Comments on: Kids Today!

Kids Today!

amyms — Sun, 24 May 2009 01:29:21 -0800

The Problem With Young People Today Is... Self-described "crabby old fart" Donald Mills has some colorful opinions about "God damned teenagers." Via.

By: slumberfiend

slumberfiend — Sun, 24 May 2009 01:36:06 -0800

Delightful.

By: bardic

bardic — Sun, 24 May 2009 01:40:20 -0800

Dana Carvey did it better (yt).

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Sun, 24 May 2009 01:40:34 -0800

They've driven the Buick out of Stupidville and arrived safely in Assclown County About that, there is no doubt. And keep your stupid-named, slouched self off my damn lawn!

By: Infinite Jest

Infinite Jest — Sun, 24 May 2009 02:15:02 -0800

That is funnier than I expected it to be.

By: P.o.B.

P.o.B. — Sun, 24 May 2009 03:09:08 -0800

Wow. This is actually a true, and funny, use "Get off my lawn." There was this asshat where I used to work that did not understand that phrase at all. Like it was some internet-meme he was just regurgitating willy-nilly. Well asshat, this ones for you. Sit back, relax, and learn how it's done. P.S. If you've ever said "Too soon!" just to be funny...yeeaaah, it wasn't really that funny. You were just repeating something you heard, hoping to be funny. If you said it because of something like a Swine Flu joke a couple weeks back, then you were probably spot on and in turn ironically funny. * Sits back, relaxes, and waits for someone to say "too soon"*

By: Dumsnill

Dumsnill — Sun, 24 May 2009 03:13:05 -0800

"too soon"*

By: P.o.B.

P.o.B. — Sun, 24 May 2009 03:14:25 -0800

Yeah, still not funny.

By: Bokononist

Bokononist — Sun, 24 May 2009 03:15:19 -0800

I also took an indirect route from this (so-so) to a pleasurable rewatching of old Dana Carvey Grumpy Old Man bits. That's right. In my day, we mocked grumpy old people with a style beyond what these newfangled blogs could dream of. Daily updates, click to them whenever you like, cause these days it's you that's important, huh? No! Back then there was just one short skit on just one weekly network show and it only showed up a few times a year and we liked it that way! We loved it!

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:11:42 -0800

Young people want to spend their Sunday's lying in bed, disrespecting God and following Britney Spears on Twitter. The problem with young people today is that they can't keep their apostrophes sorted out. In my day, we learned the correct use of the apostrophe before we learned to use the outhouse. Why, if I'd used one to make a plural of a word that didn't end in 's,' Miss Benevich would have slammed my semicolon with Strunk and White, and she'd have been right to do it. But these young people today, they stick an apostrophe in almost at random, thinking they always need one to make a plural noun. It's disgraceful. If this keeps up, our orders for Hello Kitty furniture will all be screwed up, because the Chinese will be laughing so hard at our punctuation. Where will our economy be then?

By: St. Alia of the Bunnies

St. Alia of the Bunnies — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:22:02 -0800

That blog can kindly get off my lawn, actually.

By: davejay

davejay — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:34:18 -0800

Metafilter: It's the thin edge of a dangerous wedge.

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:40:06 -0800

Nobody "kindly" gets off the lawn. They always do it with at least an eye-roll or an "up yours!" or a some sort of muttering about fascists, if not a full scale F-bomb strafing. If they had any respect, they wouldn't be on your lawn in the first place, now, would they?

By: JohnnyGunn

JohnnyGunn — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:42:37 -0800

Let's face it, Donald Mills put into words, what we are all thinking. He ain't no slouch. But, the problem with old folks today is they forget they were young once too. Buckwheat is not a solid nickname to get you through the good times and bad. Cannot imagine my boss throwing down a "Hey Buckwheat come here" on me.

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Sun, 24 May 2009 04:50:47 -0800

God Damned Donald Mills bored me after about two of those... That said, is anyone besides me thinking the guy in the picture isn't the guy writing these?

By: Enron Hubbard

Enron Hubbard — Sun, 24 May 2009 05:13:37 -0800

The older you get, the more all human behavior seems silly. They don't need drugs. What they need is a 16 hour work day, a shot of cod liver oil and a god damned kick in the ass. I personally know the kids he's talking about.

By: spoobnooble

spoobnooble — Sun, 24 May 2009 05:30:45 -0800

This link is relevant to my interests. Thanks. Oh, and I don't have to tell the damned kids to stay off my lawn. I let the landmines do the talking for me.

