed tide starts, and the ceremony of innocence is drowned.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 16:53:13 -0800

Because of this thread, I'm naming my new kitten "Limerick".

By: enrevanche

enrevanche — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:17:30 -0800

So many people got to "Howl" before I got to this thread. Ah, well. The best minds of my age cohort, wrecked And now I begin to suspect There's nothing so funky As a hipster, gay junkie Carl Solomon, pick up the check.

By: roll truck roll

roll truck roll — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:27:54 -0800

I worked on this all day, thinking I was so clever. Sigh. Potato salad, pamphlets, soup, cock, and Carl, boxcars, and Moloch all shared some long lines about Allen's best minds and then he said Holy a lot.

By: DoctorFedora

DoctorFedora — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:08:31 -0800

Bashō wandered through much of Japan, Preferring his journeys one-man. He recalled, rather fond, A frog's leap into pond. Seventeen syllables? That's the plan.

By: Danelope

Danelope — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:17:54 -0800

A brigand arrived from Nantucket To abscond with mah beautiful bucket While, mutely, above Connoisseur of Self-Love Who sat on his hand lest he fuck it -- Lolcatullus [/site-appropriate derail]

By: krakedhalo

krakedhalo — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:36:36 -0800

It's been done once above, please forgive: Arma virumque cano, Aeneas our Trojan hero Lost his first city But Dido took pity And soon he was off founding Rome. That almost rhymes, right?

By: willpie

willpie — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:39:40 -0800

That Zeus was a randy old cad And he jonesed for young Leda real bad He turned into a swan And he piled right on Now you're stuck reading the Iliad.

By: The Confessor

The Confessor — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 18:59:17 -0800

I'm rolling my wheels about thirty With my girlfriend along acting flirty Flashes red! Flashes blue! Through my tinted rear view They try to catch me riding dirty Poetry set to rhythm, eh?

By: rob511

rob511 — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:15:23 -0800

French primers arrived, bound in red, To drill la langue belle in young heads: The pair mounted a hill, Filled a pail, took a spill. "Their names? Jacques and Gilles, Rev. Fred."

By: rocketman

rocketman — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:46:22 -0800

I work all day long then get drunk, Then comes night, just as black as a trunk. I lay there and stare And see death in the air, And come morning, I'm stuck in a funk.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 19:53:59 -0800

If thou chargest me speaketh the truth, Onlie begetter, than I shall, forsooth: For a summer's day Is ever so gay, But nought 'longside thee, o fair youth!

By: washburn

washburn — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:11:22 -0800

This morning I caught morning's guy, He was wimpling up in the sky! So much beauty was there; So much pride, plume, and air, That a ploughman might see it and cry.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:12:11 -0800

Now darling don't you go a-flittin', Not when I'm so badly smitten! Love's not for the tarrying type, Joy's fruit is best when ripe So part those lips, our fate is written.

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:30:09 -0800

There once was a man at CalTech who went and pronounced "what the heck It's been raining all day I've got nothing to say these guys are a pain in the neck." (probably the only case where the limerick is LONGER than the actual poem.)

By: McLir

McLir — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:35:56 -0800

You sling the cable electric And your trousers doth burst pyrotechnic Now I shall deride you With this rhyme wrought to chide you You're a liar, you liar, accept it

By: MsMolly

MsMolly — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:37:14 -0800

My mouth fills with water quite cloudy My struggles increasingly rowdy Out here in the ocean You ignore my commotion You fucker, I'm not saying howdy! God, I love Stevie Smith. And limericks.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 20:39:03 -0800

My world's full of imperfection, All toothless to her confection I must spurn your offer To strip off her hauteur: For every strand has my attention.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:02:24 -0800

The Lord's Limerick There once was a Father in Heaven Who saved us from deadly sins, seven He will forgive us Forgive others we must And plus we get bread that is leavened Amen

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:11:50 -0800

Your children aren't actually yours, You own their world, but don't own their souls So don't resist their flow Like arrows, let them go And be glad God picked you for these chores.

By: Firas

Firas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:12:14 -0800

i could do this forever

By: vytae

vytae — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:30:37 -0800

This city we live in is bad We begin to suspect we've been had So we go to the tip Of this long concrete strip Where life's magic, and children are glad

By: lonefrontranger

lonefrontranger — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:32:58 -0800

is it only me that imagines limericks read in Benny Hill's voice...? it is? right, then. that merely confirms i'm mad. carry on.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:35:25 -0800

There once was a wee angry lad Whom critics made very mad So he picked up the quail And described in detail How they got so atrociously bad.

