Comments on: Conservative Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue!

Conservative Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue!

Effigy2000 — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:16:11 -0800

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue was an animated drug prevention television special starring many popular cartoon characters from American Saturday morning television. Airing in 1990 and financed by McDonald's, it was simulcast on all three major American television networks. The VHS home video edition of the special also opened with an introduction from then-President George Bush Snr and Barbara Bush. And thanks to the wonders of the interwebs, you can watch the whole thing here. And you really should. After all, where else are you going to get to hear cartoon characters like Garfield and Winnie the Pooh talking about smoking crack and shooting juice?

If you don't want to (or simply can't bear to) sit through the whole thing, at the very least you should subject yourself to the horrors of what is arguably one of the worst songs in animated TV specials history ever, Wonderful Ways to Say No, where the collected group of characters explain all the ways you can say no to drugs. It' worth it just for the irony of seeing Kermit the Frog telling kids to say no to drugs despite the fact Henson practically conceived the character in a drug fuelled haze (previously).

By: Mayor Curley

Mayor Curley — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:19:23 -0800

The focus was on hard drugs because McDonalds sales would tank if people stop smoking pot.

By: quin

quin — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:20:52 -0800

I remember the first time Garfield and I got high; holy shit did we eat a lot of lasagna.

By: Mayor Curley

Mayor Curley — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:22:15 -0800

Having watched the first five minutes, McDonalds was trying to shoot itself in the foot. Pot is hilariously demonized.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:26:08 -0800

Now I want a cheeseburger. It worked.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:26:36 -0800

Holy crap. This is so weird. The girl that I'm dating showed me this just yesterday. I think the best part is when Michelangelo shows up and says, "You're on drugs?! Your head must be seriously messed up." This coming from Michelangelo, the most obviously baked cartoon character of the 80s. I mean, seriously. They needed one ninja turtle for an anti-drug special, and they picked Michelangelo?! Ferfuckssake, they may as well have GI Joe host a special on nonviolent resistance movements.

By: item

item — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:37:32 -0800

Funny to have Alf as an anti drug spokesperson, given the character's connection to Jerry Stahl.

By: philcliff

philcliff — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:39:00 -0800

I remember watching this as a kid.

By: quin

quin — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:39:30 -0800

Did you actually watch GI Joe Ab? Fuckers couldn't hit the broad side of a barn at point blank range. They might as well have been nonviolent for how effective they would have been. But yeah, Micheangelo? That little green dude was waaay baked.

By: grouse

grouse — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:41:51 -0800

I can't believe I missed this the first time considering how much junk I used to watch on Saturday mornings.

By: dhartung

dhartung — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:45:09 -0800

Conservative Cartoon All-Stars To The Rescue! Ah, yes. Because liberals advocate using cartoon characters to get kids to start doing drugs.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:49:16 -0800

"You're on drugs?! Your head must be seriously messed up." That was only achieved after like 80 takes of "You're... uh... on... huh. Head. Heh. Duuude."

By: wfrgms

wfrgms — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:55:44 -0800

He would only be George Bush "Snr" [sic] if he shared the same name with his son, which he doesn't. The dad is George Herbert Walker Bush, the son is George Walker Bush. So the whole junior-senior thing is at best poor usage, at worst just plain wrong.

By: nola

nola — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:56:32 -0800

When winnie the pooh starts talking to you, YOU are the one on teh drugs man.

By: mattoxic

mattoxic — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:57:42 -0800

Remember Nancy Reagan on Different Stokes with a powerful Don't do drugs message? Kimberly wasn't in the room at the time.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:58:42 -0800

I can't be the only one disappointed by the fact that Simon the Chipmunk and Brainy Smurf didn't make out. Those two bois were obviously meant for each other.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:59:28 -0800

"I can't believe I missed this the first time considering how much junk I used to ~~watch~~ score on Saturday mornings."

By: cmyk

cmyk — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:59:29 -0800

My god. A friend sent me this on DVD - she'd scored it on Ebay from one of those people who digitizes out of print stuff - and along with the DVD was a note saying "I've watched this once and never can again." I watched it once. I never want to watch it again. I just can't decide who to ~~give it to~~ inflict it on next.

By: inconsequentialist

inconsequentialist — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:04:39 -0800

Bugs must have reformed. And Garfield really wasn't worth a shit, was he? I think he was the one who took the dad's beer.