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Sun, 24 May 2009 05:40:01 -0800

As a public librarian, dealing with "difficult" teenagers is by orders of magnitude the least pleasurable aspect of my job, so I have far more than my fair share of grumpy old man moments. On the other hand, I remember what a lot of kids were like when I was in high school, and it's like my sister once said; "I didn't like teenagers when I was a teenager, so there's not much chance I'm going to like them now."

By: TBoneMcCool

TBoneMcCool — Sun, 24 May 2009 05:50:58 -0800

I'd be very surprised if the guy behind the curtain is a day over 30.

By: youarenothere

youarenothere — Sun, 24 May 2009 06:13:50 -0800

The problem with young people today is that they churn out tedious, unimaginative blogs in hopes of getting book deals.

By: localroger

localroger — Sun, 24 May 2009 06:15:36 -0800

Card Cheat's Sister: "I didn't like teenagers when I was a teenager, so there's not much chance I'm going to like them now." This.

By: modernnomad

modernnomad — Sun, 24 May 2009 06:27:10 -0800

That said, is anyone besides me thinking the guy in the picture isn't the guy writing these? Yup. It sounds entirely like it was written by a 30ish web-savvy type trying to figure out a way to make a hit blog. "If you thinking picking a handle like..." Come on. No senior I've ever met says "handle" in that way. The photo? Just a little too perfect -- perfectly lit, perfectly classic "old man's couch" etc... Utterly fake. Funny to some extent, but just at fake as the Onion.

By: shadow vector

shadow vector — Sun, 24 May 2009 06:29:53 -0800

Too soon.

By: fungible

fungible — Sun, 24 May 2009 06:39:05 -0800

Well of course it's fake! The guy makes an over-the-top post halfway down that outlines that fact. But still, it's a well written, and funny troll. And besides, we all know that people over 30 can't write anything funny.

By: TedW

TedW — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:01:11 -0800

Reminds me of The Bile Chronicles, a site that unfortunately has gotten off the internet's lawn.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:04:46 -0800

If I had ever slouched around my house, my old mom would have beaten me senselessness with a lemon reamer... I see what you mean.

By: flarbuse

flarbuse — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:05:50 -0800

The problem with young people today is that they know that adults/older people aren't really going to kick their asses. When I was young, I can't recall any older people beating me up, but I sure as hell was convinced that they might. As such, I didn't mouth off to older people. I didn't piss them off. When I was 24, I was walking down the sidewalk and a kid who was about 12 was coming the other way. He greeted me with, "What are you looking at, asshole?" or some variation of that. Why was he not afraid I would kick the shit out of him? Kids now know that adults won't beat them up, and it makes then a bit more bold. At the time, I felt like adults needed to start a disinformation campaign about a neighboring town where strange adults were routinely beating the shit out of kids. Another problem with young people today is that their parents will take their side. When I was in the 6th grade, I was intentionally being such a smartass that my teacher yanked me out of class and took me out into the hallway. My antics had pushed her too far, and she was tightly holding my upper arm while she shared her thoughts with me. As a result of this arm-grab, she actually slightly punctured the skin on my arm. I didn't have blood running down me or anything like that, but the skin was slightly broken and blood could be seen. I then did what any kid at the time would have done. I made sure my parents didn't see that. Why? Because if they had, they would have wanted to know what I did to piss off my teacher so much. And then I would have been doubly in trouble with my parents. But today's kid would show his parents. His parents would then ask him for his side of the story and believe it over the teacher's version. His parents would go to the principal and the teacher would wind up getting suspended or fired over the incident. There is no fear anymore. Kids know that they won't get harmed physically. They also know that they really hold more power than adults do because their ability to accuse renders adults powerless.

By: youarenothere

youarenothere — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:16:22 -0800

By: The Card Cheat

The Card Cheat — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:22:16 -0800

> Another problem with young people today is that their parents will take their side. I don't think bringing back corporal punishment is the answer, but this can definitely be a problem. There have been a number of times at the library where we've asked kids to leave, or banned them for a day/week/month (in writing), and they've returned an hour later or the next day with a parent (it's usually the mother) in tow. Every single time the parent in question has absolutely refused to accept the idea that their perfect little angel could have been kicked out of the library for a valid reason; right off the bat they assume we just get our kicks by giving their kids a hard time for no reason at all (and, believe me, public libraries go out of their way to avoid kicking people out and/or banning them, so anyone of any age who has been asked to leave has been acting like an asshole). In one particularly bad instance we had to ban the mother too, because she walked in the front door screaming and swearing and proceeded to physically threaten the staff at the circ desk when it was explained to her that her son had been banned because he was throwing sharpened pencils (full-length, not those little golf ones libraries give out) at other kids' heads.