By: krakedhalo

krakedhalo — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 21:44:15 -0800

E. E. is gonna just kiss you And damn the syntactical issue, Cause you only live once, So do all your own stunts. And make love to the one who'll miss you. Quite possibly the best mefi thread ever.

By: milquetoast

milquetoast — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:16:08 -0800

From nuclear winter I shiver -- The zombies are after my liver; Ring Number 10 Downing 'Cos London is drowning And I'm living down by the river. FAIL.

By: genghis

genghis — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:21:28 -0800

At end-1879 a train on the Edinburgh Line did fall in the Tay on the last sabbath day: The passengers drowned in the brine. If this were truer to the original, I should have got the meter entirely wrong.

By: Lynsey

Lynsey — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:25:52 -0800

A bath at the end of the day is a good way to wash mud away. If you've been ducking Nazgul avoiding Ring trouble successfully, then you sing "Hey!" :D

By: KingoftheWhales

KingoftheWhales — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:30:02 -0800

STOP IT, JUST STOP IT PLEASE. please, please stop before it's too late

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 22:50:33 -0800

The King of the Whales, coming late, Added little to poems or debate. I added a flag - "That's noise, you great dag! It's limericks or nothing, got me, mate?"

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 23:23:14 -0800

A Scotsman of good pedigree Went off on a great killing spree Misled into vice By three witches' advice. (They blamed it on GTA 3.)

By: team lowkey

team lowkey — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 23:51:48 -0800

There once was a snail so lowly, who aspired to reach something holy. And so, foot by foot, His foot he did put. O snail, climb Mount Fuji, but slowly!

By: Pallas Athena

Pallas Athena — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:02:32 -0800

Young lovers, our revels are ended: We must follow, as fate hath intended. Towers, temples shall fall, And our actors shall all Turn to spirits (the kind that are blended.)

By: seanyboy

seanyboy — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:14:17 -0800

This fucking place is fucking down I cannot shake this fucking frown The fucking surf Is fucking turf Is evidently chicken town

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:21:15 -0800

There once was a spider named Incy, Whose surname was (rhymingly) Wincy. He climbed up a spout, Was flushed right back out - Sun came & then up more went Incy.

By: Skyanth

Skyanth — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 00:28:15 -0800

I'll have a try... it may not always be so - e.e. cummings if you said it never could be and chose some poor shmuck over me I would shake his hands and probably dance and yodel "good riddance to thee!" Hmyeah.

By: honeydew

honeydew — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:12:33 -0800

My dad seemed the happiest when Digging up a potato or ten But I wasn't made To handle a spade Instead, I will dig with my pen

By: h00py

h00py — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:31:58 -0800

A cat in a hat came a-calling After buckets of snow had been falling He left his pink ring On many a thing Which caused quite a loud caterwaulling But under his hat were the other Well doffed cats who proceeded to smother That terrible pink And the alpha cat's stink But where was the absentee mother?? (Please accept my heartfelt apologies but I just couldn't resist). (Oh and boo to the HP spoiler - I had to avert my eyes).

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 02:58:23 -0800

This relationship must come to an end and so an ultimatum i've penned In hopes that I might win you I recite: Hey You I don't like your girlfriend.

By: Pallas Athena

Pallas Athena — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 03:51:43 -0800

Whenever with others I'm sleeping, Cynara's fair shade comes a-creeping. She blights my desires And quenches love's fires, But my faith to her still I am keeping.

By: DarkForest

DarkForest — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 03:54:22 -0800

a Vogon limerick: My turlingdromes all are a-foont Oh, crinkly, drangle me hoopt' Come groop, lurgid bee Or I'll rend thee With my blurglecruncheon see if i don't

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 04:16:24 -0800

Lord Alfred, the laureate clever, Embarked on a morbid endeavor: "My dear Henry left me, Poor little bereft me!" (His elegy goes on forever)

By: Skyanth

Skyanth — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 05:58:40 -0800

A fellow called Charles Baudelaire Wrote of Don Juan aux enfers How his little boat sped Past the damned and the dead While the moaning hung low on the air

By: Skyanth

Skyanth — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 05:59:56 -0800

Low in the air. Dammit.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:11:38 -0800

Yo, Death, don't be prideful, old bloke, Your power is kind of a joke Your sting just won't stick, You arrogant prick: I'll wake up in heaven; you'll croak.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:12:37 -0800

And while we're at it: Hey, God, punch my heart! Please get busy! I'm in a devotional tizzy: My sins won't escape me Unless you date rape me! (Not much of a masochist, is he?)

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 06:46:02 -0800

FelliniBlank, change the first line: "Yo, three-person'd God, please get busy!" Then it's perfeck.