By: Avenger

Avenger — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:06:08 -0800

"...where else are you going to get to hear cartoon characters like Garfield and Winnie the Pooh talking about smoking crack and shooting juice?" In my fevered ritalin-induced dreams? Ah, yes. Because liberals advocate using cartoon characters to get kids to start doing drugs. We don't but we should. In all seriousness though, there are plenty of pro-drug cartoon characters out there. As others have pointed out, just look at Michaelangelo -- I never "got it" since I was totally square when I was a kid -- but looking back, christ you just know the Turtle Lair or whatever reeks of weed and incense. Which would have made the Turtles 10,000% cooler to me had I been able to connect the dots.

By: roll truck roll

roll truck roll — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:08:14 -0800

I remember seeing this at video stores with a sign that said "Free Rental." I always wanted to get it because, you know, it was free, but my dad always said he didn't want to bring home that propaganda. I wonder if he thought it was a religious thing.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:09:50 -0800

YES! I've looked for this for years, after the internet confirmed that I hadn't just invented it in a stoned haze! Thank God for Youtube and lulz!

By: itchylick

itchylick — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:15:39 -0800

You can't really tarnish Garfield, but I would have expected the Tigger and Pooh brand too be much more carefully guarded. Ironically, drugs must have played some part in this production.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:19:04 -0800

The first part where the smurf looks out of the comic book at the piggy bank seems like the kind of thing someone on shrooms would think up.

By: Prospero

Prospero — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:19:19 -0800

I vaguely remember seeing this. The fact that I only have vague memories of it, despite its mindblowing crossovers, indicates that it wasn't nearly as traumatic as that episode of Bravestarr called "The Price," though--if you saw it, you remember which one I'm talking about. There was no warning to the audience--it wasn't advertised as the "anti-drug" episode, but televised just like any other episode, in its regular time slot late Saturday morning--and it didn't pull any punches, either. The plot concerned a kid who got hooked on some sort of science-fictionish narcotic--at the end of the episode, he died of an overdose. No, he didn't temporarily die and come back to life; no, it wasn't some sort of figurative death. The kid straight-up died, the screen went to black, and viewers were granted no closure. If you were of the age to watch Bravestarr, then you were used to the conventional story arc of half-hour cartoons, in which potentially world-ending tragedies were reversed right before the closing credits, and not even one-off characters died permanent deaths. (Not even the legendary Gnap episode of The Smurfs dared to go that far.) And when watching Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, the pre-adolescent version of yourself would be certain that that many awesome characters working together could easily avert even the most unimaginably horrific evils, and so there's never any real suspense. But that Bravestarr episode is the only time I can remember that comforting cartoon storyline being subverted, and it was absolutely terrifying.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:27:10 -0800

I'm listening this without watching, and, given that Slimer's involved, I tend to hear Lorezo Music as Peter Venkman, not Garfield. But then why the hell he's obsessed with lasagne is far from clear.

By: lampoil

lampoil — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 16:59:43 -0800

WOW. Wow. I almost remember this. I feel like I must have seen it once and never thought of it again, because while I spent the first few minutes like "Alf too???" and "that green Ecto Cooler thing from Ghostbusters???" and "AND THE CHIPMUNKS OMG!!!" I do for some reason remember the character Smoke, but he doesn't seem to be from anything other than this. The Wiki page doesn't say, but I wonder if they had McDonald's toys of this? Because that would have helped solidify this in my subconscious. I was all about McDonald's toys at this time. It's just amazing, because this happened so at the very epitome of my cartoon-watching days that every single one of these characters means something to me. Two other things: 1. Smoke reminds me a bit of Hades from Disney's animated version of Hercules. 2. Theodore didn't recognize what drug paraphernalia was, but Alvin knew it on sight, and Simon knew it on scent. Interesting.

By: Servo5678

Servo5678 — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:08:58 -0800

I remember when they herded us into the cafegymatorium back in elementary school to make us watch this special on VHS. The school had just bought a "big screen TV" (circa 1989) and they wheeled it up onto the stage, turned it on, and then realized that 100+ second graders sitting way the hell away from the stage would not be able to see or hear the show. We had to stay anyways so they could tell the district that they had run the tape for us. Apparently, absorbing the message was optional.

By: Baby_Balrog

Baby_Balrog — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:11:30 -0800

I hate to break it to you, Simon, but there ain't nothin artificial about that "high."

By: Sailormom

Sailormom — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:17:48 -0800

Ronald and Nancy Reagan on Drugs.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:26:50 -0800

Wow, this is pretty sweet. Every time a new character shows up, it's like a rad dissociative. I don't know how I ever managed to pull off Dare Student Of The Year without this endearing yet persuasive animated adventure. Smoke reminds me a bit of Hades from Disney's animated version of Hercules. That's interesting, because I immediately thought of the evil conscience in Donald's Crime, the cartoon where Donald steals the piggy bank contents of Huey, Dewey and Louie to go party.