By: LooseFilter

LooseFilter — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:36:07 -0800

An old joke, not done well here. Dana Carvey did it better Dana Carvey? Monty Python did it waaaaay better decades ago.

By: clearly

clearly — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:40:22 -0800

Goddamned young people these day. God damn them. The problem with young people these days is that they are always rolling up their cigarettes up in their sleeves, wearing leather jackets, leaning on posts, not paying their rent, and taking my god damned daughter to the god damned sock hop every god damned weekend. These ruffians think that they can speed down fucking main street at 80 mph hanging out the window listening to rock and or roll, like they own the goddamned place. An absolute abomination to society is what these goddamned youth are. If my generation would have cruised around on the proverbial motorcycle terrorizing the goddamned neighborhood like a bunch of pinko commies, our parents would have taken us by the ear and given us fifteen lashings with the belt, as any responsible parent would do. The parenting these days, the softness of it, is making this world go to hell, or at least to fucking Switzerland. These kids with their greased back hair and their utter lack of morals and their VD. Someone should make a sanctuary for people my age where there are rules and none of these teenagers ruining the place. We could call if Florida and have all the nice weather and golf a man of my stature could ever dream of. Nothing would ever go wrong and there would sure as tits never be any crazy stories on the goddamned 6 o'clock news.

By: the aloha

the aloha — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:43:47 -0800

The problem with young people today is that they churn out tedious, unimaginative blogs in hopes of getting book deals. the problem with the publishing industry these days is that any mediocre writing with enough popularity might get picked up. still, this old site will probably only top out at a vanity press.

By: Aquaman

Aquaman — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:53:36 -0800

flarbuse has got it. Every kid these days is quite well aware that adults who aren't their parents can't lay a thin finger on them for any reason whatsoever short of actual murder. We need an "I'm looking the other way" understanding among adults that allows for a judiciously-applied slapdown when the kids overstep their social boundaries. I blame the parents who shriek, "how dare you punish my child" when they get a hand slapped by another adult for some minor transgression for starting this whole thing.

By: kldickson

kldickson — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:55:50 -0800

Conservatives are apparently trying to make themselves look cool when it's obvious they're both obsolete and morally wrong in just about every way.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:08:09 -0800

And before you know it every church in the land will be nothing more than a god damned discotheque stuffed to the rafters with uncontrollable, raving young people. Didn't this already happen?

By: Postroad

Postroad — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:32:37 -0800

A san old timer myself, I can but add that this was a great nation till two things happened: 1. The death of disco 2. The end of the Rat Pack till then, we had great values and standards.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:34:32 -0800

I'd be very surprised if the guy behind the curtain is a day over 30. Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure that nobody over the age of 30 uses the term assclown.

By: lullaby

lullaby — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:35:40 -0800

Apparently the problem with old people is that they spend too much time being pissed off about young people.

By: mazola

mazola — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:41:11 -0800

I miss Ed Anger. *sniff*

By: Senator

Senator — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:42:55 -0800

CONTRIVED!

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:45:55 -0800

And before you know it every church in the land will be nothing more than a god damned discotheque stuffed to the rafters with uncontrollable, raving young people. Can you feeel it? (And by it, I mean the breasts and buttocks of your parishioners.)

By: kozad

kozad — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:59:29 -0800

The funniest one is also backasswards: it's us old people who take to spontaneous combustion. I've never heard of a teenager taking up this arcane hobby.

By: Tube

Tube — Sun, 24 May 2009 08:59:35 -0800

I think George Will already writes this kind of thing, only for real: "Kids today and their denim jeans..." I can't wait for his obligatory follow-ups, seething with polysyllabic vituperation for rock music and tennis shoes.

By: stinkycheese

stinkycheese — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:01:39 -0800

I work in a public library, 2nding The Card Cheat's comments. Things have flipped around so much now that my bosses want even the bad kids to keep using the library - even the ones who alienate other members of the public with their rowdiness, volume, swearing and just generally behaving like asses. It can be incredibly draining trying to walk that tightrope and keep myself from telling them what I actually think of their behaviour.