By: bashos_frog

bashos_frog — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:01:10 -0800

with apologies to my namesake, another one which is longer than the original... In the midst of the woods was a glade with an old pond in the shade. In jumped a frog from his perch on a log and "Splash" was the sound that he made.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:19:57 -0800

Double-boo to the HP spoiler; a) it's not even close to a poem and b) next time add some lines between the warning and the spoiler. Why on earth would you even *think* to do that like that?

By: pardonyou?

pardonyou? — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 07:23:35 -0800

As I rode my horse through woods and snow, I stopped for to paint some snow yellow. 'Twas a nice place to pee, And I'd love a nappy, But I gotta get home to watch porno.

By: Terminal Verbosity

Terminal Verbosity — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 08:03:06 -0800

The Colonel His home was like any back in the States With television, pets and dinner plates But with his bag of ears Not all was as appears And I could think only of the hell he creates

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 08:23:38 -0800

I caught a tremendous big trout But I had to release the old lout He had wallpaper skin And eyes like old tin And thrashed bilgewater rainbows about

By: h00py

h00py — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 08:56:21 -0800

Smash the clock, throw the phone, muffle Rover For my days that were once green as clover Have all turned to shit Cos he's snuffed it, you git And he ruined my compass, moreover

By: unSane

unSane — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:23:13 -0800

Hawk Roosting I sit in the top of the wood I don't care for 'must' or for 'should' I eat and I kill I do what I will I'm a hawk. And I talk! Life is good. I couldn't do Sylvia and not Ted, really, could I?

By: Haruspex

Haruspex — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:24:20 -0800

My offal is being gnawed by a skunk I'm paranoid, schizophrenic and drunk But our Puritans have gone missing Where blind lovers are kissing... Dammit, Liz, I'm in one hell of a funk

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:00:45 -0800

So I get up one night for a piss And yawning back to bed I saw this: That lozenge of love in the sky far above to my age and decrepitude bears witness.

By: ziz

ziz — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:00:47 -0800

There once was a man from Nantucket Well, Fayetteville, really, but f*ck it He drowned in the sea No gravestone has he Just a poem when he kicked the bucket The Quaker Graveyard in Nantucket (for Warren Winslow, Dead At Sea), with apologies to Robert Lowell

By: whir

whir — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:19:46 -0800

Hey Dad, I can see that your face did not rot in your plane's cold embrace I won't turn you in, Please come back again From your compulsive orbit in space.

By: infini

infini — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:21:54 -0800

Waiting for you I count the time Infinities and eons, they seem sublime eternity with ease ah but you tease when you withhold the hour that is mine with apologies to Emily Dickinson

By: whir

whir — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 11:37:19 -0800

The life that we lead is a slog, Even great books are dull as a bog. But we must not say That we're bored to dismay. By the way, have you seen my dog?

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:27:02 -0800

In "Sestina" the whole house is psychic From the grandmother to her child sidekick To the tears on the stove: They all already know. The almanac's mostly just icing.

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:44:43 -0800

Hamlet's dead dad once did sing: That "Claudius planned the whole thing!" It went to his head Now look! They're all dead Hey Fortinbras! Wanna be king?

By: The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew

The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:45:28 -0800

(every time I look at this thread, I can't help but spend a few minutes and write a new one.)

By: anthill

anthill — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:58:10 -0800

There was an old man in a boat who fished with hands bleeding from rope his all was for nought why he oughta have brought explosive harpoons and a scope

By: anthill

anthill — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 13:59:41 -0800

Visual addendum

By: Totally Zanzibarin' Ya

Totally Zanzibarin' Ya — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:06:50 -0800

There once was a guy who couldn't rhyme, for this he could not make a dime, Til he was peeling an orange, and got caught on a door-hinge, and now he can rhyme all the time. Yeah, that's right. Orange and door-hinge. Orange and door-hinge. Orange and door-hinge. ORANGE AND DOOR-HINGE.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:10:48 -0800

I usually rhyme "orange" with "coke-whore binge," but I'm edgy that way.

By: Totally Zanzibarin' Ya

Totally Zanzibarin' Ya — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:13:22 -0800

Nice.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:17:41 -0800

I usually rhyme "orange" with "coke-whore binge," but I'm edgy that way. (as a bit of a conservative in these matters, i usually stick with the more traditional "crack-whore minge")

By: DarkForest

DarkForest — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 15:17:08 -0800

Ms DarkForesst writes: Now that I'm getting so old I'd rather be made out of gold My soul wants to sing But it's tied to this thing That smells like it's starting to mold. and There's a question I'd ask if I dared But I think I'll go back down the stairs And go on and get old And wear my pants rolled, With a spreading bald spot in my hair.