By: InnocentBystander

InnocentBystander — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:30:13 -0800

Metafilter: We're together for life, whether you like it or not! or: Metafilter: There's nothing cool about a fool on drugs!

By: champthom

champthom — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:35:32 -0800

If I remember anything from being 4 or so, it's that there was a time I would watch this over and over. Not so much for the fact I was into drugs, but more that it was all my favorite cartoons (especially the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) in one film. I vaguely remember my mom being slightly disturbed by the fact I would want to watch it again and again.

By: effwerd

effwerd — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 19:40:03 -0800

This would have been equally as effective if they had done a "Where Are They Now" overview of the previous generation of Saturday morning kids programming. Yogi and Boo Boo. Shaggy and Scooby. Shazam and Isis. HR Pufnstuf. The Banana Splits. That is a rich tapestry of burnouts.

By: tehloki

tehloki — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:08:57 -0800

Forget crack; the entire thing watches like a dissociative hallucinogen overdose. Never take unmeasured hits of 5-meo-DMT while watching saturday cartoons in the 80s.

By: k8t

k8t — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 21:48:16 -0800

thank you

By: k8t

k8t — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 22:00:47 -0800

Duck Tail woo ooh.

By: k8t

k8t — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 22:03:27 -0800

Why was Miss Piggy such a bitch about going into Michael's brain? Kermie was so brave.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 04:01:46 -0800

...then-President George Bush Snr and Barbara Bush. That would be George HRH Bush, and Barbara LTEC* Bush, of course. *Let Them Eat Cake

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 04:47:06 -0800

While we're at it, let's throw in the "special miniseries" where GI Joe and COBRA team up against drug abuse.

By: Uther Bentrazor

Uther Bentrazor — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 05:37:00 -0800

Wow do I remember this. I always loved crossovers, and this was the grandest one of all, even with the "Drugs as Apple in the Garden of Eden" biblical threat that the 80's was so fond of. I haven't watched Saturday morning cartoons since early college, but even then I was hard pressed to remember; were 80/early 90's cartoons way preachier than they are today, or is it just confirmation bias? on preview: Holy shit I remember Bravestarr.

By: es_de_bah

es_de_bah — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 06:48:50 -0800

I vaguely remember this. Thankgod for Nickelodeon. Shows like Ren and Stimpy and Rocko's Modern Life were subversive and oft-times downright nihilistic, and a plethora of trippy animated shorts acted as bumpers throughout.

By: the sobsister

the sobsister — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 06:51:35 -0800

excellent find. I hadn't heard about this. I'd thought major-studio cartoon crossovers had begun and ended with Roger Rabbit. Does anyone know of any other examples out there?

By: ersatz

ersatz — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 06:52:04 -0800

Michelangelo's on steroids, that orange hypocrite. the entire thing watches like a dissociative hallucinogen overdose. Makes you wonder what the pro-drugs spots would look like.

By: h00py

h00py — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 07:36:04 -0800

Makes you wonder what the pro-drugs spots would look like. 'The Simpsons' has that covered. How many trips have Bart and Lisa been on? Not to mention the famed 'space coyote' Homer tripout. It's gotta be hallucinogenics!

By: Mastercheddaar

Mastercheddaar — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 08:22:41 -0800

Anyone remember the GI Joe anti-drug episode were cobra and GI joe teamed up to wipe out NY City drugs? Cobra Commander was like, we want to rule the world but we don't use drugs! Then they started attacking urban ghettos with laser rifles and tanks.

By: Prospero

Prospero — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 10:31:25 -0800

One more thing--when watching bits and pieces of that special I thought, "Who's voicing Smoke, and why does he seem to be method acting? He's not phoning this in like everyone else." According to the Wikipedia entry on this, Smoke was voiced by George C. Scott.

By: owillis

owillis — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 16:36:32 -0800

When I watched this as a kid who was into comics, I considered this Saturday morning's greatest freaking crossover ever. Suck it, Yugi-Oh.

By: miss lynnster

miss lynnster — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 23:24:39 -0800

Oh man... I missed this post before. I just happened upon this Cartoon All Stars thing when I was looking for Christmas specials, so I did a search to see if it had been posted already. And Lordy, if you hadn't posted it, it was going to HAVE to be my next fpp.. because OH. MY. GOD. This thing is enough to make me want to DO drugs.