By: sugarfish

sugarfish — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:08:40 -0800

The idea has potential, but he really should work on the voice, as mentioned above. Handles, assclown, mom? It doesn't ring authentic. Would be funnier if the picture was of a thirty year old man, though, and then he could keep the anachronistic bits.

By: Nelson

Nelson — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:10:25 -0800

This might be funny if it weren't a poorly made fake.

By: mrgrimm

mrgrimm — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:17:59 -0800

The problem with young people today is that they churn out tedious, unimaginative blogs in hopes of getting book deals. Has the realization that most format-heavy humor bloggers are likely looking for book deals ruined our appreciation of humor bloggers? (I admit, I thought the same thing and didn't read more than the first entry or two...) Also, Donald Mills ate my balls!

By: grounded

grounded — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:29:20 -0800

Yeah, ditto that on Ed Anger. Which means we miss Eddie Clontz.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:30:53 -0800

Nobody has ever cared what young people think and now's not the time to start. QFT

By: metagnathous

metagnathous — Sun, 24 May 2009 09:59:55 -0800

But these young people today. They think churches are boring and "lame." The only way they'd sit through a sermon was if it were on Youtube and included someone getting kicked in the giblets or an exploding toilet. An exploding toilet would have enhanced any of the sermons I was unfortunate to have to sit through as a kid.

By: pyramid termite

pyramid termite — Sun, 24 May 2009 10:02:43 -0800

An exploding toilet would have enhanced any of the sermons I was unfortunate to have to sit through as a kid. you've never heard of analbaptists?

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Sun, 24 May 2009 10:32:19 -0800

P.S. If you've ever said "Too soon!" just to be funny...yeeaaah, it wasn't really that funny. I said that a while ago in a thread about the Endor holocaust. Was it funny then?

By: Slarty Bartfast

Slarty Bartfast — Sun, 24 May 2009 10:38:06 -0800

We need an "I'm looking the other way" understanding among adults that allows for a judiciously-applied slapdown when the kids overstep their social boundaries. I understand your sentiment but honestly, I'm having a hard time thinking of a situation where I would trust the average American fat ass Nascar Dad's judgment over when it was time to strike my child. Yes, children should be taught to respect their elders; the problem is that so many children don't actually have elders worthy of respect.

By: Aetius Romulous

Aetius Romulous — Sun, 24 May 2009 10:40:54 -0800

This is how you build a smokin' blog. Congrat's to whoever these people are.

By: ComfySofa

ComfySofa — Sun, 24 May 2009 10:42:12 -0800

They drag themselves down the street with their concave backs... Damn young uns can't even slouch properly.

By: metagnathous

metagnathous — Sun, 24 May 2009 11:01:56 -0800

you've never heard of analbaptists? Yeah, I have. Grew up around them, sad to say.

By: IndigoJones

IndigoJones — Sun, 24 May 2009 11:32:16 -0800

we had to ban the mother too, because she walked in the front door screaming and swearing and proceeded to physically threaten the staff at the circ desk That was your first mistake. What you should have done was to call the cops and have her arrested for assault. I do miss me the days of shushing, indeed I do. People want to socialize, go to the mall. Or the Y. Or the soda shop. Anyplace but the library. As to the post. It would be funnier if it were funnier. I think the writer has a problem with getting the diction quite right - which is kind of life or death with comedy.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Sun, 24 May 2009 12:14:50 -0800

The problem with young people today is that they can't keep their apostrophes sorted out. [...] Why, if I'd used one to make a plural of a word that didn't end in 's,' Wait, what? So it's okay to pluralize words that do end in s? Did you forget to take your pills today, grandpa?

By: P.o.B.

P.o.B. — Sun, 24 May 2009 12:20:34 -0800

I said that a while ago in a thread about the Endor holocaust. Was it funny then? Probably not. Then again I've heard that phrase used over and over in situations just like that, so YMMV and all that. I guess that happens when you spend enough time around people who are socially awkward, not to mention immature, and their repertoire of jokes consist of attaching "your mom is a" whatever the last word you just uttered. Sort of like some of the people here have read enough bullshit on the internet to brush this one off as some inane dribblings of a 20something writer. In that respect I would agree it really isn't that funny, and at best will get an eye roll out of you because it just wears you down more than it brings you up.