By: davejay

davejay — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 16:27:12 -0800

So does anything rhyme with "tonsils"? I need to know, as I've got a song called "nothing rhymes with tonsils" and I'd hate to be wrong.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 16:31:30 -0800

Jon kills, wills, shills, often spills and sometimes ills.

By: pokeydonut

pokeydonut — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 17:24:18 -0800

The lights from the rocks start to twinkle And the wind makes the anchor chains jingle. Though time's made me weak We can still strive and seek To find out if Calypso's still single.

By: sleevener

sleevener — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:03:11 -0800

I lost my sunglasses, a vest, the house I considered the best, a watch, a pool cue, a continent, you, and now I feel (Write it!) depressed.

By: sleevener

sleevener — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:10:03 -0800

My buddy's name's surely not John, but I yammer and still yammer on, it's so dark, we should buy a big car, he sd "Guy, you just drove across somebody's lawn!"

By: sleevener

sleevener — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:20:52 -0800

For ol' Jeoffry here has some dexterity. For his eyes have the Almighty's clarity. For his fur's full of lightning. For his whiskers are frightening. For in verse, he inspires sincerity.

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:32:39 -0800

There once was a boy, yes there was who cut wood with a saw that went buzz cut his hand off and died but nobody cried For them, same as it ever was.

By: Lucinda

Lucinda — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:35:53 -0800

Oh crap, I used "was" twice. Um. Sorry.

By: sleevener

sleevener — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 18:46:10 -0800

No matter how anyone gauges, I've been eviler than evil for ages. Yeah I'm worster than worst, and curseder than cursed -- and so on for 200 pages.

By: rob511

rob511 — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 19:43:36 -0800

I met a lad, mail-clad, dying. 'Twas fall. Galahad vowed a gal he'd been in thrall To pursued and then wooed him, Having screwed him, adieu'd him. She left only her name, he claimed — "Phacqialle."

By: the_bone

the_bone — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 21:08:15 -0800

Three Walt Whitman Limericks, In Case Anybody Is Still Reading This Thread A Noiseless, Patient Spider I watched an arachnid whose goal Was to shoot out some webs from its butthole. It threw out each anchor Like some tireless wanker, So you do the same, O my soul. When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd This thirteen-page poem is fraught With death serenades overwrought. There's some shit about flowers, And it goes on for hours While Lincoln dies of a headshot. Earth, My Likeness Oh planet, I try not to gawk, But some young guy my world has rocked. My ardor athletic Gets me all frenetic, Now 'scuse me whilst I suck a cock.

By: oaf

oaf — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 22:10:05 -0800

In Flanders Fields sat a Canuck Who wrote about war run amok And his friend, who'd been killed. Now the ten-dollar bill Bears his words, but in war we're still stuck.

By: anotherbrick

anotherbrick — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 00:48:54 -0800

One must have a mind like winter To deal with snow's cold and sun's glitter, You'll see nothing missing, Just nothing existing! But I'm a Snowman most bitter.

By: whir

whir — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 00:49:49 -0800

Some hunters have messed up the wall That my neighbor and I strove to install. I'd go out on a limb And say something to him But his mind is a little too small.

By: Silky Slim

Silky Slim — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 02:12:39 -0800

"My Humps" Pray, what will she do with her junk? That junk permeating her trunk? She shall wiggle her hump And her sweet lady lumps... I prefer the Grand Railroad of Funk.

By: unSane

unSane — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 06:06:16 -0800

I chiefly remember the cold And the camels, recalcitrant, bold. The stable was shitty, The child itty bitty. I filled with unease, and felt old.

By: unSane

unSane — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 07:50:33 -0800

Title of Limerick Goes Here Describe person. Include their location. Insert ludicrous situation. Now adumbrate Before it's too late. The last line's a cute revelation.

By: unSane

unSane — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 08:12:54 -0800

War's over. They're all fucking now. Except me! I'm a hunchback, and how. Since I'm not a drillin' What's left, but a villain? (My horse dies, and I have a cow)

By: Don Pepino

Don Pepino — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 09:44:22 -0800

Design Albinism freaks me, it's true. You may find it's the same way for you if you peep this white spider and this white moth beside her On this white bloom that's sposed to be blue.

By: whir

whir — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 11:56:38 -0800

A hurt hawk once filled me with dread So I got my old gun from the shed. I muttered "Ah shit, I'm a depressing old git-- I'd rather shoot a person instead."