Why is the koala not an SI unit?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 1:30 AM on July 13, 2021 [4 favorites]

As a child, my father (when trying to get us to do some chore or something) would remind us that he was the High Priest of the Great God of the Hairy Wombat. I had no idea what he was talking about, but he always got a kick out of it. In my mind, I imagined something like a bat version of a dire wolf (yes, I had read Lord of the Rings at this point, but hadn't ever seen a picture of a wombat). I imagined a giant bat with wings stretching across the sky. Something dark and terrible. Keening wails of doom assisting its echo location.

When I finally saw a picture of a wombat, two things happened: one, I fell in love with them. They're adorable (though evidently quite stinky, it's okay, I can love them from afar). The other, well, that was just further confirmation that my dad's jokes were, as usual, only really funny to him.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:40 AM on July 13, 2021 [3 favorites]

I once ran my full name through an "anagram finder" program, which was a simple program designed to find "all possible anagrams of anything you input". Most of the resulting phrases weren't even phrases - they were just random words strung together which would use up all the letters without any sense of grammar or logic.

However - buried on the list was the phrase "Wrinkly And Her Wombats", with which I fell instantly in love. If I ever made my own film or TV production company that would be the name, complete with a Terry Gilliam-style animation of some bouncing wombats as the logo stinger clip.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:58 AM on July 13, 2021 [22 favorites]

A NEW MEME FOR YOU ALL THIS AUSPICIOUS WOMBAT DAY
posted by lalochezia at 4:51 AM on July 13, 2021 [8 favorites]

Technically the base unit is the oala, .001 koalas.
posted by condour75 at 4:59 AM on July 13, 2021 [63 favorites]

Non-Australians might not quite get the sheer chunkiness of an adult wombat. It¡¯s not cat sized, it¡¯s a serious, camping site thumping, midnight argument honking, grass eating marsupial. A wombat hole is a serious pit; they¡¯re known to destroy flood levees and undermine railway ballast. I love the wombats.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:03 AM on July 13, 2021 [12 favorites]

I was fortunate enough to encounter a wombat outside its burrow while cross-country skiing one time. I tell you, the only thing more adorable than a wombat, is a wombat in the snow! Google it. As an Australian they're my favourite marsupial (though pigmy possums get an honorable mention).
posted by other barry at 5:20 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Butt are wombats heroes? I would say so, yes, and they are not capybara (Who are interestingly referred to as ¡°people¡± when in groups). Capybara are certainly easy going but I would rather be friends with a wombat during a wildfire.
posted by waving at 5:37 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

I hope DarlingBri sees this, as she has recently become (via medical adoption) the owner of a not-yet-housebroken wombat named Frank Sinatra.
posted by virago at 5:39 AM on July 13, 2021

Mortal Wombat
posted by farlukar at 6:03 AM on July 13, 2021 [13 favorites]

No one else is going to say it? I bet that most of us are thinking it. Fine, I'll be the one.

Wombutt.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:26 AM on July 13, 2021 [11 favorites]

I work on the railways. Unlike roo's which will generally fly off to the side when struck by a train, wombats often (due to their geometry?) get pulled between the wheels and clang along under the train making a hell of a racket.

I love wombats. They need to put some of their nearly Usain Bolt level speed to use when they see a train hurtling at them.
posted by onya at 6:38 AM on July 13, 2021 [5 favorites]

I was fortunate enough to encounter a wombat outside its burrow while cross-country skiing one time.

Ha - ditto.

I far prefer seeing wombats to skiing.

Non-Australians might not quite get the sheer chunkiness of an adult wombat. It¡¯s not cat sized,

...more like a pouffe, but a pouffe that gives absolutely no shits about your requests. I think the wombats' reasoning is well explained in TFA. These fuckers are hard as nails.

I wonder if Oatmeal could do a one about Tasmanian Devils, which are terrifying little buggers which have spent thousands of years not successfully eating wombats.

Also: Koalas shouldn't be SI, because they've got about a decade left of existence, and that would confuse people in the near-future.
posted by pompomtom at 6:41 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Oh also koalas shouldn't be SI because their size varies with latitude (and yeah: they'll all be dead soon enough).
posted by pompomtom at 6:50 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

when they see a train hurtling at them.