By: wendell

wendell — Sun, 24 May 2009 12:50:53 -0800

Just spent three days having my 88-year-old father treat 53-year-old me like an 18-year-old kid. Believe me, there are much better ways to recapture your youth. And I may be too old for this, but he really is an assclown. I'm seriously considering writing a blog criticizing people my age and older titled "The Trouble With Old Folks Today or I Don't Have to Get Off Your Lawn, It Hasn't Been Yours Since Your Mortgage Went Underwater".

By: zinfandel

zinfandel — Sun, 24 May 2009 13:02:36 -0800

I once said something old-fartish to a black co-worker, and followed it up with "and get off my lawn!" and we both laughed. Then, another co-worker, a white guy who was actually kind of an old fart, took me aside and told me my comment was racist. I could not make him understand the joke. I think in his mind lawn jockeys were involved.

By: barnacles

barnacles — Sun, 24 May 2009 17:52:55 -0800

I like the way you think, youarenotthere.

By: photoslob

photoslob — Sun, 24 May 2009 18:11:03 -0800

Cliff Yablonski did this better.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Sun, 24 May 2009 19:29:05 -0800

We need an "I'm looking the other way" understanding among adults that allows for a judiciously-applied slapdown when the kids overstep their social boundaries. More than a few times in developing countries, when I've attracted a small horde of kids following me about & horsing around, some elderly man has stepped in & given them a strong talking to. The kids would be a bit cheeky towards him as well, but covertly, and you could sense that they had fear of the old guy, mixed with respect. It's not a physical slapdown, but in these places where gangs of kids routinely play in the streets, and all kinds of people just hang around outside for whatever reason, there seems to be a stronger sense of community members taking responsibility for the public peace & welfare, and telling kids in no uncertain terms when they're acting out of line. It's a bit of a shame that in the West the responsibility for gently disciplining kids is thought to belong pretty much only to the parents.

By: auntbunny

auntbunny — Sun, 24 May 2009 21:21:33 -0800

the problem is that so many children don't actually have elders worthy of respect. amen.

By: MikeMc

MikeMc — Sun, 24 May 2009 22:59:12 -0800

if I had ever asked my old dad to call me "Phat A" he would have brained me with a pair of ice tongs and changed my nickname to "that idiot boy." I think we may be half-brothers.

By: i_cola

i_cola — Mon, 25 May 2009 05:56:42 -0800

'the problem is that so many children don't actually have elders worthy of respect.' amen. Amen II. With lots of knobbly knobs on.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Mon, 25 May 2009 06:55:08 -0800

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Mon, 25 May 2009 14:52:41 -0800

Every generation has some cultural element that's defined it—transcendentalists, flappers, boomers… I think ours will be called the will-less generation. I remember my grandparents (children of the Depression that came of age during the Second World War) having this undefinable character—something in their faces—that has been lost in the genetic mix of the last two generations. They had pride getting their hands dirty and getting things done. These days that has been almost entirely replaced with cynicism. And the kids of cynics? They are the worst, because they have no will. Because really, what's the point? They see the whole cycle in their parents and grandparents: the lofty ideals of the 60s are replaced with cold realites of the 80s. That's what you get when you care. So they don't. This generation's youth are, without a doubt, the most ennui-filled bunch of kids the world has ever seen. They simply don't care more than I can even begin to understand. Anyway, that's what I think is wrong with kids these days.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Mon, 25 May 2009 16:28:48 -0800

They had pride getting their hands dirty and getting things done. Yes. I think of my grandfather, whose dissertation was apparently so outstanding that the university had to invent a wholly new, higher class of University Medal specifically for him. Then the war came along, and refugee camps, and resettlement in Australia, whereupon nobody was much interested in employing a foreign scientist of his particular specialisation, so what to do? Back-breaking labour shovelling bricks into a furnace; hell yeah, why not? And raising poultry to make some money from the meat & eggs, growing vegetables & fruit - whatever made ends meet. My pet theory is that the children of immigrants like that (and, I guess, just about anybody who went through the war) are driven to excel professionally, but the rot sets in with the next generation, who've never known that kind of hardship & who receive the world on a platter, so they spend most of their time typing stuff onto a website, and other frivolous activities.

By: Life at Boulton Wynfevers

Life at Boulton Wynfevers — Tue, 26 May 2009 05:52:18 -0800

Yeah, I'm pretty damn sure that nobody over the age of 30 uses the term assclown. He explains the assclown thing in one of the comments. Yes, I read some of the comments, too. His reply to this one gave me a laugh.