Wombats have lousy vision, worse if they have sarcoptic mange. Wombats are generally nocturnal, except if they¡¯re unwell. If these accidents are happening during the day, it¡¯s probable they didn¡¯t see the train at all.
posted by zamboni at 6:51 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Technically the base unit is the oala, .001 koalas.

So a tardigrade is 1 oala. This is an important finding. We'll need to establish a new SI Prototype for water bears. Presumably with iridium buttocks.
posted by bonehead at 7:18 AM on July 13, 2021 [2 favorites]

Ham Slammer is my favorite New Age musician.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:22 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Wrinkly And Her Wombats

Ah a pleasure to meet you . . . Myrtle Handsaw Binwork
posted by saladin at 7:36 AM on July 13, 2021 [5 favorites]

Ham Slammer sounds like a title of a Chuck Tingle novel.
posted by Bee'sWing at 7:44 AM on July 13, 2021 [11 favorites]

lalochezia: "A NEW MEME FOR YOU ALL THIS AUSPICIOUS WOMBAT DAY"

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, since I also love wombats, but that's not a wombat - it's a quokka, the world's happiest-looking mammal (more pics as proof)
posted by namewithoutwords at 7:50 AM on July 13, 2021 [10 favorites]

Fun fact: the offspring of a wombat and a quokka is called a wocka wocka.
posted by oulipian at 8:21 AM on July 13, 2021 [5 favorites]

Ham Slammer sounds like a title of a Chuck Tingle novel.

Or the title contains the phrase "Pounded by the Butt"
posted by otherchaz at 8:58 AM on July 13, 2021 [3 favorites]

a not-yet-housebroken wombat named Frank Sinatra

? Come Poop With Me,
Let's poop a cube... ?

Also considered: I pooped it myyyyyy waaaay
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:50 AM on July 13, 2021 [3 favorites]

in case you thought there wouldn't be video of australian documentarians confronting wombats in their burrows
posted by eustatic at 10:15 AM on July 13, 2021

And a further clip, featuring a couple of Australian animal sanctuary staff trying to feed and medicate a gassy wombat before bringing it back to the sanctuary.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:29 AM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Technically the base unit is the oala, .001 koalas.

That's 10^-9 Emukoalas for those who prefer the old fashioned units.
posted by eotvos at 3:16 PM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Cool to have a new paralysing fear for my night terror collection: being stuck deep in a drainage pipe (already v. bad) with a wombat crushing my face to death with its arse.

Wombats are absolute legends, still.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:19 PM on July 13, 2021

Also, I find this bloke a bit mega-ocker for me (I know that's his schtick), but Ozzy Man Reviews Wombats may amuse.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:23 PM on July 13, 2021 [1 favorite]

Also during the last few women¡¯s world cups the American player Abby Wambach seemed to have gathered a following here and I like to think it was because her name sounds like ¡®a baby wombat¡¯.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:48 PM on July 13, 2021

I remember an article in People magazine about Prince William way back when he was a toddler, and more specifically I remember Princess Diana mentioning that her and Charles' nickname for him was Willie the Wombat. And now I need to know WHY
posted by queensissy at 5:17 PM on July 13, 2021

Ham Slammer sounds like a title of a Chuck Tingle novel.

David Drake
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:06 PM on July 13, 2021

I read the post title as "We need to talk about Chomsky," and was like, "That wasn't on the 2021 bingo card, but given all the things that weren't on 2020's card...sure, whatever."

Carry on.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 8:24 PM on July 13, 2021 [2 favorites]

Willie the Wombat. And now I need to know WHY

I sadly fear it's just an alliteration joke.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:36 AM on July 14, 2021

Every few years I am reminded that Matthew Inman is still cranking out sharing-optimized content that appeals to several orders of magnitude more people than my art ever has, and every few years I am reminded how much his drawings make my teeth itch.
posted by egypturnash at 8:10 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]

Reminds me of how I feel about Allie Brosh. I know everyone loves her and it's practically a social requirement to, but I cannot stand to look at her....ugly fish...people...? Whatever that is...I can't read her work because I do not want to look at her as....whatever that is..
Never really got into Lynda Barry because of her drawing style either.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:59 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]